I’m sleepy… and my toung hurts still.. damn cookie… Had to burn m’self didn’t I?

… don’t ask okay?

I had a really good day today… and now I’m wrapped up in a blanket and thinking back on the year… so I’ll do my normal ranting to make myself happy!

This morning was cool, I got up early and I saw no one was home so I got to do my AM Yoga workout before anyone got in. It felt so good to center myself and just stretch and do whever I needed to do to get myself awake, I love when i can do something for myself thats peaceful… got done, started but never got to do another Video…um… went upstairs and talked to Vic and john… no comment on that…

I went to Colins house today too and played with the triplets, they’re so much fun, we had pizza and played for hours and I learned how to use a flight sym and it was great, I got to fly and crash a biplane and a bunch of other things and playfight with toy guns and a yardstick *lol* Thatwas when the triplets left though

I went home at 4ish … and talked to Heather about things and about Boys… we talked about Dave… and she wants to know why we’re not going out and we talekd about it and she asked him… and I know it’s better we’re jut friends but he said it was because we both dont want to… how does he know… I just would love to know … out of everyone in NHHS, honestly who would he go out with, out of the whole school … I know not me, but still!

got lonely thinknig aobut it, knowing I’m not going to have a date to the prom…made me feel crappy thinking about all of this, I’m one of those people …anyway

went to dinner with garrett and his family and that was fun, they got me a japanese cooking book, I loved that and dinner was totally awesome … So now I’m exhausted… I have been anyway!

but I’ve just been thinking about this whole year and all that random shit… and how it all needs to be better and all of that stuff and I still want to know what people are thinking… and since I’m tired as hell.. I’m gonna go do randomshit

the past few days.. .


God. its tuesday already? How’d this happen? Whats gone on since sunday hmmm…..

I went to flemington with colin… I don’t know he can be such an as, why do I waste my time on him? we left at noon, and he’s talking about christmas in the car with me and he’s saying about all the expensive stuff he’s gotten and I’m feel like crap because my family is kinda broke as always and we don’t have that kind of money to spend on all the stuff… I mena, I get the stuff I want, but I can’t get those things, its like he doesn’t have to look for clearance… or Things on sale… He wanted to go to the army navy store and I should have said no… but we go and he sepnds like… an hour in there looking at pans, like I don’t even exist and I know it was where he wanted to go but for gods sake when you’re with someone else I think the common courtasy is to only take a little time? he gets a bunch of pins and stuff and we’re talking about people and things and stuff going on … and he wants to go get lunch and ther’s this great little place my mom went to in the Turntable junction, it’s this little sandwitch place so we go there and he did something that just made me cringe … he started talking about all the money his grandmother has, and how he gets to go to these “5 star” restarunts… he gets all this money for christmas… and god I felt out of place… he’s spending about $70-80 on toys everytime we go out…. when he askes me to go with him, But he wouldn’t get my homecomming ticket after he asked me… I don’t understand… my dad gave me $40 and told me I want change back. I spent $25 including lunch and I felt bad that I spent that on a stationary set, hair coloring, a comic book and a mini battery opperated aquarium for my dorm…I didn’t need any of that stuff… but I wanted to have the two things for my dorm so I’ll feel a little more at home, I won’t get to bring my fish…

But why does someone with so much money to burn not act like a gentleman… god… if I had money like that I’d treat the person I asked to come with me to a soda or something…The lady at the restarunt gave us a chocolate chocolate cookie to split, she was so nice. and he had his wallet out and I did too so I gave them a tip for it because thats there prophets, I mean, cookie or not it was so nice and I’m the only one that left the tip for them… am I just being a total bitch? tell me if I am?

that restarunt was great, we sat in there talking for over an hour… they have great ceaser salads there. I just don’t understand why he wants to talk about money but be so cheap with everyone else…he was talking about wanting me to go to his prom with him… but I mean, where’s the fun in going as a date if I have to pay for my half of the pictures and my ticket?

