Monthly Archives: July 2007

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played maple for like …almost 4 hours… thatswhy the other post was really incomplete… but not really..

Ever talk to someone and just feel like they’re not who you want them to be, but not because its their fault? But because its just not meant to be that way?I know that feeling… I guess I’ve just been lonely tonight. It happens sometimes when I see people fight like they do here…

whhen i was out shopping today my mom was complaining about all sorts of things about my father and she even admitted to knowing she shouldn’t say those things around me about them, but because im an adult she feels like she can even if its not right. sometimes I just feel bad about hearing about all these things that i have to hear. I feel like sometimes when I’m here I want to be that little kid who never sees her parents fight and just gets to live in that perfect stupid world.

it sucks knowing it doesn’t exist, but everyone knows it sucks to grow up.

…this is a side note, and rather cruel too..but sometimes… I really… well… really feel like I hate him because for at least some part of his life he had a real family… then made one of his own even if it wasn’t perfect, and here I am ruining my one and only chance of ever having a real family. I don’t like to think about my family… but somehow I think about his a lot, at least the little bits that he told me for that short part of his life … I feel like a bad person to think things like that …because its not right to compare lives and short periods of time. I just sometimes look at whats here and just wish that i could have had a bit of that for the first time …. i just wonder what a normal life … whatever

its cruel of me to think like that… as i sit here and bit my nails and watch family guy and wonder why out of everything I hjave I’m not happy… I’m sick and tired of Sabiah who keeps NAGGING me about Taekwondo… which i want to go to…but at the same time I jsut want to SCREAM at him tostop ebing such a duck to me and a nag and get off my bakc he’ll see me there when i go and not when i don’t there is no reason for me to ahve to report tohim when hes not even my friend anymore… hes just a pian in my ass show off little kid sometimes ….

i put myself into this… i have no right to be sad…

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Obcession of the week


For the past few weeks i’ve been running around getting the Harry Potter trading cards from the dollar store and other places… and then today I decided I was going to put them away in the binder thats always held my card games and things and i don’t seem to have any of those sheets to hold the cards! I put away as much as I could but I’m totally short for the end of my Magic and a few other things… damn… went out today

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Triple ABC’s


Triple ABC’s ~~ Stolen from an Ancient entry from

[info]xamp

A – Available?: Sorry kids, taken.
A – Age: A true lady never tells her real age, but lies discreetly through her teeth at every oppertunity =P
A – Annoyance: …where do I stop?

B – Best Friends?: Davis & Emily,
B – Bar: Bridgeworks
B – Birthday: 3/23

C – Crush: Davis
C – Car: Darla, a very smexi, virginally white 99 Honda Accord
C – Cat: Don’t have a cat… I had a Catfish named “Dude” tho…

D – Dead Pets Name: Twitchie
D – Dad’s Name: Duward Bellmont (We call him Michael)
D – Dog: Spunky Woofington

E – Easiest person to talk to: Davis
E – Eggs: Leaking on a hard roll with turkey bacon
E – Email: Raziel_Infusco@hotmail.com

F – Favourite Colors: Midnight blue, White and Purple
F – Food: Fish and Chips …even if its been a long time since I’ve had it
F – Foreign Slang: I cant type in Arabic or Hebrew

G – Gummy Bears or Worms: Bears
G – God: Goddess
G – Good Time: Anytime

H – Hair Color: Brownish
H – Height: 5’2″
H – Happy: Reasionably

I – Ice Cream: Cookie Dough or moosetrax
I – Instrument: Clarinet, Oboe, Flute, Trombone, Piano, Guitar, Mandolin, Bells/Xylo, snare, cymbal
I – Idol: I’ve not found anyone good enough yet

J – Jewelry: wedding ring, signet ring, MedicAlert Bracelet, Cosmic Egg on my neck, and Pentacle earrings.
J – Job: Cake Artist
J – Joke: YO MOMMA’S SOOOOOOOOOOO….

