The Dream …


Okay, I’m not lazy anymore… bullshit I just want to stay one and talk to my Vicci…

You are vivi
You are very shy, yet very powerful. You care about others a lot too. You are a real sweetheart. ^_^

take this quiz!

This is the 2nd dream like this one that I’ve had… feels dumb for putting this in her LJ … I think I was in shop*rite or something like that, and I think I thought I was short money and other weird things were going on… so I go to check out and this guy ( Paul Bass) was the bagger, (( in my head he was a hottie)) And in the lane next to me was Sue a woman I know, complaining about how it was raining after she turned her AC on in her car… (???) and they lady tossed me a box of tic tacs….. there was another lady I know at the register and I check out I was upset over something and the guy tells me it’ll all be okay and gives me a white bag with a pen and a bouncy ball, and he walked out with me. and the doors were like silver arches and they slide. There where lots of colors all over the place and Paul was walking behind me with her arms around my waste, and i liked it and he kissed me. we went through 2 sliding silver arch doors, then there was another silver door like the last but it has a sliver like, half circle going out words with block letters that said something like Pennsylvania or phillipsburg. and we kissed good bye and he couldn’t come with me. and i went through those doors and I met my mom and some kind of discovery story.. she was looking for a carriage for isabella … and the thing looked weird. and we went through the mall in a little car.. and that mall looked a lot like the building CBC is in! There are 2 other stores on the front side, some grass, a sidewalk and a HUGE tree… and the small purple Circuit city ( I think) amazed me… then I woke up…

Two days worth of useless knowledge


you know… maybe my parents and I would get along better if it wasn’t 20 question-like every morning when I get up! I’m not even in my right mind yet and I’m getting questions shot at me by my crack head mother! Jesus! She’s such a psycho!!

take last night for instance, I haven’t felt to good for the past few days, too much on my mind combined with a nasty case of writers block… NG ( Na Good)… And I swear to god my mother has no common sense in her head! There were fireworks last night, And USUALLY i hate those things… a few years ago I had a bad experience on the 4th of July and I’ve never been able to see live fireworks without spazzing… well, Janet decides to drag everyone out to go look at the damned things @ 9… well, they didn’t start until 9:30 and she brought the skitzo dog that’s terrified of loud noises… sorry lady, last time I checked there FUCKING SHELLS THAT MAKE NOISE! so she’s flipping out the whole damend time about it.. I told her not to bring it but she spazzes on me because she

” didn’t know we would have to stop close to them….”

HEY LADY! WAKE UP CALL ON YOU! FIREWORKS ARE LOUD! ADAPT!!!!!

so we drove around for an hour with a fucking dog in the car that’s flipping out… so enjoyable… so very enjoyable… 9.9;

But here’s a shocker. My dad and I actually are getting along… well, with the exception of a few minutes ago while I was still sheathing over my mother harassing me while I was trying to eat… I just don’t get her! I’m sitting at the table and she’s going 20 questions ar me.She always does that and it pisses me off, just for the fact that I usually don’t know the things she’s asking me! I mean my GOD. I have useless conversations with people and enjoy it! And she seems to think that I need to get information from someone for it to be meaningful! … Oh, Right… my dad
aside from the bass incident… we’ve actually gotten along, that’s a fucking first. He wants to spend time with me for once, usually it’s “get out of my site.” Not ” lets go see a movie” … I’m not use to this kind of stuff…

I’m quoting John Rzeznik from the goo goo dolls
” All my life I was either a peanut vender and a song writer, A dishwasher and a song writer… but now that I’m just a song writer I’ve begun to wonder is this what I’m really suppose to be doing.”

and that’s how I feel… especially about La Entrada… my book… maybe it’s not meant to be… and I wanted it so badly nothing ever works out does it? … I wanted to be the next Anne rice but I’m just thinking about giving up… Kismet Todavias and Alaborn Relicbane just aren’t giving anything to me anymore… and I’m written so much about them… just… it’s not coming together and it bothers me so much… because I love to write… but I have the block…
The funny thing about writers block is that you’re actually writing the whole time… but think everything sucks…
FIGURES!!!!

