Amazing as it seems… today has felt like all the other days … but it was just a little shorter if you ask me…

not too much to report… I spent the day with my family … I didn’t want to get out today but I finally did aroudn noon and my dad was bitching because he wanted to go out to eat but didn’t tell me until I already made food for myself … so we didn’t go for thai even though all of us wanted it …

so we get stuff … and find out that my aunt who wasn’t supose to be there until 3 was already there when we weren’t… so we rush home… and it was good seeing them.. but I just showed some stuff and that was it… nothing too much… I was exhausted most of the day.. and all of last night … um… nothing else really.. one more day home with my family… then my dad goes back to work…

other news… I feel like shit… I’m exhausted and lightheaded and dizzy everytime I move… i think it has to do with what I took earlier. heh… I’ll be okay… it feels like…half a migrane really… my eyes can’t take light… and other things too… I bitch way too much

oh my god…. oh my dear god….

I don’t know how much harder this is going to get… why are we being tested so badly…

like I posted yesterday there was the conversation with daves mom about the calling and how it bothered my mom … so… it gets worse than that… the day ends and dave and I talk more throughout the night…and I keep telling him that he’s not the crazy one, that it’s his parents and that my family and I do care about him and love him and that everything they’ve said about us is NOT true and we care about him…. and his parents lied…he knew that on his own…. and it was sad….and he was so close to snapping… he said he wanted to run away and I was scared he’d get hurt….I didn’t wnt him to.. I wanted him to tell me where he was going … but… god… I hear his dad and they started to argue and I hun up… so he runs away…. and I didn’t think he’d actually do it …he said his dad threatined to hit him… I didn’t know that until later… But i go into tell my mom… it’s about midnight now… 11:40 exactally at this point… and the phone has already rang twice… Daves mother saying he ran away and she thinks hes comming here and no one knows what to make of it… she’s blaming my mom for everytihng and blaming me… and my mom keeps telling her that we’re not doing it … so they hang up and we talk for a little bit … family things… what will we do if he does come…so the phone rings again and this time its his dad and my mother is sick and tired of this… his mom called twice and his dad called once and we don’t know what to make of it… so my mom tells him to knock it off, Daves not here… so I’m finally so stressed out I go downstairs… I didn’t want to wait in my room to see if he’d come… so I grab my phone and I keep it with me and call Victor… and I’m painting a train in the kitchen with a cup of tea…… it’s past midnight now… and no sign of Dave… and my mom comes down and we both hear a thump on the house… and i hang up on Vic and my mom calls Daves dad to tell him that he might want to come ot get his son and his dad gets shitty with my momabout it saying we need to show pity and compassion to him… and what WE should do… when he never seemed to care what was going on… I’d love to know how Sick he really is… because I don’t think he’s as bad as they say he is…

so it’s past midnight…i feel scared and miserable and my mom gets my dad who’s up and dressed and he goes outside to see if its dave… and it sounds weird as my dads calling for him… and they come in off the deck… brings him inside… and … god… I’ve never felt so bad in my life… he was all dirty from trying to get away and he looked so crazed and scared and shaken… I went over to him and had to see if he was okay and we went into the kitchen and sat down and he just had his head in his hands and was pulling on his bangs and asking to be woken up… how this can’t be real… and I kept trying to comfort him… and I told him to look into my eyes and he looked so scared… i started talking to him and wanting to know what was going on… and he got into a verbal war with his dad over them lying to him… and him finding out… and he got chased… and he said he was sorry so much and we just wanted him to know it was okay…

he just looked so distressed and my whole family was so worried about him and wanted to keep him there for the rest of the night……..but his dad came and just stood there stairing for a while…and the conversation was slow… and we wanted to make it all okay … and Dave was very quiet… very quied about ti and I moved out of the way so when everyone was conversing it was about leval… and I looked at dave the whole time… he just looked so… *sighs* poor thing…

he said he wanted to stay…but he didn’t think his dad would let him… and me and my famiylk were hoping he’d put up more of a fight to stay with us we would have insisted for it… so when his dad went to take him home… my mom and I both hugged him… my mom said she thought he really, really, REALLY needed a hug…and after she hugged him I hugged him tight and he started sobbing… I didn’t want him to go home… I wanted to hold him until he felt better… and I started crying along with him… and when he was gone with his dad I just broke down and sobbed to my mom… and I was downstairs until 2am… and i finally went upstairs and told myself Giovanni Fedelli… and I was on and off the rest of the night….

