i need to go to bed but it SO aint happening

well … today was suppose to be the day I get all my teeth filled … now its moved to 10/18. I hope I can be a big girl … it’s been a good day other than that. That whole thing still scares me i know I can do it.

I need to do it, I cant be scared of everything anymore. He cant take it from me. I just want us to be happy together and I dont know what to do about it anymore. Im not trying but how can I make myself try when I know its just going to fail. its the wrong attitude but I dont know what to do to get over it.

But… in a sick way … my secondlife is picking up again … I need to spend the time in my 1st life too … I want him to be happy … im not doing well at that.

yeah … some weekend this turned out to be…

Im kinda sad I tried to R/O this weekend and I ended up working the wole thing so far… yeah… Im off today but its not like what I was hoping for.

and hes off the wrong days too. So sad…. we just got back from the seeing the lion king. I think we need to own it on DVD because that seems like the only way we’re going to watch it and really enjoy it. I thought it was going to be great and it wasn’t that great. it was just too dark. we should have seen it in not 3D, but I raelly liked just going to see it with my bunny because it made me think of all those good things together.

so he’s off today, tomorrow and monday and I have to work … its so sad. and we’ve not even gone to the fest. it’ll be a disappointment of course … but I really, really wanted to go to the highland games. Oh well… I’m not meant to go, I never get to see them every year. Next year i’m not going to say I want to go and hopefully I’ll get there for the caber toss.

a little sad today.

God’s Lent Child

I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief
You’ll always have his memories as a solace in your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love and not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may
And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.
But should the angels call him much sooner than we’d planned
We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.”
~ Author Unknown

I think my migrane is almost gone … I asked my mom to help me pay for my fillings. she said she would as long as I pay her back. of course I will. That means that we only have to come up with $200 of it. we can do that.

I hope I can be a big girl for that… 19 more days to go. 🙂

and then I need to work tomorrow, and Monday … then I can get a break and go to sleep and get up and that’s my day off. woo.

crap. it’s late. I need to go to bed… shit. But bunny drops me off tomorrow.

so I work with shitheads … one of them happens to live on the same street as me. She and ancient bitch were talking smack about me and now I know who I REALLY can’t trust.

this one ‘loves busting liars’ fuck her. We’ve lived in the same neighborhood for YEARS and she’s never spoken to me and now she’s going to do this. fine. Whatever.

…the thing is, I gave that up a long time ago, the lying I mean. It’s not worth it, it’s not helping anyone and it only makes things worse. So, they’re not going to catch me lying because I don’t do it. so, that really wrecked my day.

I have a killer migrane and wedding cakes to do … one of them cancelled because Larry is a dick… oh, and one woman fell of a ladder about 20 feet in the air and broke her back… that makes me sick too.

I’m tired of all the bullshit … but I’m just going to do my job and go home, it works … and best of all … I don’t think they can get me. My feelings are really hurt and I feel kinda sick over it … I don’t like people who want to make trouble … it breaks me.

I don’t want to put up with it.

I went to my moms today and Xamp stayed home, it was a good day but I can’t believe the flood … its so bad. We got my bike and a few other things. .. oh and dishes, brought home dishes…. and a fish. I love how things are now with my mom … they’re better … and almost normal