my life isn’t fair… people are such assholes…

Random questions ::
{x} Fallen for your best friend?:: Yeah
{x} Made out with JUST a friend?:: I hope too tonight ^^;;
{x} Been rejected?:: Hell yeah
{x} Been in love?:: Yeah
{x} Been in lust?:: yeah. his name is brian… and I’m glad it didn’t work
{x} Used someone?:: once or twice, but I hate doing that…people weren’t meant to be used.
{x} Been used?:: yeah…by someone who was suppose to be my closest friend… and it hurt
{x} Done something you regret?:: plenty of things and some of them are very recent

Who was the last person ::
{x} You touched?:: I hugged my mom
{x} You talked to?:: Artie
{x} You hugged?:: my mom
{x} You instant messaged?:: Artie
{x} You yelled at?:: I don’t yell…but everyone thinks I do because I like “!!!!!”
{x} You laughed with?:: I don’t remember

Have you : are you : do you ::
{x} Considered a life of crime?:: My uncle is the warden in a maximum security prison… so no…
{x} Considered being a hooker?:: I’m to modest….
{x} Considered being a pimp?:: I think I am one actually 😛
{x} Are you psycho?:: depends… knife wealding, body slashing decapiting psycho no. but I am everything else!!
{x} Split personalities?:: I don’t know… let me ask my invisable friends…
{x} Schizophrenic?:: no thanks
{x} Obsessive?:: I’ve got a minor OCD though
{x} Obsessive compulsive?:: yeah actually… but I’m not bad or anything, I’m not straghtening the fringe on my carpets or something
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?:: why not!
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them?:: yeah
{x} Understanding:: i think so
{x} Open-minded: I try to be
{x} Arrogant:: Not really
{x} Insecure:: kinda
{x} Interesting:: i try to be
{x} Hungry:: not right now… are you?
{x} Friendly:: Of course!
{x} Smart:: I wish!!
{x} Moody:: sometimes!
{x} Childish:: I have my moments
{x} Independent:: I try to be… but it doesn’t always work!
{x} Hard working:: Only if its worth it
{x} Organized:: in my own messed up way…. yes
{x} Healthy:: depends on your idea of healthy
{x} Emotionally stable:: Must I answer this?
{x} Shy:: no
{x} Difficult:: always!
{x} Attractive:: people tell me that…but why I don’t I believe it
{x} Bored easily:: yeah… that’s why I’m taking this
{x} Thirsty:: you know… yeah * drinks out of her waterbottle*
{x} Responsible:: I wish
{x} Sad:: a lot right now
{x} Happy:: Not yet
{x} Trusting:: Sadly… yes
{x} Talkative:: always!
{x} Original:: I think so
{x} Different:: totally!
{x} Unique:: hell yeah
{x} Lonely:: very
{x} Color your hair?:: highlights

{x} Have tattoos?:: Nope
{x} Piercings?:: Nope, not even my ears
{x} Have a boyfriend?:: depends on who’s asking
{x} Floss daily?:: Not daily, but I floss
{x} Own a webcam?:: I wish I did
{x} Ever get off the damn computer?:: only when I have to
{x} Sprechen sie deutsche?:: no… I do NOT speak german
{x} Habla espanol?:: Si, …pero mi espanol es muy poquito, por que no le gusta a estudo espanol!
{x} En Francaise?:: oui oui

Currents ::
{x} Current Clothes:: socks, jeans, Mb20 2001 mad seasion tour shirt
{x} Current Mood:: cold and sad
{x} Current Taste:: water
{x} Current Hair:: down and messy
{x} Current Annoyance: My busted shoulder.
{x} Current Smell: air?…
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: everything but being on the compi
{x} Current Desktop Picture: it’s a black scrowling text that says ” I would like my heart back now if you don’t mind”
{x} Current Favorite Group: Goo Goo Dolls
{x} Current Book: JRR Tolken –Return of the king
{x} Current DVD In Player: nothing
{x} Current Refreshment: Water
{x} Current Worry: my shoulder will never get better
{x} Current Crush: Yes.. and I know he knows about it. and he likes me too! ^^ so yeah
{x} Current Favorite Celebrity: Hmm… John Rzeznik is hott… **has a thing for polish guys**

Favorite ::
{x} Food: berries
{x} Drink: Vanilla coke
{x} Colour: Midnight blue
{x} Shoes: my feel good black and white old school keds
{x} Candy: snickers
{x} TV Show: Iron chef
{x} Movie: City of angels and Interview with the Vampire
{x} Dance: I can’t dance… so anything slow works for me.
{x} Vegetable: Raw peppers
{x} Fruit: Berries!! lots of berries