This is something else since I’m on the topic of colin! He doesn’t listen to me! So… he got me those lovely gold hoop earrings… and I told him that I loved them… but I’m not getting pierced ears or ever going to, so I gave them back to him and said I liked them… so he got me something else SILVER PIERCED EARRINGS! HELLO!!!!!!! DO YOU LISTEN TO ME?! What the hell!?

am I being a bitch here about this?! But what the hell is going on! I feel so bad about this but he never listens to anything I have to say! it’s always about HIM…jesus… I’m so tired of it… so we GO BACK to the army store after lunch and I make a stop at the southwest store… just to break away from things… and right when he’s done… and I wanted to go back to Liberty Village… he calls his mom wanting to go home, well, thats all good if you’re by yourself and you’ve spent 70 out of the 300 you have… but I wanted to return the haircoloring I got and get my $3 because I remembered I had some at home… and I wanted to take my 3 and get hair clips… but no, we had to stand there and wait for his mom… well, there’s another 35 minutes … I could have gone to claires and back… but it’s better I didn’t… I didn’t need to waste my dads money…

His dad comes instead of his mom and we’re talking on the ride home about things and he wanted to know if he could come visit me at college, sadly… here’s the thing… I want to go far away to be left alone by EVERYONE that I’m sick and tired of…and guess what. HE’S ONE OF THEM!!!

Get home… and I told my mom this… I was home by 3:50… and she didn’t understand why we came back so soon, she didn’t understand what he’d be doing the rest of the afternoon and I told her he had to get 3 military toy sets and a dicast plane and 12 pins… I didn’t understand it… so my mom and I talked for a while… dyed my hair blue…

I talked to anthony and he offered to take me to Fabs holiday party, I was so happy about it, he’s so sweet… we went and stayed until 10…my favorite part was being in the car talking to him, I like spending time with him, I got him a sushi kit for christmas and he got me the pirates DVD, I’ve never seenthat movie, but I’m going to…. and tomorrow I get ot watch sonic X, I recorded it on saturday! hehe

but the party wasn’t that great… we watched family guy for a while and ate pizza and laughed like hell, that was cool too. and we went into the other room and I’m a dork and started making torches out of marshmellows and stuff when we were making smores … and Rob and I were throwing Marchmellows at eachother… but when a couple of people took shots I went into the other room to get some soda and was talking to Liz who was inthere and a bunch of other people came in we kinda had our own little thing in there. That was fun too, just talking about school and phones and things… but I was tired and crabby from the day with colin and I wasn’t in the mood to go anymore, but I was going to even if anthony didn’t offer me the ride. Dun feel like going into that…

we left at 10 and that ride was fun too, he took the long way, nothing much to really say there… but we missed ALL of the lights in clinton, thats UNHEARD of!!!

went home… and just wanted to sleep… so I took a shower, called Vic and passed out late… thats about it…

I don’t really remember monday… why… I dunno… I did something… when I remember…. well… it’ll all go up …

Today was great, I had a fencing meet early and we won, 15-12 but the idiots didn’t tell me what time the buss was leaving so I had to drove to VHS on my own and got ther eat 9 when they left at 8:45!!! the meet starteed at 10 and we were done by 12:30 and I was happy to be home at 1:15 to have lunch and go out to flemington and get my picks and my strings and some ben and jerry’s!!! woo. there wasn’t much else that was going on… tomorrow Colin asked me to go over to his house, I want to see the triplets again, I love those little guys, they’re all so cool.

I need to get up to do yoga tomorrow too, I’ve been meaning to do AM yoga for the past week, I’m hoping to get into the habit of doing it every morning before school starts in an attacpt to get myself back into the body type for martial arts, I feel so fat and stupid! I hate my body and I wish it could be better…. so all I can do is work to make it better and hate everything thats not the perfect 110.

and I get to take my Driving test on Jan 5th and have an away fencing meet at 2:30 too… and on the 7th I get to go have my teeth fixed… woo… and tomorrow night I get to go out to dinner with Garrett and his family and my family and have Christmas/new year … so… until tomorrow I’m going to go do what I want to do… like another Jigsaw puzzle or play piano or guitar or just music or something…

:: End Transmission::

the past few days.. .