so… I was up and around and watching all the cartoons from start to X-men at 10:30…. it was so… so sad…. i care about him so very much and just seeing him hurting so badly… but all day today my family and I were talking all about him and his family and how much was want him to be okay and what we wish we could do to help him… but there’s not much we can do… but all day talking about him… and it just made me sad… i can’t say it enough… my mom was worried about me… I didn’t want to eat anything… and I didn’t for most of the day… i think almost 1-2 pm I finally had breakfast… I had had anything since 4pm yesterday… so she was pretty upset with me because I don’t take good care of myself…

*sighs* nothing else really happened today… went to bridgewater mall to get my mind off everything but I didn’t get anything so it was defeated… i wanted to buy things… but I also have VERY little money to my name…. I’m getting a guitar on tuesday… so thats my big thing… I just really would like to be held right now and just relax…. I need to relax… so I’m hoping for sleep tonight… I’m hoping badly for sleep tonight and i just might get it because i am so worn out…

I just want everything to be okay, not even for me because no one deserves to be upset or have to go through hell…I can survive through this I know I can… I learn from it and I get stronger… even if I want to cry … it’s okay… I’m going to try to go to sleep now… try…..but if I don’t… I’ll think about the notebook I want to make… or work on La Entrada… something… and eventually I’ll pass out… Thats a given

goodnight goodnight sweet baby
the world has more for you
than it seems
goodnight goodnight
let the moodlight
take the lid
off your dreams


well, yes… the journal is now friends only. I can’t trust anyone outside anymore and I stinking hate it…

this what happened today — my mom and I had a rough time last night … the thing with daves dad got to a point where no one could take it anymore… and I was up late with so much on my mind feeling like hell … I got up later with my mom and we started talking about how I’m tired of Daves father abusing me all the time … he’s using this journal against me and I hate it… so i took a lot of time throughout the day to block ALL of the entries but a few of them… so if asshole wants to see he can do what he wants…

So my mom desisded to go to Davids house today and talk to his parents … it was sad… I didn’t want to go and do it… but we get there… and I get out with my mom and deside not to talk throughout this episode… so we get there and my mom rings the door bell and I’m standing on the steps below where she is and Davids mother comes outside and she starts to talk to us and she’s being too friendly and I feel so … I don’t know… but my mom tells her that she wants to speak to both of tem and she says that her husband is on the phone and when my mother offers to wait and we don’t want to come in and just want to get this over with in 10 minutes… so she talks outside to us and my mom tells her that weneed to stop this madsness and it has to stop and mrs. Imbriaco doesn’t seem to understnad that… she keeps starting and saying she’s a bad mother and saying Dave and I are poision for each other and that we’re implying things about her… my mom was so gentle on her when she saw how she totally flipped out on us… so… we talk for a while and his mother keeps telling us we have no idea how sick Dave really is… and I began to wonder if he’s not telling me something… or what else is going on… I’m scared about this…

his mother… *sighs* this made me cry so badly…he said that he “believes that I care about him” and she has no idea how much I really, really care about him… now idea… I know that the care about him more but for gods sake I love him… I want him to be okay and I don’t want to think how sick he is… I want him to tell me whats truly going on and be completly honest to me like I am with him! and I just was crying and looking directly into her eyes as I’m crying and watching her loose her mind infront of us in this terrifying way… like she couldn’t controll herself at all and it was crazy…

so as she’s starts breaking down she… this was sad… she started to break at the seams… she was saying that my mother and I should pity her for everything she’s going through and how could we be so cruel to her… and my mom and I almost didn’t want to stay any longer… and she says that dave wants me to have those “god damned shells” so my mom tells her we don’t want the shells and she was sreaming before this and crying and I only cried a little bit because she said I don’t care for dave… and my mom waled away and I took the shells from her…he brought them back from the outerbanks for me… and as we got out of the driveway and I’m crying my eyes out now… we hear t his blood curtling scream comming from inside the house… just screaming like something from out of the depths of hell… it reminded me and my mom of when the wicked witch had water throguh on her… but this was worse… this was the worst thing I’ve ever had to witness…..