On Dating ::
{x} Long or short hair?:: I like longer hair. if its too short your head looks like a lightbulb
{x} Dark or blond hair?:: dark! dark hair is sexy
{x} Tall or short?:: NOONE OVER 5’10”
{x} Mr Sensitive or Mr Funny?:: a little bit of both!
{x} Good or bad?:: Good to be bad.. 😉
{x} Dark or light eyes?:: light eyes, Blue green ^^
{x} Hat or no hat?:: depends on there head ^^
{x} Pierced or no?:: who pierced what?
{x} Freckles or none?:: as long as the face is not ONE HUGE freckle it’s okay

Other ::
{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate?:: Hot chocolate!
{x} McDonalds or Burger King?:: KFC
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend?:: Perfect friend.
{x} Sweet or sour?:: Sweet
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper?:: Dr.Pepper
{x} Sappy :: action :: comedy :: horror:: Horror
{x} Cats or dogs?:: both!
{x} Ocean or Pool?:: i hate water… I can’t swim and I’m scared of it
{x} Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?:: Cool ranch
{x} Mud or Jell-O wrestling?:: Jello! — ooh the dirty ways to clean all the jello off… 😛 see rick! i can’ be a pervert
{x} With or without ice-cubes?:: without ^^
{x} Shine or rain?:: rain, Sun hurts my eyes
{x} Winter :: Summer :: Fall :: Spring?:: Winter into spring
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate?:: vanilla chocolate chip cookie dough
{x} Gloves or mittens?:: strechie band gloves ^^;;
{x} Eyes open or closed?:: closed
{x} Fly or breathe under water?:: breath under water
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed?:: Waterbed.. ^^
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy?:: hard candy
{x} Motor boat or sailboat?:: Neither..water scares me
{x} Lights on or off?:: Off
{x} Chicken or fish?:: fish

What’s your favorite ::
{x} Number?:: 16
{x} Holiday?:: Christmas
{x} Radio station?:: 97.5 WPST
{x} Place?:: bed
{x} Flower?:: Iris
{x} Scent?:: Ralph – Ralph Lauren or Oilily from germany

Just a few more ::
{x} If you could be anywhere, where would you be?:: hugging the guy I like
{x} What would you be doing?:: not what I’m doing now!
{x} What are you listening to?:: The tv
{x} Can you do anything freakish with your body?:: I can dislocate my shoulder
{x} Do you have a favorite animal, no matter how lame it may be?:: my catfish ^^

morning… again?

I don’t know what it is…but why is it on days when you don’t have to do anything you seem to not be tired at 6am?!?!?!?!?!

I have a therapist appointment at 10:30 …so I really shouldn’t be on the Internet at 9am… Hm… I don’t know, I just feel like sitting around and doing nothing for a while…THEN go take my shower

yes, this is A TOTALLY meaningless post. but I just felt like I was in the mood for saying nothing and making it be important…

~*~moving right along~*~

remember Kiro Shaddi? I’ve mentioned him before. Well now… he’s a doll. He’s a true doll and I really, really like him. I don’t know… I’m scared of rushing things and then getting everything messed up ( EX – Brian Green) But he seems different then the other guys. But he sounds so very, very cute. jessie. you could appreciate this as much as I could HE’S POLISH!!!! You know EXACTALLY who else I’m talking about honey!


but yeah… he’s got those great qualities… I’m not trying to fall for him, I’m really trying not to but for some reasion he’s different then other guys. He remind me of Bikuu in a way, just that gentle feeling. and just appears kind.

and why do I get this feeling like he’s going to read me gushing like AN IDIOT and think I’m obsessive or something? well, I’m not. so blah!

Just the green eyes and the dark hair is something I really really go for! and he’s not too tall

My perfect mate [ I’m not shallow… I’m just short]

1) must be under 5’11” when you’re 5’2” everyone is tall, why feel even shorter

that’s the only main thing that I need in a guy other then honestly, integrity, brains and responsibility….. Why does that all seem so hard to find -.-;; *pout* but.. Green eyes, and dark curly hair doesn’t hurt anything! ##^.~##

I probably should continue gushing in the shower.


P.s – I saw this on Alci’s away message one night and I just thought it was great for now

Conserve water — Shower with a friend

You are Chii!  Adoreable, Sweet, Loving
You are Chii!

