Stolen from contramatt


1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
Got Engadged

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I rarely make them

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes

5. What countries did you visit? Aside from this one?
Australia

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
not be sick anymore, peace and quiet and a better sense of who I am

7. What date(s) from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making it through the year

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not getting up to Maine

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Dystonia… getting stitches in my finger…

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my gerbils… and the nunchaku class

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Davis, for being so tolerant

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My own…

14. Where did most of your money go?
wasted

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the idea of a wedding

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
anything on the new Goo Goo Dolls CD

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter by 15lbs and thrilled
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Listened to my Davis

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
make excuses

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I don’t celebrate

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
I fell more in love

23. How many one-night stands?
none this year

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Greys Anatomy

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Emily G

26. What was the best book you read?
The mists of Avalon

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Fray

28. What did you want and get?
Martial Arts Nunchaku seminars and teaching classes

29. What did you want and not get?
SLEEP!

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
James Bond

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
IWent to Dennies at midnight

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
if I got married

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Eclectic

34. What kept you sane?
Love and Ostara*

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Rob Thomas … maybe

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
War in Iraq

37. Who did you miss?
My mommy

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Mary

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Love my dearist love, and go with it

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
….i’ll get back to you for this one

Ugh (Dystonia Post )


The dystonia has been bad today… I guess one of my new years concepts will be to post more about this in

 … i’ve said that before but i guess i need to reinforce it to myself…

…but today has been a bad day, the medication hasn’t been helping but i’ve lapsed on doses again. I always forget when to take it and if the timing isn’t right my throat stops working… thats whats been happening again today… I’m not trying to complain, please don’t think im whining … it is my journal so i ahve a right to say whatever i want to anyway…

I’ve choked on everything today thats not been liquid… this is so frustrating… when its not in my hands or in my arms its in my face and throat… i can deal with it better in my hands but once it gets to my face i just cant deal with it. I don’t like not being able to eat, i don’t like being able to drink anything… i hate everything comming back up 5 times! I HATE IT….

i was here by myself working on pasta salad and went to swallow and my throat didn’t swallow again… but i don’t panic much anymore when it happens, i just hope it doesn’t kill me… but it scares me… i wonder what its like to swallow and be able to do it just once and not deal with hoping my throat works or makes things go back and forth…

…its never going to go away, its never going to get better… its progressive… i have to realize that it is not me… it’s a syndrome… i just have to take my medicine on time… i just have to stop focuing on it…


I’m sad today… I really wanted to talk today… but everyone is busy…so I’m just sad today. And that’s okay really…. I don’t mind being sad, I spend a good part of my time feeling sad…

I just really hoped I’d have someone to talk to… because last night I said a whole bunch of stuff I never, ever wanted to say to anyone… but i did say it and now I feel sad inside…

…I think i’m going to go get myself a rose…

A new years state of mind…


I don’t believe in resoloutions, I believe in making plans that can be implemented realistically throughout the year to improve yourself…

… but It doesn’t mean that I’m not going to make the attempt to post in

 more to try to get more awareness for this god damn disease.

It doesn’t mean that I’m not going to try to watch what I say and watch what I do to avoid another fiasco like last year, it’s going to take detarmination and it’s going to mean that I watchout for the old pitfalls that have plagued me since I was little. I can do it, he’s worth it

I am going to get my first and second degree certificates if at all possiable, attend all of the Sabats and Esbats. I want to become a high Priestess, I’ve wanted this for a long, long time and I have to start now. and I am going to start now…

I have more if i can think of them.

mmmm… 2days


Tonight I told Anthony that I always wanted to go out with him… I had a crush on him in High School when he was with Fabs… I wanted to make the attempt after they broke up… but i was too shy… and i ended up with the other guys… and I was with Victor… Then before the other girl… he told me about her and I just felt sad…
And i really gave up before I ever tried… because I’m shy…

So tonight we were talking because he needed someone to talk to… and i told him about that… and now I’m still blushing… Just one of those people I always saw treated the woman he was with like a goddess…