God. its tuesday already? How’d this happen? Whats gone on since sunday hmmm…..

I went to flemington with colin… I don’t know he can be such an as, why do I waste my time on him? we left at noon, and he’s talking about christmas in the car with me and he’s saying about all the expensive stuff he’s gotten and I’m feel like crap because my family is kinda broke as always and we don’t have that kind of money to spend on all the stuff… I mena, I get the stuff I want, but I can’t get those things, its like he doesn’t have to look for clearance… or Things on sale… He wanted to go to the army navy store and I should have said no… but we go and he sepnds like… an hour in there looking at pans, like I don’t even exist and I know it was where he wanted to go but for gods sake when you’re with someone else I think the common courtasy is to only take a little time? he gets a bunch of pins and stuff and we’re talking about people and things and stuff going on … and he wants to go get lunch and ther’s this great little place my mom went to in the Turntable junction, it’s this little sandwitch place so we go there and he did something that just made me cringe … he started talking about all the money his grandmother has, and how he gets to go to these “5 star” restarunts… he gets all this money for christmas… and god I felt out of place… he’s spending about $70-80 on toys everytime we go out…. when he askes me to go with him, But he wouldn’t get my homecomming ticket after he asked me… I don’t understand… my dad gave me $40 and told me I want change back. I spent $25 including lunch and I felt bad that I spent that on a stationary set, hair coloring, a comic book and a mini battery opperated aquarium for my dorm…I didn’t need any of that stuff… but I wanted to have the two things for my dorm so I’ll feel a little more at home, I won’t get to bring my fish…

But why does someone with so much money to burn not act like a gentleman… god… if I had money like that I’d treat the person I asked to come with me to a soda or something…The lady at the restarunt gave us a chocolate chocolate cookie to split, she was so nice. and he had his wallet out and I did too so I gave them a tip for it because thats there prophets, I mean, cookie or not it was so nice and I’m the only one that left the tip for them… am I just being a total bitch? tell me if I am?

that restarunt was great, we sat in there talking for over an hour… they have great ceaser salads there. I just don’t understand why he wants to talk about money but be so cheap with everyone else…he was talking about wanting me to go to his prom with him… but I mean, where’s the fun in going as a date if I have to pay for my half of the pictures and my ticket?

This is something else since I’m on the topic of colin! He doesn’t listen to me! So… he got me those lovely gold hoop earrings… and I told him that I loved them… but I’m not getting pierced ears or ever going to, so I gave them back to him and said I liked them… so he got me something else SILVER PIERCED EARRINGS! HELLO!!!!!!! DO YOU LISTEN TO ME?! What the hell!?

am I being a bitch here about this?! But what the hell is going on! I feel so bad about this but he never listens to anything I have to say! it’s always about HIM…jesus… I’m so tired of it… so we GO BACK to the army store after lunch and I make a stop at the southwest store… just to break away from things… and right when he’s done… and I wanted to go back to Liberty Village… he calls his mom wanting to go home, well, thats all good if you’re by yourself and you’ve spent 70 out of the 300 you have… but I wanted to return the haircoloring I got and get my $3 because I remembered I had some at home… and I wanted to take my 3 and get hair clips… but no, we had to stand there and wait for his mom… well, there’s another 35 minutes … I could have gone to claires and back… but it’s better I didn’t… I didn’t need to waste my dads money…

His dad comes instead of his mom and we’re talking on the ride home about things and he wanted to know if he could come visit me at college, sadly… here’s the thing… I want to go far away to be left alone by EVERYONE that I’m sick and tired of…and guess what. HE’S ONE OF THEM!!!