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La Entrada
You have been given the chance to live
I have been given the chance to die…
and be reborn
Where do you get off making offers like a god?
I am
You? Some old faided wash woman?
I am your heaven … I am your hell
And this is my purgatory where I will rot eternal!
And you have benn offered a chance to never die, to never age to never rot. You’ll never get sick, never suffer. And all I want… is a drop of your blood
a drop of blood…
and then you can live forever


so, my mom went on today and instead of getting the book she wanted she found my LJ … I belive that it was an accident. She’s better then that. If she really wanted to see it all she had to do was click on any one of the links that are in the E-mails that I send!

I’m not really bothered. She just yelled at me for the course language and a few of the adjectives that I placed very liberally all over the post…

oops? NOT

anyway — moving right along to what’s on my mind right now

tomorrow is the last day of exams! AMEN!!!!!

maybe I’m going to go take a nap or something… I don’t know. I’ll post something more later

Delayed school? and another one of jesus followers

well, it’s exam day and as you can tell they decided to delay the school for two hours because we got a quarter inch of snow… Thanks a lot you fucking SOBs in the school board…

damn it I really need to get out, I was looking forward to being home at 1:30 today then hopping on the treadmill to burn all this damned energy! this shoulder thing is driving me nuts… I can’t DO ANYTHING… I’m so use to being able to run around and bash targets and play with my sword and do all that stuff that I love and now I can’t because of this shoulder…. I really can’t wait until I can be my active self again.

but until I can I guess I’m just going to have to run, not that I mind running, it’s kinda fun if you ask me. I’m just not into running long distances. but I NEED to get rid of all this energy.. I have no focus when I have too much energy. I start thinking when I get too much energy…

moving right along. Yeah, I have exams today
1-2 – 9:50-11:10 – Journalism
7-8 -11:20-12:45 – Math
13-14 – 12:50- 2:20 – American Lit from 1914

and again…sherry is trying to convert me, Nice girl but I’m really not interested… she doesn’t get it. I’m not trying to get her to become an atheist.

Sherry: omg, u were too little to judge
SojournerMitzuli: Trust me… I wasn’t
sherry: i think u need to try a different church
SojournerMitzuli: Been there, done that decided to be an atheist
SojournerMitzuli: look, I stayed with the catholics until my confirmation
Sherry: come on…10…you cant make an important decision like that at a certain age
SojournerMitzuli: it’s not important
SojournerMitzuli: Religion is just a polite way to say cult
Sherry: ok, so if u play the drums and you’re not good at it, you’re going to give up completely on music or are you going to try something else?
SojournerMitzuli: Look, I’ve tried Wesleyan, I’ve tried Baptists, I’ve tried Mormons and catholics and Jewish
SojournerMitzuli: I don’t like them! I’ve been to every bible school in this county
Sherry: did you try Orthodox?
Sherry: maybe you don’t like it because you went in there close minded and didn’t try to give it a real chance
SojournerMitzuli: there isn’t one in close proximity to my house
SojournerMitzuli: I went in there with an open mind
Sherry: so u didn’t try everything
Sherry: okay
SojournerMitzuli: I didn’t like all the chanting and the singing and the excitement
Sherry: we dont have that in my church

LEAVE ME ALONE! …I’m not wearing the atheist shirts so back off damn it!!! I’m respecting you, why can’t you leave me alone? You’re a nice girl but come on! Sherry is a friend of mine, and I respect her for having a religion and going through with it. But the second you ask me to go to church then I start backing away.

SojournerMitzuli: I don’t want a religion
Sherry: why not?
SojournerMitzuli: i don’t like them
Sherry: why?? there has to be a reason
SojournerMitzuli: look, I’d tell you but I don’t want to hurt your feelings
Sherry: you’re not, go ahead and talk
SojournerMitzuli: I thing they are organized cults that all the wacko’s and insecure go to! It seems that most people in the churches I’ve encountered are snobbish and feel like they are better then everyone else like they can be saved because they have everything. Well fuck me! I think if you’re going to be cocky about it and try to convert the atheists you’ll have one closed in society
Sherry: boy, you’re one happy person… I’ll talk about myself because you cant judge a group by the whole
SojournerMitzuli: I’m just fine. I hated the way the set up was! I’m judging what I have seen, not what I have not
Sherry: i dont think I’m better than anyone in here
Sherry: i just find inner peace and a sense of direction in church
SojournerMitzuli: that’s good for you! I’m really happy it does something for you. But not for me

Can someone save me from Jesus followers!… and it’s not them that bother me!! Most of my friends are religious. and I still love them to death, I could truly care less what they are… but the seconds you start your feeble attempt to save my soul then I start getting ticked – Good for you, Religion makes you happy, go to church and do what you do AND LEAVE ME ALONE — can’t people see that you’re an atheist because you want to be. remind me… never mention what I am ever again!!!!!!

