my lovely birthday…


well… i got the money in my bank account before it took it out for savings and i was over drawn

I got gas in my car … made it to class in time…and all of my friends forgot that it was my birthday… everyone who i helped make a big deal out of it for forgot…

my mom came and we went to taco bell too. Too bad its lent because she couldn’t enjoy the zesty nachos like i got to. but she had a burrito. I got a cameo from an estate sale and its really pretty and pink. I’m scared that I’ll lose it if i wear it a little bit. she said she got me 2 other things but those aren’t important really she returned them.

so we went over to the craft store that is closing and I got 2 craft panels there that are Suzy Zoo. The woman who cut the material was a weirdo and said that I don’t look like someone that would want Suzy Zoo craft panels. I seem too edgy for that! I can’t believe her she seemed like such a bitch. We went to the pet store too in the same strip mall and i got a ball for the gerbils too. That was the rest of my morning with her. We stopped at the food store too and got things and she went home because it was raining too hard and stuff with the dog.

So i went over to the dorm and am brought me the flowers my mom had delivered with the teddy bear for the ACS for daffodil days. that was really cool and she brought cupcakes and i took a few of them and i left them over at the dorm… the ones i didn’t want.

and thats okay. I try to downplay my birthday because I hope that someone is going to make the big deal anyway for me and make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. Or that I have these people that really, really care about me. I’m not upset with anyone and i’m not trying to sound like a spoiled rotten bitch about this or anything … i’m just a little disappointed.

I asked for a cake and i got a cupcake with a sticker…

…and Davis is working until 10 tonight, he said that hes going to try to get home early. He got permission to get home early and i know that he will but it makes me sad … i’ll go see him at lunch but then i’ll be here by myself until he gets home tonight.

I’ll figure out something to do to amuse myself.

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I said horriable things in my sleep last night


I was SCREAMING at him in my sleep last night… SCREAMING… told him i wouldn’t marry him… told him i wanted him to go away… that i didn’t love him. It was horrible to hear him tell me. I don’t want these dreams to happen anymore. I don’t remember any of those things but i know hes telling the truth… it happened 2 nights ago..and last night… i have a sick feeling like its going to happen again tonight… i don’t want it to happen again.

What part of i love him doesn’t my brain get. He thinks that its stress i think its true … but i talked to my mom today and it brought up stuff with my Davis… part of me feels better since we talked about it and she knows hes not going away anymore…

i don’t want to sleep…. i don’t want to close my eyes and think of screaming at him in the night when i would rather be silent and snuggle….

he’ll be home soon. i did some cleaning… i cant wait to be in a bigger place