Get home… and I told my mom this… I was home by 3:50… and she didn’t understand why we came back so soon, she didn’t understand what he’d be doing the rest of the afternoon and I told her he had to get 3 military toy sets and a dicast plane and 12 pins… I didn’t understand it… so my mom and I talked for a while… dyed my hair blue…

I talked to anthony and he offered to take me to Fabs holiday party, I was so happy about it, he’s so sweet… we went and stayed until 10…my favorite part was being in the car talking to him, I like spending time with him, I got him a sushi kit for christmas and he got me the pirates DVD, I’ve never seenthat movie, but I’m going to…. and tomorrow I get ot watch sonic X, I recorded it on saturday! hehe

but the party wasn’t that great… we watched family guy for a while and ate pizza and laughed like hell, that was cool too. and we went into the other room and I’m a dork and started making torches out of marshmellows and stuff when we were making smores … and Rob and I were throwing Marchmellows at eachother… but when a couple of people took shots I went into the other room to get some soda and was talking to Liz who was inthere and a bunch of other people came in we kinda had our own little thing in there. That was fun too, just talking about school and phones and things… but I was tired and crabby from the day with colin and I wasn’t in the mood to go anymore, but I was going to even if anthony didn’t offer me the ride. Dun feel like going into that…

we left at 10 and that ride was fun too, he took the long way, nothing much to really say there… but we missed ALL of the lights in clinton, thats UNHEARD of!!!

went home… and just wanted to sleep… so I took a shower, called Vic and passed out late… thats about it…

I don’t really remember monday… why… I dunno… I did something… when I remember…. well… it’ll all go up …

Today was great, I had a fencing meet early and we won, 15-12 but the idiots didn’t tell me what time the buss was leaving so I had to drove to VHS on my own and got ther eat 9 when they left at 8:45!!! the meet starteed at 10 and we were done by 12:30 and I was happy to be home at 1:15 to have lunch and go out to flemington and get my picks and my strings and some ben and jerry’s!!! woo. there wasn’t much else that was going on… tomorrow Colin asked me to go over to his house, I want to see the triplets again, I love those little guys, they’re all so cool.

I need to get up to do yoga tomorrow too, I’ve been meaning to do AM yoga for the past week, I’m hoping to get into the habit of doing it every morning before school starts in an attacpt to get myself back into the body type for martial arts, I feel so fat and stupid! I hate my body and I wish it could be better…. so all I can do is work to make it better and hate everything thats not the perfect 110.

and I get to take my Driving test on Jan 5th and have an away fencing meet at 2:30 too… and on the 7th I get to go have my teeth fixed… woo… and tomorrow night I get to go out to dinner with Garrett and his family and my family and have Christmas/new year … so… until tomorrow I’m going to go do what I want to do… like another Jigsaw puzzle or play piano or guitar or just music or something…

:: End Transmission::

Over rated


Parties suck ass…. I want to get this blue shit out of my hair and I want it now and I want to go to bed and forget this all ever happened…

more on the colin fiasco… the party with fabianne and the only good thing that happened tonight…. sometime tomorrow morning…


… I’m tripping for the 4th time today.. my head is spinning… I can’t think straight… I’m paranoid and i feel diluted… I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t care … there are visions of things not meant to be seen in my head… I feel so twisted…

I’ve been doing this all day thinking of things and loosing myself … I want to get out of my body… the light is hurting my eyes… every sound is hurting my ears… and I just want to get out of here!!

I think…


Ahhh… Glad christmas is over… very, very glad… Boxing day is over… I’m glad its over too… Started this post yesterday but I never really got back to it with everything else that was going on… Hope everything went all spiffy like for everyone else. Tis the season to be nice right?

Christmas Eve —
Joy… Rapture… family came over… just the thing. I don’t have much anymore, so its never that big of a thing… we do that fish thing, thats always fun… but Nicole, my oldest cousin… she’s such a drok, she comes 4 hours early and whats to know that there’s to do! WE LIVE IN ANNANDALE!!!! thats about it! so we just hung out and watched TV…she’s so annoying…she acts like she’s 17!!! god… that just annoys me to no end… so the other two get there and we have food… it was fun then, I like eating *lol* it rained all day, I love the rain, it still didn’t stop everyone from comming… but I got a hello kitty bank and some stuff and a thing for college

i got my guitar and some little stuff, made me very happy… I was playing most of the night and everyone loved it. That was so much fun, I love my guitar, it kicks so much ass!

