Posting –because i have almost 2 hours before class

First things first — beckon I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you! *hug* and if I knew words that sounded better or meant more than those I’d use them instead. But thats the best I can do!


I just feel like posting about something and nothing at the same time…

Classes are officially over today and I’m happy. I can’t believe I’ve gotten a whole year of college done when last semester felt like it lasted forever!!! I really like it here and I think i’ll be sad when I have to go over to Jefferson…. well, i have another year or so left before i have to make some real desisions about that.

I have finals next week and I’m kinda worried about them, I mean… I don’t think I’m doing badly in any of my classes but I know in christianity I’ve been doing badly on te quizzes and on the final paper I got a C. I’m trying in that class and I know I could try harder. Chapmann knows I’m having a hard time trying to adjust to life at a new college. I hope he cuts me some slack here, I try to do my best when I’m in his class. I just hope he can see that and let me out of there with a B. I know my GPA was high when I came in here…. but I don’t want to loose it. THat would suck so bad!!!!!!! I’d like to get into a good PT school!

well, thats something i can worry about later really. I get to submit a job application today probably… I’m trying to get a job at the park services for the summer as a counselor at some camp. I mean, if I can do the girl scouts (As long as I don’t have my period) I’m ok. and I know periods are a dumb excuse for anything but it happens sometimes, its part of being a woman! I’m usually better than I was last week, sorry for whatever rude junk i said!

I get to go to girl scout council today and go buy some things for my troop. I really wanna take some things away from the leaders who never come but I can’t do that. I know everyone has work they need to do but for gods sake! I really want people who are dedicated and people woh aren’t just going to flake out on me! I have 22 girls and I need one adult for ever 5 kids. yes, I can do it with 4 leaders and I think 4 is a good number but it always goes back to the principle of the thing.

But I’m going to the scout store today to see if I can get everyone a little something. for everone. I just said that but I’m going to say it again. I have a lot of money to spend on them after all of the crap from this year I’m not sure how this all worked out but it did. And i might have to kill Joycee for doing tihs to me. I think its funny though how this happened to her with Gamma Sig now. Maybe she gets how cheesed off I am now about it. I will be so happy next year when its mine from the beginning and i can do everything my way.

Even though I might have 2 troops and double the work… and my schedule is no pleasure next year. Chem, math, anatomy and some kind of civ. It might be the year from hell… because I’ll have chem and math the whole time…. maybe I can get away with one sememster of spanish next year instead of a year….. or taking it over the summer at home….. hmmm…well …

speaking of desisions earlier……….. I think i need a new layout, this ones cool but I’m really tired of me always trying to screw it up by making it look better. Are there any nerds out there that wanna help me? *lol* This whole layout thing… its just like WOAH OVER MY HEAD

I love when you put on a song you like then get so into what you’re doing you don’t even hear it and then when the track changes you like “Whattheheck?” That just happened to me with some stuff by everclear. I love those guys. Thats totally random right there…. hah.

still got an hour before class but I’m gonna go do something for myself right now. Sounds right good to me!!!!

::End Transmission::


Dear Viccito,
i meant to post this last night or yesterday or something …. i just wanted to let you know that I love you and thank you for 5 amazing years. I love you just as much now as I did when i first met you and realized that I had to be with you.

You know how we met, you were there like I was m’love and you know.

From the moment I met you and from that first day I knew I wanted you i’ve thought about you. I love you, thats all there is to it. Thanks for going through the ups and downs with me. yeah, i think Train had a great song about this

In every frame upon our wall
Lies a face that’s seen it all
Through ups and downs and then more downs
We helped each other off of the ground
No one knows what we’ve been through
Making it ain’t making it without you

I love you Victor. Thanks for all of the love and hate and everything inbetween

4/27/00 – __/__/20__

I really feel like i need to cry, and i get so close to just breaking down and then i just can’t…. like something is holding me back from just crying and making myself feel better.

im gonna go back to doing what i was doing…. damn girl scouts

A night at the movies

Well, today was normal. same classes, same shit different day. Not good and not bad. it was the moco film festival tonight and i went to go see with Diana. I am so thankful she came with me tonight. Devon just isn’t worth it. I know, i know i was obcessing for a while about him but now its just… nothing, i don’t know.

hes cocky and seems vacent in his head. What was i thinking, How could I. I just feel so trapped and empty sometimes inside, like i wanted to be cared for but its almost impossiable. I told Vic about it and he was disapointed in me and i can’t blame him. Sometimes i just want that hug and that kind of love. What am i smoking? Really? When did i get myself lik e this?