I have more to post… but… I just want to spend time with my Victor.. and enjoy what I have right now… because I just have this feeling like everything my be shattered… and I love him way to much to see him hurting…

How I celebrate my year


I got the off of Atheists.com. This is how I plan on living my life in college and Hopefully teach my daughter how to live

Living in the Light:

Dancing Daze — Creating Celebrations

Anne R. Stone

Anne Stone has been writing books for children for over twenty years. She has studied history, religions, psychology, and languages extensively. In 1997 she founded the Institute of Higher Sciences, which currently is involved in neuronal modeling and mapping. Her book Living In The Light: Freeing Your Child From The Dark Ages is being published by American Atheist Press and will appear early in the spring of 2000. The book deals with the rearing of Atheist children.

In an old episode of the new cartoon spoof, South Park, one of the children bemoans how hard it is to “be a Jew at Christmas.” How much harder for a child to be an Atheist. Dad, Mom: not only do you have to fight the insanity of religion in the schools over Creationist dogma, not only do you have to protest the “Pledge of Allegiance” or explain the “In God We Trust” on the money, you have to encourage a child to miss out on the party.

Or do you?

Religions fight dirty, in my opinion. They try to get a body down and then shove that afterlife crap into you as though they were vengeful lepers. So I fight back with fire. I don’t ban Santa, I one-up Santa. But I am Irish, and the only way around a tall tale is a taller tale. Now, I don’t advocate creating more mysticism for a child to get even more confused, just a better party.

Christmas, Chanukah, Saturnalia and All Those Lights

Winter Solstice north of the Tropic of Cancer has always been a down time. Almost every Northern religion has a festival of lights around this time. Because Christians inherited the Roman Empire, Winter Solstice is a big deal, a BIG deal. And it has become a big DEAL. Most schools cave into the pressures of marking social events, and Christmas is one of the biggest –with a vacation, a pageant, and even gift exchange in school. Is your child going to sit in the corner happily and explain to everyone that he or she is an Atheist? Right. And what planet are you on, Mom?

My own son hated Santa Claus with such a passion that I didn’t have to do much about playing down Christmas. But he also isn’t too much into gifts and insisted at the age of five that he had too much stuff and didn’t want a Solstice gift. Most children aren’t this cooperative.

The essence of Winter Solstice is astronomical. In a family where partying is more appreciated, try having a “Lights of Knowing” party revolving around astronomy. Hang as many lights as you want, stay up all night, exchange gifts with a certain purpose, and create some stories.

For the small child, start with the stars. There is a wealth of stories about the constellations and a taxonomy of stars that is fascinating to a small child. Let the story of Cassandra or Draco or Orion compete with Santa. Hang or paint constellations in glow-in-the-dark paint in your child’s room. Name the lights with the names of the different stars, each one with a story. Create a yearly celebration of reciting the history of astronomy, from the days when men first looked up at the stars to the excitement of Copernicus, Tycho Brahe, and Galileo. Set up a custom of “Enlightenment” gifts, where at least one gift in the lot is a gift to expand a child’s horizons.

Older children can benefit from a yearly expedition to the planetarium or a telescope party. Have them invite their friends to stay up late, hear star stories, and look through a telescope at the moon or the planets. Let these children set goals every year about how they will push back the darkness of ignorance each year and give them a gift to help them do it. Make a party with drinks, presents, star-gazing, and lighting candles for each new thing the child has learned during the year. Have prizes and competitions for intellectual accomplishments of memory or discovery in the form of performances for relatives.

Teens want to do things that are daring and outside of parental guidance. A great way to celebrate along the same lines is to let the teen invite friends over for a Science Fiction Marathon where they can stay up all night to lights and watch “Star Trek” or “Twilight Zone.” Make the party a little daring so that your teen can win popularity by inviting fellows over. Also celebrate with gift giving for pushing back ignorance. Make a sport of learning facts such as a “Trivial Pursuit” marathon.

Halloween, Rosh Hashanah, Ramadan and All That Harvest

Halloween is a Celtic New Year celebration. The Celts began their day and their year with the setting sun. The Catholic Church, rather than ban this festival, tried to make it Holy with the celebration of the Day of the Dead or All Saint’s Day, but were never able to eradicate all the skeletons and spirits and goblins of the Celts. The Celts were ancestor worshipers with a thirteen-month lunar calendar which made one day left over. This extra day was the day when the spirits of the ancestors were lost in the crack between the years and could come back to life. The Catholics tried to make a ceremony of demons getting loose and being put back to bed on All Saint’s Day.