L – Longest Car Ride: Penna to Maine and back
L – Laughing: sometimes
L – Last person you spoke to on the phone: Davis

M – Milk Flavor: I don’t drink milk
M – Mother’s Name: Janet
M – Movie Last Watched: Hairspray with Mammy and Nancy

N – Number of Siblings: 4
N – Northern or Southern: Northern
N – Name: Juliet Chantel

O – ONE WISH: Have non-twitchie, happy kids
O – One Phobia: eh….
O – Ogle: is it still considered and ogle if I married him and just like looking?

P – Parents: Obnoxious
P – Part of your appearance that you like best: Eyes
P – Part of your Personality you like best: you tell me…

Q – Quote: … it was meant to be totally innocent! *lol* when the Emits get out of hand…
Julaya: You’re the nuts in my peanut butter!
Joshua: you’re the peanut butter on my nuts…. oh lord…”
Q – Question you want to ask but haven’t: Why do hot dogs come in packs of 8 and buns in packs of 6?
Q – Quick or Slow: Depends on my mood …rawr

R – Reason to smile: I married the most wonderful man who is patient, loving and kind in more ways than I can even begin to explain.. and our future looks beautiful together!
R – Reality TV Show: Deadliest Catch or Food Network Challenge: Cake Decorators
R – Right or Left: Ambi

S – Season: Fall/Springish
S – Sex/gender: Female
S – Store: Wegmans

T – Time you woke up: 7am
T – Time Now: 11:02am
T – Time for bed: When I cant be awake anymore

U – Unknown Fact about me: can’t know everything now can you
U – Unicorns: Must stay in the yard…not in the house
U – Under your bed: lol… its like a carnival down there

V – Vegetable you hate: I don’t hate anything…
V – Vegetable you love: mmm….Bok Choy
V – View on Politics: Left of center

W- Worst Habits: not taking my medication
W- What do you want to be when you grow up? a decent human being… and maybe a cake artist
W- where are you traveling next? Maine

X – X-Rays: Back, shoulder, Back, head, shoulder, knee, ankle, wrist, hand, shoulder… *no joke*
X – X-Rated Porn: um.. Debbie Does Dallis…but its the only one i’ve ever seen…
X – XZIBIT: lol

Y – Year you were born: “Under the western stars” <- name that song
Y – Year it is now: 007
Y – Yellow: I’m yellow color blind

Z – Zoo Animal: Piglets
Z – Zodiac: Aries/Pisces … I was born on the cusp
Z – ZZZZZ: Thursday… when we’re both off work and very, very tired

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someting not so serious


well, i thought i was going to write at first when i thought of this post, THEN it turned into something else and now its just being happy that I did find the link to the REALLY expensive ID bracelet that I liked… I know Davis said he kept the link even though I l ost it because of the new computer thing. yes, I still like it… blue sodalite beads and silver? It’s so pretty… I forgot about it before I stopped wearing the one because i lost it and it never came back..

Sometimes I think I’m weird for being so excited about things like this… but i think that its just part of adapting to the situation… finding little pieces of happy inside the seas and oceans of nothingness. I stopped finally saying that theres nothing wrong with me *lol* I know there is something wrong and its something the kids have a darn good chance of ending up with…

My mother and I were talking about grand children yesterday and she keeps talking more and more about genetic counseling…Davis and I have spent time talking about it too and I just don’t know if thats something I went to do… it seems really like a good idea but its not going to stop us.I think too much about it a lot of the time… and if the littles do end up with it then we know what to look out for and we deal with it.

it won’t be as hard for them… I just have to keep thinking that, it cant possiably be as hard for them because we know what to look for… its just so hard and so scary sometimes to think about that they’re going to have this… that they might have this and there’s nothing I can do about it except hope that its not a dominant gene and that his DNA is stronger than mine *lol*