I’m with Davis and he does the same thing…I don’t want him to get any ideas about this being anything that its not. He was one of the two guys I always wanted a chance with…

well… Im going to end this post before i get myself into any trouble

Dream


last night i had 2 of them… one of them is faiding now more than the other one…

the first one i was out main street clintion on halloween and we were trick or treating…. we started at the ice cream shop and coffe place on the corner and i was the only one in there at the time. There was a woman behind the counter that tole me i needed a flash light. i said i had one and it was the tiny flood light my mother gave me for my purse, she had a big one she wanted me to have

i went down the street stoping at the other stores like the halmark store and down to the book store where they gave me something else … i forgot what it is now … but in this little table with sides they hade these things marked “bessom” and they were all made out of pieces of wood put together with thick wire… even down the bristles they were like that… they waved when i moved it. So i just took one and kept going down the street…

I got to the corner and i went to cross and i thought it was clear then these cars came and started running into eachother making me jump to get out of the way… iwas trapped in the middle of the roade and they kept comming at this one car like sharks at the side of a boat and yelled out the window that they were playing a game … the name began with an “R” but i don’t rmember it now… but it was the wrong way and i was stuck in the middle of the street until i got across it

i woke up at that point. i wish i wrote this down earlier. The dream was more Bond-ish in my head….

End of the world as we know it…


I watched the Armageddon thing on history last night… I get myself too scared over things like that…. the Maya say the world is going to end in 2012 and somehow that scares me. I don’t want to die then… but if thats how it has to be thats how it has to be

I know that everyone has been doing that for as long as there has been time … but somehow things like that scare me, not te bible… not anything else… but i know if i post in here then i will feel better about what bothers me.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH… and i cleaned that disgusting cosmic egg of mine today… Did anyone else know it was silver and not meant to be that nasty, nasty black its been for the past 7 years?! I didn’t!

I should take a picture and post it … but i never got the before shot. Everyone knows what it looks like? Right? i’ll get a decent picture with the camera i got recently

Dreams….


I’ve been having very, very vivid dreams lately… I don’t know what the heck is up with it… my medication hasn’t changed! Sometimes I think Davis is the one with all of those answes like the smart boy is… I  don’t know… this is the bulk of the dream. I just know the girl is definately me.

But last night I was a 16 year old girl who was working in a tea shop… I had my little green Kimono and it was probably my first job. All I knew is that I knew what I was suppose to be doing. I was suppose to stand by the door with my hands folded one ontop of my fist and bow when someone came in, take them to their table and then take their order… someone else would bring it out… I would go back by the door.

I was worried about school. We had the exams comming up and I was worried. The kids who got the green sticker on there id tags would get to go to the international school, the kids who got the white stickers would go to the local school and that was almost shameful… only the smartest kids would get to go there. I wasn’t one of the smartest, I should study more and do better in my classes … I was good at what I liked and terriable at math.

but I had my little Job… so I was working and waiting on people when a group of boys came in and one of them I thoght was very hansome… he was very tall too. I think there were 5 of them… older than me, but still talking about work and school and things. I took them over, took the order but the other girl saw how i was looking at the tall one with the sweet eyes. I took his order over.

but I tripped or something… it went all over the floor.. the owner of the shop was angry and was yelling at me but the sweet boy who i was looking at helped me up and I was so embarassed… I hurried to clean it up while the owner was yelling… I was sent back to my place at the door after my 1,000,000 apology. He came over and slapped the top of my hands telling me everything that I had been doing wrong and was not going to tolerate it anymore. One more mistake and I would be out.

I just stood there silently trying not to cry … the hansome boy came back by and smiled at me… told me it was okay and that he was sorry i got yelled at… I smiled… not wanting to get into any trouble again..

So…the exams came and went and when everyone got there marks they came to my shop and you got new stickers to put onto your Id cards… you had one for every school you went too and some where now green and others white. I was off that day, and sitting at a table with a few other girls nad we were going to put our new stickers on… they all had green… I said I had to go… I saw green all around me and felt sick.. As I wasleaving I saw the hansome boy again, I wanted to know his name but in his hand was a green sticker on a tag. I knew it…. he was too smart to be with me… When I got home I put the white one on my tag and thought I was only girl in the world going to the local school and not to the other one. My mom was still proud of me

I still worked at my shop and I still saw him…he came in to talk to me when i was on my way out to not get me introuble… but he was going to the green schools… I was going to the white and there was no way for me to get out of it…I tried.. I retook exams… I did everything… I could have done more… but i stayed at my little tea shop until i moved away.