the MEG

One of the tests I had is in the MEG, so, you get it … it measures brainwaves while you do specific tasks. So they hooked my arm up to electrodes that work like a TENZ unit … it sends small bursts of electricity into the radial nerve (main nerve in your arm going to your thumb and first 2 fingers) … and i had another on the top of my hand at the ulner nerve and another on my index finger, two small wires. The problem was my nervous system is really fucked up from the chromosome thing…. so she thought the machine was acting up and actually it was my nerves.. so she turned on the system on the -lowest- setting and it was making my hand move on its own because the pulse was too strong for me. she asked me to stop moving my hand and I Said I couldn't because it was moving on its own
    when we took that off i had burns and shock marks all the places where the stuff had been… and I cant feel my left arm up to my elbow …

    OH, and they wiped me down with Aloe wipes so I got allergy burns too
    and a shot of benedryl

I call bullshit!

ugh I just got off the phone with Frank. He's yelling at me because this cake isn't done that's for 6pm and I didn't even know it was there. Dorothy was baseicing for me today and I thought she had them all done. I thought I checked the rack for all the cakes … This stuff just gets so hard sometimes when we have no help… I'm so tired nad stressed from not having any help. I'm tired of not having breaks or lunches or anything else. Maybe when I'm a manager things will be a little better. … or if I'm aa manager someday.

So frank called to yell at me, but I don't have the car to get back. if I walk it'll take me almsot an hour to get there… but I dont know when the bus comes … i know when it comes to take me home but I dont know how it runs to get there. I can check of course but I dont know if that'll help…. I had to walk home today in the rain anyway because I worked late and missed the bus… and it rained.

it was cold too! The girls checked for me but it was still a cold hard rain. Blah. Well, i talked to my mom about her fighting with my father and how pissed off I am at Davis about something pointless… but right now I just feel like crap because of the stuff with Frank.

well time to go switch cars so I can go do the wash and get stuff ready for the trip tomorrow.

I got accepted into that trial down at NIH … I had to stop my medicine on the 7th and today is the last day we have to watch out for NMS… I'm kinda happpy I made it through ok. I was a bit worried, but not as worried as I am about being without this great medicine for a month while we wait to go. I cant wait to get back on it already. I dont feel good.

sometimes I dont know if I'm doing the right things or going in the right directions.

But…. bunny will offically be getting a car in the next few weeks … It's still looking like i'm going to get promoted … and unless things change then we're going to NIH to get these tests done and can go play in the DC area. That's on 27 minutes away from the test site. God… it's so exciting. I want to go so bad!

um… other than that I've been doing a ton of reading about Dopamine and my brain and Chromosome 11…. its amazing and scares the hell out of me. There has to be an answer and a fix somewhere…

so…I need someone elses thoughts on this whole thing because its so weird I cant even figure it out. It's part of the reason all the readings are taking so long too.

7 months ago when i got this new job they wanted me to jump right into the management program but I felt I wasn't ready… like I needed some time to get useto the new company and their way of doing things. So two weeks ago I called the woman back who made me that offer and let her know I was ready … she advised me who to talk to and I did…

so, last week comes and first the Human Resources woman comes up to me to congratulate me about the good news that I'm getting promoted … then one of the store managers does … then I hear from my bakery manager that he heard and they're posting for my job…

…so, they didn't even officially interview me yet… and everyone I ask tells me that I still have to go through the process but all of the managers are acting like it's a done deal. So… I dont know if I should start being happy about this or not. If i get it that means I'm going to be a Bakery manager with my own store and my own bakery … not just a wedding cake decorator anymore… I think it's pretty cool … but i dont know what to make of it yet…

I wish they'd 'officially' tell me instead of just dancing around it … they said they're even posting for my job!

oh and did I mention that Brill and Acosta both were trying to scout me and weis threatined Brill to drop their contract if they keep persuing me.

its so overwhelming.