I'm a Snow Leopard!

A fluffy snow-cat, you’re always able to appreciate a soft bed
and a quiet moment of thoughtful contemplation, though you don’t let
this mind set inhibit your social life – a friend to all, you’re never too busy
to offer a hug to anyone who may need it.

SEXUALITY: Bi-sexual nd fucking proud of it baby!
IM GUILTY OF: Being a bitch and speaking my mind… loudly
I’M PROUD OF: being a bitch and speaking my mind… again, Loudly
SCARIEST MOVIE: Psycho! love that movie!
CURRENT JOB: Student, short order cook
FUTURE JOB: Music teacher
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES: Glasses when I’m in the mood
PETS: A catfish i call Dude and a huge gold fish and a doggie

BAND/ARTIST: Goo goo dolls,Everclear, stabbing westward, Richard Nygård Band
BOOK: Anne Rice, star wars, La Entrada
HOBBIES: Marching and singing
COLOUR: Midnight blue
GAME: Mahjong
FOODS: Chinese food, Sushi Pokey

FRUIT: Strawberries
ICE CREAM: Strawberry
CANDY: Chocolate
MOVIES: Interview with the vampire, Sailormoon movies
TV SHOW: Crossing over
CARTOON: SailorMoon and batman beyond
FLOWER: Peach roses
GEMSTONE: Aquamarine
HOLIDAY: Currently? Columbus day! Because I march in NYC!!!
JEWELERY: all silver, my small chain, I have a heart frim Victor on a chain and sometimes a crystal snowflake from Vicci-san, I have about 4-8 silver rings, 3 bracelets
SEASON: well, Winter and right before summer gets hot hot
PLACE TO VISIT: Chicago and new York
THING TO WEAR: hooded shirts

KISSING/HUGGING/F@#KING: hmm all of the above
*****************HAVE YOU EVER*****************
BROKEN A BONE: Still broken
BEEN ON A BLIND DATE: NO never been on a date

*******************WHAT IS*******************
YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM: I’m my own good luck charm LOL
WORST FEAR: Losing my family
ON THE WALLS OF YOUR ROOM: a sign that says “Property of Dallas Cowboys, a shelf, a Celtic cross and Marti Gras beads.
UNDER YOUR BED: OH GOD…papers…pens..toys..anything the kids put there

*******************ARE YOU*******************
A GOOD SINGER: Hell sure
GOING TO GET MARRIED: I hope so ^^;;


You are trying to evade your problems and difficulties and tensions by ‘leaping before you look’. This could be construed as a ‘panic’ situation and panic is an irrational fear – ‘loss of control’. You are desperately seeking a way out of it all and because of any headstrong decisions that you may be making this could lead to an extremely dangerous situation. Slow down – matters seem to find a way of resolving themselves. Without sounding complacent remember that ‘all’s well that ends well’.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren’t working out and you don’t quite know which way to turn.

You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

There is considerable amount of stress present in your life at this time and this is perhaps due to some considerable mental and physical frustration. There are various physical needs that are necessary for your well-being but whatever the reasons – mostly of your own making – your needs are not being fulfilled. We wonder why? You are under the impression that nobody seems to care for you. This predicament is most uncomfortable and it is because of this that you are experiencing far more stress than you feel you can cope with. You need to find a soul mate – someone who truly understands you and whose standards are as high as your own. As matters stand you would like to break away from the vicious cycle that you find yourself entrapped but this is easier said than done. You refuse to compromise with your opinions and essentially you are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of the necessary decision. You are stubborn but this should be no deterrent experiencing a happy life.

You are completely worn out – physically and mentally – and it has got to the stage where ‘you don’t want to participate anymore’. You are in fact experiencing what is known as ‘burnout’ and your reaction is such that you feel that everyone is against you yet you still seem to refuse to listen to reason. You are hostile, bitter and indignant. You insist that you want and are entitled to your own way – well maybe you are, but your attitude is not conducive to making friends. Take it easy. Let go and get back into the World.

At this time you don’t particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche ‘smile and the world smiles with you – cry and you cry alone!’?

