so, my new job doesn’t suck as bad as the last job did by this point. Im crying for different reasons this time. It’s not perfect, I dont want to stay here forever … but it’s decent for now. the only problem is that i am so exhausted … I come home and Im not even here like 3 hours… then Im passing out.

this is hard. It’ll get better.

the problem now is that I keep freaking out over my teeth and knowing I need some work done … still … since I maxed out our dental plan… I found little pinholes in my teeth … I know they need to be filled but now Im scared to the point that I might actually take the drugs this time……..I don’t need them and I need to stop doing this to myself. I’ve been fine the lat 2 times. and its not like I can go any time soon. He told me what to look for and when to know there is trouble.

I just do this everytime I feel like tings are out of my control, this is something I can sorta control. I just dont know what to do about it.  ihave to go for cleaning in August and we’ll just have to work something else out with them to see what we can do.

Today …. I go into work and I quit my fucking, stupid, worthless job… I found out yesterday the new place hired me … for more money, closer to home … with everthing better.

Dear Wegmans, it’s not me, its you. And you are the weakest link. goodbye.

Weis called me last night … at like 7:20 but I didn’t have my cell on and the store manager wanted to talk to me… he was worried because of some of the stuff from my interview might have made me think he wasn’t telling me the truth. The woman kept trying to talk me into a part time position so I wouldn’t be disappointed … and down from what he promised me from compensation . The woman was nice to me and i liked her and we had a great interview … but it was so nice to hear from the store manager himself that it would be a full time position and I would be getting the amount I asked for. it was so nice to actually be talked to like I matter for once by an employer.

He said I will hear soon about when I can start. It’s so exciting.

I really didn’t mean to annoy him so much that I got sent to bed… that feels pretty awful to know that he got so sick of me like that. I wish I knew what to do to make myself less annoying for him. At least I’ll have a new job soon so I wont be in his way so much. That has to be able to make things better… I know I’m a drama queen, he’s told me that plenty (only in the nice way) and that I’m overwhelming and definitely too much for one person to deal with … and I know its hard with me not working enough hours because he gets no personal space and time away from me. That has to be hard to never be able to escape … he goes to work and then comes home and he’s just always with me … and even my mother said I’m way too much for one person… I really do take a whole town with how challenging and irritating and needy I am.

So, i have a job interview in 90 minutes… I need to go get ready for it … I have a lot to say today … just… i don’t know … no one wants to hear it and then I’m just going to annoy everyone else and then I’m going to run out of people to talk to because no one will want to deal with me because I’m too much of a problem.

it’s hard to fix yourself when there’s so much wrong …

we spent the day with my mom. it was fun … oh, and had cheesecake it was delicious … and  put the moulding up around her bathroom mirror to fix it it was a nice day.

oh… and we got home and Target called me to set up another interview … the one day that we’re not home… it damn figures.

happy independence day!

well … we have no money but I went to Weis was some of our last money but we wanted something to celebrate with … so I went to the store and as I walk in the door I see a ‘help wanted’ sign … looking for experienced cake decorators … I after I got my stuff and checked out I went back over to the service desk to ask them about it … and I had to talk to one of the store managers and she gave me an application and said that I should apply and get back to them as soon as I can…

so I called my mom with this info with the last 7 minutes on my phone … and then I got home to talk to   about it … we agreed I should go for it … thats pretty cool … right? We think its a good idea. So i got some amazing references from Xtina, and Riss and Russ … that’s so awesome… they’re great references.

my app. is almost done, so I work tomorrow and after work when we get home I’m going to bring it over. i hope to god something comes from this … a lot. it’s not the job that I want for the rest of my life … but its a way out of wegmans … and its a way to freedom.