Title: Acoustic #3
Artist: the goo goo dolls
Album: Dizzy up the girl

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What’s the point in all this screaming
No one’s listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
Cause she’s got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
Cause the world got in her way
What’s the point in ever trying
Nothing’s changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you’re falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
Cause the world gets in your way
What’s the point in all this screaming
You’re not listening anyway

Iris…. I feel like I want to die


Iris

And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Do you think my feelings were hurt


Well, before I finally start my bitching for the morning… I just want to say Hi and say that I’m finally 18 and no one gives a damn. So thanks for everything….. Espically to my family who uses me to get to the other ones. Thanks a fucking lot. You all just go rot in hell for using a kid to hurt your own sister!

Okay…. This is how it goes… my birthday was decent. I had fun with my parents. Kinda wished a few of my friends remembered. I don’t want presents or anything, just recognition. Bryan, Kristian, Josh, Eric, Francois and Artie… You guys kick ass. I love you all. You’re the ones that remembered and I love you for it. But because my mom’s side of the family is all insane and they want to hurt her they got mean to me and decided to make it out on me to hurt her….

Because I’ve felt so bad about it I decided to stay home today… just because I needed the break from the world… I’m so tired… But this is the thing last night that hurt me… I’m a lonely soul… and I don’t go to sleep that easily… so I got into a bad habit of calling someone…just to hear there voice before I went to sleep so I wouldn’t be scared… my favorite night light broke… so that the other thing too… But I called Victor last night… because I was scared of something I don’t remember…And he said to me “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings… but if there a reason you call me every night? It gets a little monotonous…” god damn it… it’s just like the yahoo pool thing all over again isn’t it? I’m lonely I’m sorry… so I just hung up… I’m not going to call him anymore for a while…Everyone says this thing has about a week left on it… maybe they’re all right about it… It’s not fun anymore… I always get the impression I’m always bothering him… he says I’m not… but damn it. You know that feeling…

So I talked to Artie for a while… Eric seems to be my best bet for love it seems… we’re closer… and there is stuff there that I know can’t happen anymore…

And Kristian sent me a song by the guy Saybia… It’s called “The second you sleep”… I’ve been listening to it on repeat… and I still feel like crying… I can do that to you… these are the lyrics

Saybia
The second you sleep

You close your eyes, and leave me naked by your side
You close the doors so I can’t see the love you keep inside the love you keep for me

It’ fills me up, it fells like living in a dream, it fills me up so I can see, the love you keep inside the love you keep for me

I stay to watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone… it gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight tomorrow you’ll be gone, I wish by god you’d stay

I stay to watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone… it gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight, tomorrow you’ll be gone, I wish by god you’d stay

Stay….

I stay to watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone… it gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight, tomorrow you’ll be gone,
It gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight, tomorrow you’ll be gone,
I wish by god you’d stay

Stay… Stay… stays….

I wish by god you’d stay t fills me up, it fells like living in a dream, it fills me up so I can see, the love you keep inside the love you keep for me

I stay to watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone… it gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight tomorrow you’ll be gone, I wish by god you’d stay

I stay to watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone… it gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight, tomorrow you’ll be gone, I wish by god you’d stay

Stay….

I stay to watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone… it gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight, tomorrow you’ll be gone,
It gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight, tomorrow you’ll be gone,
I wish by god you’d stay

Stay… Stay… stay….

I wish by god you’d stay

And Chris sent me a song by Trash Can Sinatras “leave me alone”

Also really reflects my mood

Trash Can Sinatras
Leave me alone

Hardest thing of all, is to belong the hardest thing of all is time
Cause I’m not sad at all I can see beyond the hardest thing of all good bye

Leave me alone, you’re all I wanted. Don’t haunt me now… don’t want to know
Leave me alone, found what I’m made of, Don’t want you back. Need you back.

Got no place to go, Feeling going slow, the lowest of the low tonight
Well how and I suppose to know. If you won’t talk to me, don’t talk to me

Just leave me alone, you’re all I wanted don’t haunt me now, don’t want to know
Just leave me alone, found what I’m made of, don’t want you back. Need you back.

Yeah. The hardest thing of all… the hardest thing of all…. is I’m not sad at all
Good bye…

Just leave me alone, you’re all I wanted don’t haunt me now, don’t taunt me now.
Just leave me alone, found what I’m made of, don’t want you back. Don’t need you back.