-.-;;; ** many tears**

Well, I blew my Audition for drum major.. All because my stupid Band director seems to think that I said Fuck right infront of him… maybe I did… I hate being me!!! so… I totally blew my chance of ever doing anything for band ever again… I might even get kicked off of band counsel because I was hot, tired and screwed up big time! -.-;;; I just did so badly..

and maybe if I put my headphones IN the computer I could HEAR my music!!! -.-;;

I was so bad.. I ws the second to last person to go.. and it was just horriable. The bell rang and distracted me… and the marching went wrong… **crying** I marched all right except for the one part where I screwed up… I have to conduct AND do an interview tomorrow… I just WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH! I don’t want to be Drum major! I just wanted to try… I just want to be part of the detail… I really blew it this time didn’t I… So, once again.. I get to stay after until whenever there done…

I don’t even feel right about posting in here anymore… It’s like, there’s stuff I want to say but the wrong person might read it and hate me… Forget it…

MY biggest problem… well, not a problem… it’s hard to explain… I mentioned how Rob left me for Jen and was really rude to me at school but not on line… well, he got his head out of his ass and explained everything to me… ((maybe it’s because she went Psycho bitch on him)) … But I’ve always loved him… I’ve been falling in love with him since I first met him… he’s a great guy when he’s being himself… I don’t know what it is… I shouldn’t feel this way should I?
Victor’s moving on, I feel like he’s sick of me… I don’t think he can take not having the physical anymore… and if he calls it through I’m going to go with it… nd maybe date rob… I’m falling in love with him… and it feels like since Victor and I don’t talk much anymore… we’re drifting apart… I don’t like it… I miss talking to him… I found myself just staring at his SN last night as Jessie told me they were having a great conversation… I felt kinda sad.. Then when I signed off last night without saying anything to Rob… he called me and we talked… and he made me feel better… he’s really sweet to me… there’s a lot of stuff from when we were sorting music I’m not going to go into… but he made me feel so special… **soft smile**

now.. for a song I believe it’s a translated poem from what Kristian told me!

as sung by the Richard Nygard band

May god go hard on you and this.
Cause you swallow days oh heat
Regret your loving words you did,
It’s just a deadened street.
And light, and sun of love is gone,
My road… is long.
God go hard on you.

May god be good to you and yield
Every minute life was Joy
From you I’ve got so many names,
You called me a little boy.
And offered me your Hands, your lips,
A little while for mine for keeps
Just mine for keeps

God be good to you and this
May god be good to you.

May god be good to you and yield
Every minute life was Joy
From you I’ve got so many names
You called me a little boy
And offered your hands you lips
A little while just mine for keeps
Just mine… for keeps

God be good to you and yield
May god be good to you


You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back… so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that ‘Life is worth living’ and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don’t particularly care where it comes from!

You wear your heart on your sleeve and since you are an emotional person you are apt to give your all – heart and soul – to all those that show you a little affection; but take care – it would appear that you have been extremely hurt in the past and you keep leaving yourself wide open for punishment.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You’re really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your ‘thing’ in your own way.

You wish to be left in peace… no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don’t want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for ‘them’ to get on with it – and to leave you alone.

Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore ‘why bother?’ You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.

Survey… out of boredom

Location: The Armpit of America
Occupation: Daughter, sister, lover, student, short order cook, musician
Height: 5 ‘2”
Weight: 113
Eye color: blue and green
Hair color: Dark brown with highlights

Current dress: Khaki shorts and my drum line shirt

Current make-up: None
Current mood: Relaxed and kinda tired

Current taste: Hot dogs …ugh…
Current hair: Down and kinda short
Current annoyance: Broken shoulders
Current smell: Hot dogs …ew…
Current longing: To be in my baby’s arms
Current thing I ought to be doing: Homework
Current desktop picture: black with a sample poster of SW Ep 2
Current book: Old man in the sea

Current CD in stereo: Richard Nygård band
Current DVD in player: Nothing at the moment
Current color of toenails: Natural
Current refreshment: Iced tea
Current worry: Nothing!!

You Touched?: Rob
You talked to?: My Mom
You hugged?: Rob
You instant messaged?: Victor
You kissed?: Rob
You yelled at?: Jackie the beast
Who broke your heart?: Rob and Victor…

Food: Chocolate munskins!
Drink: Iced Tea with lemon
Color: .Midnight blue
Shoes: my Barefoot
Candy: Pokey!!
TV Show: Sponge Bob and CSI
Dance: Something slow, so I can snuggle ^^;;
Song: Richard Nygård band – Sing your song & Lisa Loeb Stay
Vegetables: Nori
Fruit: peaches