I cried all the way to flemington… truly sobbed and me and my mom just talked about it for the whole ride and we get to flemington and go to the outlets and looked around and went out for a while longer and baught stuff for my palce and for later this year and all the stuff I’ll need for school and shit… and got lunch at KFC… trying to make me feel better… but I had a screaming headache the rest of the day… it’s gone now…but it feels like its comming back again…

and my mom told me she just wanted it all to be okay.. she was tired of his dad reading my journal and harassing me… and she was scared for my safety… and I can understand that… I really, really can because I was scared too…and when we came home it was “try to get Juliet to relax” day… but I felt sick… I kinda played games all day on the computer and talked a little bit …

I got sick later on… nothing too bad but I feel better now… so yeah… I’m talking ot Victor… I’m hoping to go down south for a martial arts competition… but I don’t know if I’ll be aloud since its in the school year and I want to so badly… not just to compiete but to see Victor too …I’d love to go and I gotta talk to my dad and tell him how badly I want to do it…I just wish that I’d get the chance… I want to so badly… really, really badly…*sighs* so..I’m going to do this… end this post now… thunderstorm is comming too and my mom wants me off…

and officially… this is my 1000th viewable entry!!!! LET THE CELEBRATION BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ A polite message ~ (Made Friends only on January 11th 2006 at 11:40am)

Due to extenuating circumstances, dealt to me, this journal is no longer open for public viewing. Until the time when I feel this threat is no longer an issue and I won’t have my own words used against me this change will remain,


I’m sorry for everyone that I gave my Live Journal address to that’s not on my friends list. Maybe once everyone gets their heads on straight and takes responsibility for their actions I will unblock my journal again. But until that day I am sorry,


Have a good day, week, month, year or whatever unit of measurement you like best  


~*~ The Lovely yet hopeful~*~


Juliet “C
herry VanillaWilliamson

great song

    Title: Hello   
    Artist: evanescence   
    Album: Falling

    playground school bell rings again   
    rain clouds come to play again   
    has no one told you she’s not breathing?   
    hello I’m your mind giving you someone to talk to   

    if i smile and don’t believe   
    soon i know I’ll wake from this dream   
    don’t try to fix me I’m not broken   
    hello I’m the lie living for you so you can hide   
    don’t cry   

    suddenly i know I’m not sleeping   
    hello I’m still here     
    all that’s left of yesterday  

skin care

8 a.m.: Rise and de-shine! Beauty rest? Forget about it. According to Soren White, M.D., chief dermatologist at Skinklinic, a physician-staffed skin spa in New York City, the greatest danger to skin isn’t dirt or pollutants; it’s the oil and dead cells that build up on our faces overnight. However, that doesn’t mean you should scour, scald or squeeze before you put on your makeup. Pass on toners and scrubs, which can strip and irritate your face. Instead, swipe a cotton ball soaked with a glycolic-acid product over your skin. This sugarcane-derived natural exfoliator promotes cell turnover, allowing any cleansers and moisturizers you use to better penetrate your skin. After you’ve finished this morning ritual, follow up with a moisturizer containing SPF — scientists now speculate that as much as 95% of premature aging is due to sun damage — along with a light foundation or foundation powder, advises Dr. Wexler. These create a protective shield, safeguarding your skin from sun and dirt. Remember to keep your makeup brushes clean by lightly washing them every few weeks with shampoo.

9 a.m.: Drink up. Pour yourself a big glass of water, the first of at least eight today. Water keeps skin cells plump and healthy; it also distributes nutrients and helps eliminate waste. Try washing down a multivitamin along with it — nutritional deficiencies can make your complexion dull and sallow.

12 p.m.: Stop stressing! Anxiety can worsen breakouts and skin conditions, says Dr. White. Fortunately, while you can’t sweep all the stress out of your life, you can do a lot to minimize it by making time for yourself. Learning a few quick yoga or relaxation techniques will do wonders to free your mind and soothe your skin.

12:30 p.m.: Hit the gym. A good workout stimulates circulation, a surefire way to keep your skin nourished and rosy, says White. Crunched for time? Even a quick walk around the block can get your blood moving fast enough to make you look great.

3 p.m.: Bring out the balm. Preventing dryness is an all-day job. Just as you should keep your water bottle full morning to night, it’s a good idea to have a light moisturizer or water mist on hand so you can continue to topically hydrate, especially if you spend a lot of time indoors, notes White.

5 p.m.: Let ’em see you sweat! Think perspiration is a definite skin-buster? Think again! Research shows that approximately 30% of toxins in the body are eliminated through the skin. A good sweat promotes this cleansing process, keeping your skin healthy and your complexion clear. So whether you’re lounging in your gym’s sauna or making a particularly nerve-racking phone call, go ahead and take the heat!

7 p.m.: Touch up your T-zone. If end-of-day shine is a problem for you, White suggests dabbing an alcohol-based product, such as Clinique Clarifying Lotion #2, on your T-zone. If you’re headed out for the evening, freshen your face with a little tinted moisturizer. You’ll give your skin a lift and your color a boost.

