confessions of a broken soprano


…ugh, I’m watching Phantom of the Opera on DVD… and i kinda feel like i lost my musical touch.. Friday i came home and sung for hours on end until i lost my voice completely … and i don’t know … i guess I’m not as good as i once though i might have been… somehow i thought once i’d be able to perform in this show. now i know that’s not for me … but it doesn’t mean i cant dream, does it? 

…well, i should get ack to doing laundry… well… at least putting away the things i washed yesterday… this stuff doesn’t need to get even more wrinkled…

i love what im doing now … but i never thought I’d be a housewife… and a cake decorator … and just, the way things are.

chapter 46??????????


ive been reading "Echos of Honor" for 2 weeks now … i cant wait for this book to be done because its so good but i want to know what happens in the next one!! I’m such a wicked loser when it comes to stuff like this. but i love these books, i just wish i had more to read and more time to read…

so i had my meeting with Otto today about where to go on my thesis from here… i felt a little weird talking personal stuff with him, and i didnt like his comment about how Jason is too old to be my stepson… and he said he shouldn’t think about things like that but to me it was still more than a bit rude … so i have my goal for this project and that is to write 15 pages a month for each of my 4 chapters i just need to get the first book he wantsme to have … i dont have any money for it right now though.. sadly…but… my check did fix one of our overdrawn accounts!!! 🙂 I’m so happy about it … i just need to deposit $.86 to make it at 0!!! i am so excited!!! i need to try to find more than that though… i’d love to use my own money to make it positive again…im just so worried about the utilities and other bills that are just piling up lately… im actually getting really scared about them… i know Davis says nothing to be scared about but i do… its just how i am.

once i find that book i can order it and try to get it to me, i’d love if i could order it to keep and get to highlight all over it too… well, the important part is that i get working on it and i get it done… the thesis i mean so i can be one of the few people who have it done by the deadline in February… and have good regular school grades…

dentist yesterday was ok too, i hate when i just cant move and its hard for him to work on me … damn tourettes… but he understands and hes good with me and all my problems. i think my mom had a good birthday too i hate that shes been so sick for so long….

but other than that today has just been a very lazy lazy day here… Davis is sleeping again, i took a long nap too but my head is killing me … i should go back out to deposit money and check mail… it feels weird not getting to go out at all.. i made pasta for lunch and crecent rolls …

i dont know … im happy to know that hes sleeping… he said he should have gotten up hours ago..and i know this is just going to make tomorow even harder for him… but i worry and part of that worry is a lot of love… ok… maybe off to do some cleaning or something… id love to work on my puzzle but i have nothing to work on it on…

:end transmission:

Memorial day cookies…


Happy memorial day and all that rot…
As always i had to work at the butt crack of dawn today and that’s not a big deal because, for as much as i bitch about my job, it really isn’t that horrible … (in other words I’m trying to learn to bitch less about it because i know I’m out of control) …but moving right along… we had to do flag cookies … I am not a cookie decorator and usually on Monday I’m on cake decor because the cake gods are off… but today was a holiday so i was in C-A-C … i look over … and the two patasserie finishers are saying something about how to make these cookies look nice … Holly comes over and says to them … "why are you making french flags?’ ….  I was horrified at the sight… and i had to perform an intervention… by that time they already made two more that looked like some kind of other minor countries flag… 

so … God/dess bless America… even if native born citizens…permanent full time residents…….. don’t know what their flag looks like …….

I think we can tell who made the cookies that ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE AMERICAN FLAGS!!!!! …but does anyone know who’s flag those top cookies could be?
 

i worry about my guy


so… I’m sorry about my random massive freak outs. i know its been happening a whole lot lately that there’s been a whole ton of drama posted from my end without a good reason for it other than that i can, i also know that this does not make me the easiest person to live with either. 

He’s not asking me to do things that are so difficult, but I’ve always had trouble adapting to change…and now its not even change anymore… now its just clinging to something that was never there in the first place. Oh, and working on my attitude… that would help. I’ve gotten better about having nervious breakdowns about nothing… but i had another one last night because i didnt want to do something. i know im not that impossiable… i can be…. i know im difficult but i can fix it …

i think i heard it best on that ‘Cars’ movie …. because we are a town worth fixing.  ….yes yes.. not that revelant but it works for me..

time to get my tush on the road… have to be punched in and going in less than 32 minutes…. blah blah blah… I’d love to say that my new attitude starts today, but i’ve thought that before and tried to work on it …. or at least thought i tried… i need to really learn how to really try… that’s still a new one for me …

::end Transmission::