The clucky from the past week still hasn’t really worn off, I still want to work on the little project and I think since hes off on Thursday and so am I and i’ll have my day of freedom that it would be a really, really good day to work on things like that. I should really check to see if the bookstore is open to get the names and things for what I’ll need for classes this fall… I know they’re going to be fun and everything but part of me just isn’t really looking forward to how much work I’m going to have… but i am going to get another A with dr.Kelly… I got one… and that bitch stole deans list from me because of an e-mail yes… still hate her a little because of it…

off to the chiro this morning to make up for friday which im still a little upset about it. I think i should have been told that someone else was covering for him AND not have been forgotten about

so back later… maybe … I posted so much more when i was a kid and now im grown and i see how much my posts have changed over the past 7 years… amazing isn’t it?

lot to do today

Love ya Xampie ❤

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sometimes i think … wowo i have a lot of posts that start with that title…


well I’m tired … still at my mothers … i think we all knew that by now… but there was a nasty storm last night and spunky decidedthat he needed both of us up to try to help him and make him better…funny thing is that hes so out of his mind he doesn’t know what to do with himself. so i did go to bed earlier but when he went insaide I got about an hours sleep then was downstairs watching conan and the view with my mom on that ugly couch.

this is so cruel…but i wish Davis wasn’t working o that he was up too and we could have talked more… im worried about him….he said he felt sick last night and didn’t know how he’d be once he went to lay down… im worried about him… I usually have good luck with dreams when i have questions and i kept trying to see if I could get an idea about whats bothering him. but no luck I just hadsome weird dreams I no longer remember but I just wanted to know a little about how hes doing… I don’t like knowing that he feels sick or upset even if a lot of what the problems are because of things i need to do, i still need to talk to my mother… even if I really know that I have to get home to be with him.

Life is better when I’m home with him…even I know that… Life is better with my guy…

I feel kinda sick today too, I think its all in my head but i might be catching something… I need to take my pills again, i only took one yesterday and i just was too tired to get the rest of them down.

but my icon has ADD

Nancy, my mother and I are going to see hairspray today … but i think we’re going to the 1:40 show… so i won’t be homewhen he gets home.. .that makes me so sad….I think i’m going to call him in a little bit to check on him…

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damn dollar store peopl


i totally live at the dollar store… its my life really… but my mom was at fantastic sams and i went over to the dollarstore to get something and as I walked in I didn’t have my giant bag with me and this old woman walks up to me and asks me

“do you work here”

I just looked at here like she was nuts and then said 

“um…. no… but I think my look gave that away”

She only asked me because I didn’t have a purse with me… I just decided to go back to the hair place and talk Harry Potter with the rest of the people in the waiting room and not really bother with sewing anymore for that couple of minutes…

Sometimes I think people are stupider than I think they are… off to shoprite because there is no food in the house

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Clucky overload


Wow… I don’t know what’s up with me lately but all I have onthe brain is babies and its kinda weird… I’ve always kinda thought like that and really wanted one but ow its like its become a mission to really, really get down to business about this little things. I dream about it too and i know there’s nothing wrong with that but at the same time I just wonder sometimes.

Still working on that crossstitch for Riss, its getting there i did a lot of work on it yesterday but im slow and its not just making mistakes but no one can see them anyway its just a lot of back and forth color changing very complication. I know i said i’d post a picture of the one I did for Mary but i forgot to do that too… bleck I’ll try to get some someday and see what happens

wedding poictures are still comming, i have to photobucket them and then they’ll be up behind a cut, lookout if you want to see them.
not too much else to talk about. Did the chucks yesterday and that was ok ihae a lot of practice to do and i’d like to still try to get my next belt somehow because i leave bethlehem forever…. that might just be a pipe dream.

should go take a shower and get dressed, i have a chiro appointment then i don’t plan on going anymore for the rest of the year. I should do a really, really big post on my brain and the babies… because its weird and it might help me not to be so would up about it.