9:30 p.m.: Practice moderation. Many women let down their guard and indulge in their favorite vices at night. But before you drink up, light up or consume one more sugary treat, keep in mind that these lifestyle don’ts are sabotaging the benefits of your skin do’s. Alcohol dehydrates the skin and promotes flushing, which can lead to burst capillaries and, consequently, a ruddy, uneven complexion. Smoking constricts your small blood vessels, and this prevents water and nutrients from reaching your skin. Sweets, meanwhile, offer empty calories that contain none of the skin-nourishing vitamins and minerals that fruits and vegetables do.

11 p.m.: Take it off! Removing your makeup and washing away the day’s grime feels great and minimizes the oil buildup that leads to blemishes. But remember, your nighttime routine should be as pared-down as your morning one. Use a gentle cleanser, and follow up with a skin-specific therapeutic product — a mild glycolic acid for very young skin, or a stronger, retinol-based product if you’re in your mid-30s to 40s. Finish with a moisturizer, and let your cells go about renewing themselves all night long!


I never did get to post about all of it did I? do I really want to is the question…. I’m going to anyway…

and I learned — I PASSED my 1000 post already, this is 1007 counting the private posts thanks eightysix so yeah… no celebration or anything, I don’t really care.

I kinda feel sick over all this shit… Yesterday was okay though… I got some sleep the night before after talking to my sister Lisa for an hour about Dave…. She’s a psych major and it really made me feel better… she’s awesome, I love her to death I really do… and I didn’t get to talk to Victor, he was gone with classes and hanging out with Alvis and I think a few other guys. He’s a gem, I love him.

So I slept in, thats the biggest thing of them all, really! and when I got up it was like… alls right with the world, I felt great! I don’t know what it was though…. maybe it was the fact I was asleep before 11 and I didn’t get up until almost 10! *haha* INSOMNIA KISS MY SCRAWNY LITTLE ASS!!!

hahaha… hm….what did I do after that…. OH! Katy called me and said she might notget to make it to the little “lets organize the music day” and I could have flipped the shit on her for it! We had these plans for 2 weeks … so I give her my cell number and tell her to call me if she can’t come and I’ll go and do it myself…

so I getthere at 12… wait 20minutes for a music teacher because NONE of them are there…. my mom came with me and we’re both annoyed. but we say some other people and talked to them, it was so much fun

so I get in thanks to mr.L — he’s such an asshole really… and I start to do stuff and I figure, I’ll go down to the caf and see if they’re there and I see mr. G from Voorheese and he points me to the others across the room and I go talk to them and I get MORE directions… so I go back to do work in the freezing library and I crank up the goo goo dolls and I’m having a damn good time and KATY ACTUALLY COMES!!!! YAY, so we do the work and it takes 3 long hours! and neither of us had lunch..

so this is the fun part. Katy and I hop in her car and go to Mc.Donalds! woot! gotta love the dollar menu… and we both only had like… a dollar to both of our names!!!

and we finished at about 3 and I went home and spent the rest of the afternoon with my mommy, I even got to cook dinner last night, I made Tacos without ground beef. Morningstar farms makes some great stuff out of Veggis thats so much better than that other shit…

well, the rest of the day goes smoothly… and i’m sitting on messengers last nightr because I had nothing better to do… and Dave messages me… “call me I’m out” I kindly told him no and to call me… this is when the time started to deterroriate for me…

He called me a few hours later and we talked until 9 something about everything thats happened… that was so hard… I don’t know… I think it was the fear I had of actually speaking to him when he got out that did it to me, I didn’t know what to expect really… I didn’t… and when we were talking it all seemed different, we talked about the sun and moon… and how we want to see each other before school starts… so friday might be the day… I just… sighs… my mom is like ” you’re happy to be back in the web” of all of this… that he sucked me back into all of this … and I feel like hell… she says I like it… maybe I do… *sighs* I’m so tired now… after I got off the phone with Dave I went downstairs… called victor… and got a rather large piece of chocolate cake and a can of dr. pepper… I don’t know anymore…

This morning
so.. I was rolling over and my mom woke me up and I went out with my mom early for a long walk with the dog and to talk about shit…we talked all about Dave and I filled her in on a lot of the details… I feel a little blah this morning though… all of this has brought me down really… she said he roped me in again with this… amybe I went willingly? I don’t know… I don’t really feel trapped in this though… sometimes I really don’t like what she tells me, but I do listen and try to use all the things she tells me… but I don’t know sometimes, I have to make my own desisions…

god… angel is playing… I don’t know… I feel like I want to start crying all over again… my mom’s like, he’s not dead move on… but I don’t know… I still feel like I’ve lost him, he was never mine to begin with but I hate seeing people in pain … its everyone if you ask me… not just me… I have shit to do today even though I’m not looking to foward to it…