For most children, Halloween is costumes and candy. If you find this superstitious party offensive, turn it into a “Superstitions Burn” party. For young children, this means letting them dress up as goblin, fairies, or other superstitious characters and then make a ritual of burning the costume and exploring the myths behind the image. Be careful, though, some kids get very attached to that alternate identity. It might be enough to put the costume away and start talking about the next superstition to be explored for next year. You can also turn this into an exploration of “what if I was” and encourage your child through the year to explore different professions.

For older kids, try to do bonfires and fireworks and a demon-dance party. This will outweigh any school parties or other Halloween parties and get the Christians who find Halloween offensive. I think it is important to celebrate the badness of being human, in that humans are tricksters. Let your children let off a little steam in playing at “being bad.” Fire is great for this. So are costumes. So are practical jokes. Have a contest where the kids have to compete to try to trick or scare the others. This builds skepticism and a child’s suspicion about being led down the path of gullibility.

Teens enjoy being wild. Let them through a party with a fire and have them give competitions where each person must dress like a superstition and give the accurate history of the superstition. This can lead to an exploration of the dark sides of religions and a sneering at the way that people use to think. It is both an act and a release.

Halloween is usually so wild and anti-Christian that most people don’t fear the religious aspects of it. If your family is Jewish or Muslim, September or October are far more serious celebrations involving fasting and the harvest and could do with a little competition. Try letting the kids fast, but throw in an extra sense of it being historical and a way of acknowledging that once, most people were farmers.

Valentines, Mardi Gras, and Breaking the Back of Winter

It is important to have a festival when winter has kept everyone cooped up too long. St. Valentine’s Day has made it into the schools as a kind of romance day. Mardi Gras is still a Catholic festival, visible usually in New Orleans and in other countries where the Protestant/Puritan ethic is not as strong. To further compete with religions and to throw off the massive importance of Christmas, I suggest a “Festival of Fools” sometime in February when life is dragging through winter and everyone gets irritable and impatient for spring.

Start young children with a foolish day for telling the tallest tale. This gets the children interested in the veracity of stories and goes a long way to helping with gullibility and lying. Kids love to exaggerate. Start them exaggerating and it soon becomes evident when stories are stories and lying is lying. There is a rush to believe the stories of children these days which has led to the abuse of the story.

Most small children tell tales, and religionists claim some stories to be true and others to be lies. So getting children interested in the tall tale makes them a little more skeptical of the stories like “the world was created in seven days” or “he rose from the dead” – in a way that is not so much defaming the content as being sensitized to the structure of the tale.

Older children love riddles, jokes, magic, and competition. Throwing a “can you top this?” party with riddles and magic shows and performances of stunts and weird abilities such as eye rolling can go a long way to helping everyone with the winter blues. Remember, most of a party is in the repetition and the preparation. Having this party once is fun, but every year turns it into a celebration to mark time and help a child fill the gap that religion seeks to fill with annual celebrations.

Teens can go wild with staging comedies, acrobatic events, inside athletic competitions, or magic fests. Have them invite friends over for a charade party or to fight the winter blues with a long preparation every year of a play or slapstick comedy or a wresting event. Gymnastics events take place then, as well as other inside sports which can easily be turned into part of an annual celebration. Teens also love marathons. Having a joke or riddle competition marathon will occupy many a mind that will wander off into trouble during the long stretch between winter break and spring.

Easter, Purim, and Other Returns from the Dead

Spring Equinox is a time when some calendars begin and end, just as the end of December and the end of October. More northerly cultures celebrated the beginning of spring with Beltaine or May Day, but Spring is heralded in American culture with Easter. I advocate taking the “resurrection” message of Easter and the solemnity of Passover and making a celebration to mark resurrection, new beginnings, and thankfulness for health and growth.

For small children, the Easter Bunny can go hand in hand with the start of a garden and a celebration to mark getting bigger. Getting bigger is usually noted on birthdays, but a celebration in the spring is appropriate. A wall chart to show physical growth and a calendar to show accomplishments are good ways to help a child come to grips with being too little and too young. Even by the young age of five years, my son delighted in seeing old videos of himself and hearing stories about what he did when he was small. This is a good time to get out the photos and show a child how much time has passed.