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Ooooh. Life in general I guess

“mommy do I have to make a meaningful post?”
” yes dear…”

well, I got some of the best advice of my life last night – it wasn’t anything big… or exuberant or anything. it literally was …

“take 6 deep breaths”

i got it from alci, … it actually worked, and I was looking for him this afternoon on Furc but he went out, i really want to tell him that it worked and I finally calmed down… about time I do believe…

Anyway… today was interesting I guess… I went to church and saw Steve. he was going to help the little kinds in the junior ministry… so i went don’t to help him and saw nancy and we ended up helping the kids under grade 2 learn about the gospel. it was fun. it was like something I use to do when I was little and something I use to help with too.

but I get home and mike and I had another little tift… I don’t even remember what is was, nothing like usual I’ll tell you and as I leave the room he yells after me “fuck you” …. I’ve never been so disgusted and horrified in my life… a 60 year old man said “fuck you” to a 17 year old girl….

that’s just ruined my day…

but I went to a kohls in penna… and I went into the girls section and I got a dress for MYSELF in THE GIRLS SECTION of the store. Yes… I still can fit into a girls large… yes I’m short and physically small… I don’t fit into anything else. But I got a white shirt too, so I guess it’s not too bad…

and i got stuff for my finals…pencils… mechanical ones too, the nice kind with the rubber grip, so yeah…

and that’s about it so far… I don’t know, life’s a bitch and it keeps on snowing… I have finals tomorrow too…fuck it

Do I have to cry for you?

I’m not exactally depressed… but I’m not happy either… i feel like i’m just here I guess…too much talk of love and families are getting to me lately…

Visionary, revolutionary, vigilante – these descriptions all fit you well. You are thoroughly disgusted with society and humanity as a whole, and you have several rather diabolical plans to reshape it to fit your designs. You’re probably a loner, and most people think you’re crazy. That’s just because they don’t understand, though, and you’ll show them someday anyway. Heh heh heh. You are known to become very passionate about many causes, have torrid love affairs, and be seen as a either a demagogue or a hero to the proletariat masses.

Be cool! Take the What Do You Want Out Of Life? Quiz

Hamilton said it best ” The common people are the great unwashed”

See which Greek Goddess you are.

You are red. You are impure, but noble. You are precious and true to yourself and others. When you love, you love entirely, and will do anything to make your love happy. You are sure of your identity, therefore, you cannot change others or be changed. You are a true prince, you may be forgotten, but without you, none of us could go on.

What inner color are you?

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You Are Order of the Phoenix!
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just so you know

La Entrada… Rick, Doug, Vic and Artie

‘to touch you, to know you…. to memorize you… that’s what I want.” His voice was light and tender as her stroked my cheek with his soft cold hands. I smiles and turned my face away and blushes lightly and he kisses my blushing cheeks ” suprising. Aren’t i?”
” Very…” my voice was half as strong as the softest whisper and I looked deeply into his beautiful blue green eyes. and I realized that we were sitting underneath a beautiful full moon. and throughout the whole night… I never once though of Tobias.

“I feel like I’ve done more harm coming back to you.”
” no dimitri, you couldn’t have.”
” but you’re not staying here!”
” I can’t… you never understand…”
“but why? I know I’ve done part of it!”
“no…no..not everything happens because of the past Dimirti!”
“then what did it Kismete?”
” I..I don’t know”
“please don’t do this to me”
” Dimitri – I…”
” but I don’t know what I…”

Stop it Kismete!

“to taste you… to feel you… to love you, that’s all I want.” He took one of my cold hands and with his other hand gently stroked my cheek, I leaned my face gently into his hand and felt his soft skin against my face… In yet in a moment the kissing began. and it was like magic. Like the magic of fireworks on a holiday was the feeling of his wonderful deep kisses. and to be closer to him after such a long time away from my own… the moment was wonderful
” I’m floating on cloud 9 because of you” he smiled at me

” I love you kismete”
” And I you Tobias my archangel. never leave me!”
” I can’t. You know that my soul is bound to you.”
kismete wake up
“kismete I love you, Kismete never leave me”
Kismete you’re dreaming wake up
“Marius where did you go?! Marius it’s dark…where did you go?”
” it’s me your Dimitri!”