You're a Dragon Babeh!!!
You are a Dragon! Oh, but not the big fat European
version… Oh no no no you’re a creature of
style and taste. You love the exotic foods of
other places and have a special place on your
pallete for arsenic, and bird’s nest soup. You
are the symbol of royalty, good luck, and
enlightenment. Hey, if you’re good enough, you
could even become a deity!

What Japanese Creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Another year older


Well, for the past two days life has been good. My whole family (outside my mom and dad) forgot it was my birthday…or just didn’t know or care…. but other then that it was great. It made me feel kinda lonely though… you know, just get ot see everyone have a great time with friends on there birthdays and I spent it with my parents…

i’m not bitching or anything, I had a great two days…. totally awesome I had a great seminar day yesterday at westmenster choir college and spent the whole day learning how to make my compositions and arrangements. I met a nice guy who I’m hoping to stay friends with and it was totally great. The Composing music for movies was the best one of all, I leanred how to do it and what makes it good. I loved that sooo much

And when I got out I got to go for Sushi and one of the guys who was working at the bar was really ,really hott Jap dude. and My mom told one of the ladies that worked there that it was my birthday and I got to sit at the bar. I’m never aloud to do that. and the head chef, he made me a birthday cake out of sushi!!! he made a stand out of rice and spicy tuna then a ROSE out of Salmon. and there was red roe on the outside of the pedistle. It was soooo beautiful tasted good too

and today was cool too. I got my paycheck and I got to go to the mall and have some fun. And I found out I’m going to get to see Eric soon ^^ YAY I’m so excited. but I got some cool stuff. I got noodle bowls, and A conductors baton and a musicians notebook and a jade necklass ^^ it was cool…

and there was stuff about my fish today too. but I’ll talk about the tomorrow -very stressful!

Sounds about right


Smirk
You’re the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that’s a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don’t give a damn,but it’s
everyone else’s fault if you don’t because
you’re too awesome to have any real faults.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

mysterious
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you’re going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it’s sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

good crikie captian… we’re being attacked by high flying furballs…


Last night was interesting… definitely not how I planned on spending my evening if you must know…I talked to Fran├žois…( Thanks Chris… we talk later….) and Everything turned into a ball of fire, I don’t know anymore… he wants to love me but I’m just here…. I want to think that it’ll all turn out right in the end but I’m so tired of feeling like I’m being trapped… he wants to love me so badly… it’s not the distance… it’s not what he’s thinking it is… I just feel like he’s looking for another Jessica…. and I can’t do that… I’m kind, but I don’t know what to think anymore…. he’s a great guy… but I’m just…. yeah… fuck it, this post is to get stuff off my chest from this whole god damned day…

I have to start with last night because…as you see… that’s where everything started building…. Eric…. He got a phone call from a girl he knew in Highschool, Jayne, she found his number and wanted to talk to him. and they did… but this got him really, really conserned…. he tied himself into a knot so tight over it lastnight… I called him at 9 just to talk… and he told me a lot of stuff…. God… it killed me to see him like that… seriously… But this girl, He had a crush on her for a while… then it kinda went away. but by the way he told me she acted around him sometimes it seems like she may have felt the same way. but after Hs they went there separate ways. and she’s at the college he’s planning on going to… he spent so much time last night thinking about it… He really doesn’t want to hurt anyone… but just seeing him get himself tied up into such a knot over it ws just killing me… He sounded, for most of the time we were talking, like he could just start crying… that just ripped my heart out… because god I wanted to be there to hold him and to try and make it better…*sighs*

” if you’re wondering what I’m asking in return dear
you’ll be glad to know that my demands are small
Say it’s me that you’ll adore, for now and ever more
that’s all… that’s all..”

It’s terrifying to talk about what actually went on last night because a lot of it was private… but i just feel so bad that there wasn’t anything I could do to make him feel better…. i wanted to rub his back…just try to comfort him… *sighs*

but… sometimes I feel like i can’t post anything in my LJ… like everyone is reading it and then i’m fucking screaed because someone is going to get pissed at me… but there is noithng I can do about it is there… I need to post stuff…espically now…. maybe I should call eric… and I need to call Dave too….

Dave is in the ICU since Saturday… he had a skiing accident and he’s not doing to well and god Im’ worried about him and I hope he’s going to be okay… my mom said that spleens are can just be taken out and then you’re okay…but he’s in the icu for 2 days….. 2 DAYS….. I have to go find out whats going on and where he is… if he’s in the icu still or if he’s okay or not….