I actually made myself look presentable to go see student made movies. i put makeup on and tried to make myself look like a lady. I never saw a movie. Diana and i left and got home by 8:04. the rest of the night was spent here.I feel like such a moron. It’s so pathetic. I just feel like i got this stupid crush and thats exactally what it was, a stupid crush. stupid, stupid ,stupid. i think he’s mad at me. I know he’s some sort of something with me but i had to tell him. does anyone understand that?

I guess the title for me could be hopeless romantic, or maybe just hopeless. I always hope that the guy is going to notice im going and is going to wonder where i went and come looking for me. Maybe come up from behind my name and call out to me and seem like he cares. you know? and want to spend time with me and be with me? Nothing sexual. just, cute and lovey.

i got my coffee and cigerettes DVD back though, that made me happy. i missed having it in my posesion. Im tired now, i wasn’t before but i am now.


i have my practical exam in lab tomorrow and i have work to do with blotchei on his poster and i have islam with Devin too… then thats all i think. last week of classes for me!!!!! wahooo

busy busy busy day! I went to the dentist and saw barb and i lover her so much. my teeth are really nice she tells me. it makes me happy that she thinks that because that means i do a good job. I try really hard to. I drove an hour both ways to go have her clean my teeth 🙂 thats how much i love her. i changed my whole day!

i was kinda annoied when my mom told me on tuesday during islam, but im happy now. i really don’t like the dentist though, getting knocked on my ASS at tkd is ok, but having my teeth done!!! EUGH…. at least im better than i useto be

um… lots of scout work today, i had to leave an hour earlier to get to scouts today and still didn’t even get to see the kids until 3 because of all of the stuff i put togeter so the parents would have it. Capture the chicken was a disaster. it should have been capture the chicken dodgeball. that would have been better to watch.

had to go to wilson to get some stuff just because we could go and do it with the budget. so what if i have no room in my closet again? the semester ends soon! i’ll be done with classes on the 30th and going home on the 7th! woohoo… then a JOB AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had the dress rehersal with ruthy and joe tonight. Rena, Renee and i are the accompanists for the copland arrangement piece. it’s starting to sounds good. i really like it. im so happy i get to play with them in this concert thing. it makes me so happy. even though JOE IS A LOSER. hes not really, i do think he’s kinda ok. i guess i like him a little. A LITTLE …. ruthy is better!

what else… spent time with joycee in the library, did some more work but not on my papers and had dinner at like …10pm… amberly is all crying again because she was late for her project she planned and when joycee and i called her i yelled “WAY TO BE RESPONCIBLE” on the phone to be dumb and she started sobbing. joycee was talking to her. There’s more joycee stuff too but its way too private.

so thats about all, some stuff with renee for project planning, but i think for now im done. there’s the real post ive been planning on doing. Lots of updates here! hott no?

oh, and i went to the room lottery last night and missed 1/2 of revelations. almost roomd with amy but im not. im in another triple and hoping one of the girls won’t come. still in the same dorm but the floor below me. the one with the deck 😀 YAY. i think am is on my floor next year…. blah. but its all ok. amy is nice and all but we just won’t work. i’d go INSANE living with her!!!!! but im happy with the new room thing. even though the lotto part sucked b/c im not rooming with diana again and i love her and i have less points than everyone cause i transferred. i have 3 to the other southy 4. but the NC people only have 2 points so i cant complain too much

i think i’ll try to end this post now and go watch gargoyles and go to sleep.


p.s – Devin and i are nothing, he’s kinda nuts i think …. judging by his account… so im back to loving victor again like always. not like he knows or cares anymore. For us it’ll be 5 years on the 27th. I already sent his card to get deleverd on that day. I wonder if he’ll remember too……..