Understanding?: I think so
Open-minded?: Yes
Arrogant?: Sometimes
Insecure?: yes
Interesting?: yeah
Hungry?: Not now
Friendly?: depends on my mood
Smart?: yes
Moody?: Depends on the time of the month
Childish?: yes
Independent?: No
Hard working?: yes
Emotionally stable?: Depends on whats going on
Difficult?: yes
Attractive?: I think so
Bored easily?: yes
Messy?: Yes
Responsible?: sometimes
Obsessed?: hell yeah
Angry?: .No
Sad?: .kinda
Happy?: Yes
Trusting?: It’s hard for me to trust people… but I can if I need to
Ill?: not right now
Talkative?: yes
Original?: Yes
Different?: very
Quirky?: Hell yeah
Ignored?: Constantly
Reliable?: Always
Content?: yes
Optimistic?: depends
Deep thinker?: Yes
Self-disciplined?: Yes
Sleepy?: yes
Lonely?: Yes
Mortal?: nope

Kill?: Jackie sometimes
Shag?: Rob
Slap?: Jackie
Get Really Wasted With?: Jackie
Tickle?: Rob Josh
Look like?: Me
Be like?: Lisa
Talk to?: Rob or Josh

I feel so relaxed. I don’t know why though, In less then an hour I have to be back at school to march in a parade in a town 10 miles away and probably… have to face Rob, who told me he loves me again last night…

My faith, along with my trust are still weak with him, he keeps saying he loves me and when he went to get committed to jen he really wanted that commitment to be with me!
Puleeze… I think I mentioned what happened with him… He went to the girl that wanted me to be killed and totally blew me off. So, I started playing along with him. and it upset him. that I didn’t care, I even got a date to the prom just to spite him! well, not as spite, but you know. to let him know I moved on! And now he wants me back… I’ll kiss him today… but he’s not my Vicci

Stay– by Lisa Loeb

You say
I only hear what I want to
And you say
I talk so all the time-so

And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don’t belong
And now that I am leaving
Now I know that I did something wrong cause I missed you
Yeah, I missed you

And you say
I only hear what I want to
I don’t listen hard
I don’t pay attention to the distance that you’re running or to
Anyone, anywhere
I don’t understand if you really care
I’m only hearing negative, no no no-bad

So I turned the radio on I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing my song
The lover’s in love and the other’s run away
The lover is crying cause the other won’t stay
And some of us hover when we weep for the other who
was dying
Since the day they were born well
Well this is not that
I think that I’m throwing but I’m thrown

And I thought I’d live forever but now I’m not so sure
You try to tell me that I’m clever but that won’t take me anyhow

Or anywhere with you

And you said that I was naive
And I thought that I was strong
I thought “hey I can leave, I can leave”
But now I know that I was wrong cause I missed you
Yeah I missed you

You said “you caught me cause you want me
And one day I’ll let you go”
You try to give away a keeper or keep me cause you’re know
just to scared to loose

And you say,
You say
I only hear what I want to.

La Entrada

Present Day La Entrada ( kismet todavias)

I didn’t know it then, but as I left the protection of the small shop i quickly learned it was raining outside, I could feel the soft, cool rain against my stone cold face. Why should I rush, the rain was soft and sooting, standing in the rain the mind gift let me see the surrounding area. on the road behind me was a crossing, a yellow bridge and a small waterfall, with it’s own red mill, the body walked forward, the knew where they were going, The main street had many small stores along the one lane road. crossing the street there was a small coffee shop. my body followed the eyes, there was a table and 2 shairs under the Dark red and purple awning. I sat in one of the metal chairs, removing my mind from the body I just let myself sit.
`Let me relax for this moment’ I yawned and felt the cool glass behind me head

Hello Mrs..C,
I’ve talked to Victor since you called my house… I think he told you that I was at my 2nd spring concert that night, I got your message late and my parents weren’t exactly thrilled with the whole idea… this keeps going down into a ball of fire. I keep trying to talk but they don’t want us to get together, they’re trying to keep Victor and me apart.

I’ll get to the main point of this E-mail… and this hurts me to say… Vic said that you told him something about finding someone closer… and.. I don’t want to say this, but you’re right. You’re 100% right. It doesn’t matter how much I love him, I want him to be happy, and he’s not, he deserves someone closer to him, closer then 438Miles. He needs someone who could be there for his graduation, or have graduated with him… And that’s not me, I’ve told him i want him to keep an open mind when he goes to fayetteville… maybe he’ll find the perfect someone there! He means the world to me, but I want him to be happy before I am! This isn’t good for anyone. He’s too grate a guy to be with someone he can’t touch. Do you understand what I’m talking about?

I only want him to be happy… and I don’t think I can be the one to do that anymore. please, E-mail me back… tell me what you think of this..


**sighs** SOMEONE… ANYONE!!…help me… I’m dying…