A book was found today at the bottom of a box… it was a book of memories my grammy did for me when I was a little girl…

it’s all about her and all about my mom….. I wish they didn’t die… I’d love to be able to talk to my mommy about all of these things but she’s been gone for years now..

so I’m sitting here on my floor as always crying my eyes out… because i miss my mom and dad… and my grammy… and lindy……..a lot…a whole lot

I feel like a drama queen

You only know about a person what they tell you… and i’ve told a lot of whoppers in my short life to hide the things I don’t want to deal with… and I’m noot good with confrontantion or honesty to some people. But after last night I’m just tired. I’m tired of being me and i’m tired of existing this way.

…more later

over the last few days i’ve been mysteriously forgetting my medicaiton…one pill here, part of one there …i’ll stop today. It says it will put me into a coma and thats it. it sounds like a quiet way to go once the last of its out of my system…

….i never should have gotten involved, i never should have gotten in this far… how could i have ever gotten in this far

i think i want to die… and i cant say anything more about it other than i want to die…. and if i do…. then its okay….its really… really okay….i just cant deal with any of this anymore and its all my fault….and i just cant do it anymore

Xamp came to the contra and we danced 2 together!!!! I think someday he  might be a regular contra dancer! (okay, thats pushing it but at least he’ll come)

…I just wish he’d dance with other people too

more later. even about the finger