I don’t feel like posting… but I still am… why?

Christmas day
I got a new wallet and a venitain notebook… and I got this thing called the amazing shrinky dinks maker and I didn’t know what to make of it since I wanted a song book, and it didn’t really work when I got it… got into a fight with my dad that got ugly and went over to arties house and got the RAZIEL DOLL I wanted so badly from BBI for christmas!!! it was so exciting and I kinda ran away from home and stayed at his house from about 10am until …well… I don’t remember…10:30? Something like that… His mom is so sweet to me, she got me and evening bag from bath and body with this beautiful smelling bodywash and Lotion and spray in it. I love her! She’s like my 2nd mom! I made her cookies and brought them over and I got artie a book and some cologone and I made a train with his name on it and we sat at his house and watched movies all damn day because I kinda couldn’t go back home… we watched the end of TMNT 3 and Monty python and I hit myself over the head to the monks chanting on the DVD extras and when they did it the first time! Ive never seen the whole movie before! it was sooooo funny!!! and we watched the bionicle movie and I got to have dinner at his house, I really, really wanted to stay over night… but I knew I had to go home… dammit

His dad drove me home, he’s so cool like that and my mom was downstairs, so artie and I worked on the puzzle Vic sent me and his dad and my mom talked and it was cool…and I went to bed… called Vic and didn’t want to tell dave about what happened… because I don’t want to weigh him down with stupid shit… i do enough of that already… hm… went to bed

Boxing day… This is a trip
I was supose to have my driving test today… so I go with mr.D to take it and we talk about how we got the breaklight changed cause at my lesson the left one was out… and he got it fixxed in the morning … so we get to washington and I’m psyched and can’t wait and I know it’ll be great! so we get there, wait in line… and the guy comes to check my signals and everything and it turns out that THE BREAK LIGHT WE GOT FIXXED WAS OUT and I couldn’t take my test… I wanted to cry… I had everything checked and I was so ready … so I drive to the DMV…reschedule my appointment… and I think I’m ready… and to back… get a new light… and it’s being a stupid ass and when we get it to work we go back to the test site and it doesn’t work again… so I was home in a 1/2 hour… I just wanted to cry so hard! but I stayed calm the whole time… I didn’t let him know how upset I was because he was the same way and he got all of the stuff arranged for me to take the test of the 5th of next month and get practice time in too…

so I go home totally disgusted and my paretns are sad too and my mom says she has something for me since I was agrivated and I got this beautiful painted Canvis of a giesha standing in a feld of Irises. I love those flowers! Go out… buy stuff… come home…

apply to college, talk to Vic …

today
Went looking at a college in Allentown, I loved it. So pretty, I want to do a walk through now, its close to home too, so I kinda hope I get accepted… Drove around PA… Went to whitehall and walked through some craft stores and baught al ot of stuff, so much fun buying things! *lol* I needed it… nothing like a shopping spree… so I got the puzzle ribbon, the Autism awareness ribbon and I’m going to make the special ones with the puzzle pieces and I’m going to wear mine tomorrow on my hoodie. and I’m handing the other ones out, I could ahve made 6… but I messed up on my first one on the mesuring, 6 inches not 10 *lol* I got my things backwards, I’m such a dunce… Kinda was out most of the day… came home… went out again… got my camera developed and was happy, and I scanned a bunch of pictures, so if anyone wants to see them, just message me 🙂 … hm… Fabs party is tomorrow thats kinda cool… she’s not my favorite person, but I’m going to see anthony, I hope he likes what I got him, it seemed very much him to me, and I need to talk to my mom about that ticket… and I’m going ot flemington with Colin…maybe I’ll get to go to Dave Phillips too… I need picks and such… So that’ll be interesting… that army store smells like pot and shit… I hate going in there, but I’ll be out of my house for the day… so thats cool… I can’t think of anything else to post… maybe lyrics in a bit, I know everyone hates me for it, but thats okay too

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schizoid

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