last thing to remind myself about… gotta update the pod and charge my book …. before i forget and go insane…

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the visit to Penn State


So I went up today to visit my twin because he lives off campus and he needed to hhave his actual mother go talk to h s advisor and see what the hell is up with him and graduating and all of that crap… We left at like…5:30 in the morning and it doesn’t help that going to bed at like… Midnight leaves a girl very tired for the long, long drive out there… So its been a long day

but it took us 4 hours to get their and the roads weren’t too good. It was so foggy when we were going over the mountain on rt.80 and my mother is jumping out of her skin gasping and screaming because of you go off the side of the road its a lot of big ditches and things…but it took us 4 hours and then when we got there we went out to get waffles with Garrett at this great little waffle place down the road. It reminded me a lot of PJ’s in Princeton but SO MUCH NICER but both were cheap. i loved it i got a waffle and had tea … that was good.

he had 3 classes today and his mother let him cut 2 of them the match and the english class and then she took him with her to the meeting about his schooling. it took almost 2 hours for them in the office! Mammy and I sat outside and talked and looked at things and read handouts she got at the floor his major is on and it was like….how does he not know these things! Idiot…

but when they got out there was no talk for it… it was just quiet until we got to the car on the way home.. So I say to my twin “Where’s the theology Department” and he has no idea… he had no idea where to look for it.. who to ask… anything… and his mother couldn’t believe that I was so out there to just go and ask some random student and some of the staff what building it was in and where to find it.

so we found someone and went to look nd everyone was so rude! I couldn’t believe it no one wanted to talk in the department office and thats their job to talk to people about things I felt like I was screwed i got this FROSTY answer about get something online

bitches

we wandered around the town for a bit and we went to the big weggies over there and it was kinda fun but i was angry that i didn’t get to spend more time at the weggies and i thought hat i should get to because we were dragged with her then had to wait forever and he got to cut class then had to rush back for GOLF. GOLD DAMMIT I MEAN GOD DAMNIT  why cut statistics but go to GOLD! He failed all those math classes and now this!?

but the college park grilled stickies are good. but we came home after that and she told us all about the talk and she really wasted te womans time talking about stuff thats not important… like him going to texas and other stupid shit like that. Not about grades and class. From what Igot out of it it was a total waste of all of our time.

and ten she wants to know what I thought of Penn State… i let her know all a bunch of nice surface talk but i really hated it it was cold and icky and very impersonal but the HUB was very cool with the big tank and the bookstore was great and i made a new friend while I was there because of my Ben folds T shirt.

he lives in squallor in that house but the cat had adorable baby kittens so it was cute to play with them but his bed is broken too …

and the ride home took 4 hours…

i’m going to bed now… Night.

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Babies on the brain…


I cant believe myself…but we talked last night for a while about babies and things like that and how there’s nothing wrong with being clucky…I’m really happy that he doesn’t mind the whole clucky thing… but it makes me wish we could just have our baby already and get on with it… I was dreaming of us and babies last night.

I was dreaming about taking the littles for their first day of school… and taking her to her first doctors appointment and all sorts of things like that… I dreamed about being pregnant with our second and the first girl is still little but old enough to be excited about it…It was a bunch of nice little dreams that went together to show to me… what looks like a life…. a nice little life… a happy little life. It makes me happy to think about it, sometimes i get very sad when i think about the way life is going so far.

I think about he way life has been for me… for as long as I can remember as being stuck in this neutral…but for the longest time I never really thought much about it, because what was I suppose to do? Rail against the only things I ever knew instead of trying to be content and complacent about how life is… and thats how i see that it would always be stuck…

then I met Davis and wanted everything to change immedately….but that was too dramatic so i stalled it and now its intense again in a different way… but I feel like I’m ready to elt go and start our lives….but there is a part of my mind that feels too young to want these dreams even though im not

…gotta go… chucks in a few hours and i need to practice