For older children, encourage costumes of “being” or making paintings of how they see themselves. Perhaps they see themselves in a role, or maybe they are more esoteric and see themselves yellow or as rainbows or stories. For an older child, start a new diary each year, or a calendar to which they can contribute. Each spring get out the old diaries and let the child read though the past years. Watch videos.

Make a “time capsule” with a video and stuff that the child has outgrown during the year. Make a celebration of sealing and hiding the box with designs to open it in a year, two, or maybe even ten years. Encourage children to place in the capsule things that marked the year. They can cut out newspaper articles during the year and put them into a journal. “The year of the big fire.” “The year that Spot died.” Make an effort to create a personal history and a family history. One of the things most noted by Jews during the Passover celebration is the sense of history.

For teens, turn Easter into a means of transformation. Let them change their personas at this celebration, get a piercing, or a haircut, change their wardrobe, etc. Encourage them to box or set aside something of the old persona for the time capsule. Stress the importance of journal writing for teens. It can, literally, save their lives and save thousands of dollars in therapy. Teens sometimes want to do damage to their old life to try to make a separation between childhood and adulthood. Let them do this. Let them destroy all their old stuff except some token to mark the past. Some teens need serious initiation rituals and will be drawn to dangerous rites of passage. This is an opportunity to establish a transformation ceremony so that when your child is a teen, the ceremony will be in place and can be “ramped up” to meet the needs of the teen who wants to “kill” an old life and take on a new life.

Remember, initiation rituals cannot be performed by parents. Initiation has to be done by other adults and the role of the parents is to try to hold onto the child. If your teens need to “kill” their childhood, get your friends or uncles and aunts (usually of the same sex) to help with an initiation ritual in which the parent (usually of the same sex) protests the loss of the child and the child is “murdered” and taken away by the outside world. The others bring back the teen who is now an adult and is not referred to in any way that is connected with the child. A name change is appropriate, so are different rules, some kind of separation of lifestyles (separate meals). This ritual of initiation can do wonders to help a child transform into an adult and help the adult come to terms with the separation loss that is so common in American culture.

Other holidays are easily ignored or are largely political in nature and not religious. Rather than taking holidays and celebrations from your children, raise them in the light of holidays to celebrate the Enlightenment of Humanity.

colorgenics


You are setting yourself an illusory goal. Whatever it was that has made you so bitterly disappointed has left a nasty taste in your mouth and you feel that ‘enough is enough’. You are sick of it all. Wouldn’t it just be wonderful if you could retire to a desert island and turn your back on the past? But it’s an illusion and you know it.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right – well maybe you are – but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offense for the slightest reason.

Your ability to withstand the pressures of everyday life have been overtaxed and this is leading to stress and frustrations. It would seem that for the time being you have lost the resilience and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties. You feel that it is all ‘too much’ and, try as you may, you are getting nowhere. But to give you credit, you continue to stand your ground and pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity. Naturally this situation is subjecting you to intolerable stress and pressure from which you would dearly like to escape, but you can not bring yourself to make the necessary decision. As a result you remain firmly involved in the problem and you can neither view it objectively nor get rid of it – you cannot leave it alone and you feel that you will only be at peace when you have reached your objective.

There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life – those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of ‘a self fulfilling prophecy’. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you ‘think’, so you are… So ‘imagine’ yourself successful. ‘Pretend’, ‘act it out’ and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as ‘someone special’ is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognized as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfill this ‘complex’ by ensuring you are the center of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are – not for who you are pretending to be.

Well now.. isn’t that last one so true

hard, hard decision


Okay… I have the chance to get front row tickets to see the goo goo dolls… and I can bring one person with me here’s the problems… Katy left for Maryland at 3.am… and

Rob and I were friends then there was this really mean girl who I was okay with and then she went insane and wanted me to die…. and then all the got fixed… then I met Rob, who was like my only friend here.. Then he met Jen and they both lied to me and said they weren’t dating… and they really were… and Rob found out she was nuts and left her alone… then all of a sudden he went insane on me and started Dating Jen again and stopped talking to me and got really mean…finally Jen snapped on him and he came back to me after treating me like dirt.. Now… the big question is… Do I still invite him to the concert after all of this? Because I don’t know… I only have a few minutes