Overdramatic icon fits my mood tonight….


I must give the impression
that I have the answers for everything.
you were so disappointed
to see me unravel so easily.
It’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing.

La da la da la da da da da da la da la da da la da da da

mother misses her baby
but I only wanted to be me
she changed address and haircuts
and boyfriends and light bulbs it’s easy
but it’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing

La da la da la da da da da da la da la da da la da da da

I stay focused on details
it keeps me from feeling the big things
but watch the microscope long enough
things that seem still are still changing

La da la da la da da da da da la da la da da la da da da

even the things that seem still are still changing
even the things that seem still are still
even the things that seem still are still changing
even the things that seem still are still changing

La da la da la da da da da da la da la da da la da da da

Letter to Santa…..


Dear Santa…

Dear Santa,

This year I’ve been busy!

In November I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn’t yield (-8 points). In August I helped xamp across the street (6 points). Last Monday I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points). Last Sunday I caught a purse-snatcher who stole angelslullaby83‘s purse (30 points). In March I saved a busload of nuns in Angola (326 points).

Overall, I’ve been nice (355 points). For Christmas I deserve a red Radio-Flyer wagon!

Sincerely,
Chantel

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les sighs


well, im not doing another post where it sounds like I’m complaining … but i felt like posting a minute ago and now its like i cant remember what i wanted to post about… i have to know, right?

We’re talking about buying a house, we’re using my stocks and he said we dont have to use them but i know that we need to. I’m tired of being given outs for things like this… there is no reason for him to give them to me even if i am tired or whatever else the problem is. I guess what it comes down to is that i cannot sell them myself. I need him to do that with me here…. i just cannot do it, and tonight we need the money… we’ve needed the money for a while and ive not been able to do it at all and i am so scared of the landlord comming and evicting us because ive not been able to get it for him because ive been scared of selling it. how selfish am i? really? what is wrong with me? Im part of a family now… i have a husband and people who depend on me and need me to do things… and here i am wanting to sit on this money and on these things we need to buy our house and to get our lives moving faster and faster and farther …. and im scared … why am i such a retard like this i need to stop being scared of change.

Missing my mommy today…


I talk to my mom a lot during the course of a day, but I really don’t get to see her much anymore… but we talk a lot. So she said to me today that shes tired of having time for everyone else but no one having time to see her. and yes that has to be really hard for her… but i feel like i need to do what i need to do too…. i want to see my mom… a lot… but i think of everything else i have to do and everything else that hasnt been done yet and i dont know where i am going to get time. I just have to try to make time… that I know…

cake decorating


I got to be the decorator again today …its kinda nice getting to do one of the things I feel most at home doing for once… i cant really explain it sometimes the way i feel when i do it. I always thought i was decent at it and i look back at my work from 2 years ago and see how much its changed and i like where its going for once…

it wasn’t a bad day…money is so tight right now and my guy doesn’t feel good… but its not about things… its never about things or about the holiday…. i just have so much work to do … but thats fine too we’ll get by…

i have more things to post about but i am so tired right now….