i think i want to die… and i cant say anything more about it other than i want to die…. and if i do…. then its okay….its really… really okay….i just cant deal with any of this anymore and its all my fault….and i just cant do it anymore
Confessions of a Girl
Objects in monitor are closer than they appear….
Confessions of a Girl 
Don’t die and it’s not all your fault.
If you really need to talk to someone, my number is 413-209-8933.
Please call.
-Elle
A lot of it is my fault though… and I can explain why.
It all has to do with whats going on betwen me and … He came down here because he said I needed him to because i couldn’t break away from the fake family that i’ve made myself believe is real and come up there with him…
…when even if its fake it’s all I’ve ever had
and now it’s my fault that I haven’t broken away so he can get back up to maine to see his kids and get things nad do things and its my fault. He won’t go back without me even though i’ve said for him to go just this one time because I cant. So he’s waited and burned all his bridges and did all of these things for me and I’ve done nothing but be selfish and immature back towards him… because I was never ready for any of this! I was never ready for everything to fall in like it was and now I fel like there’s all this pressure from all sides like my “family” to do one thing and from him to do the other and to restart and have everything work but its not that simple and I just can’t make up my own mind!
…sometimes I wish all of this never happened. And I know eventually he’s going to see this and think that I’m telling him to go away and I’m not. Because everything happened and it’s not bad! there are just times like last night when the frustration gets to be too much and he won’t tell me anything like that because he doesn’t want to upset me….and that just makes everything worse in the long run.
So last night it ended up with both of us wanting to die because after he told me how frustrated he was and I just felt everything inside of me die he told me he loved me and it hurt. And i told him not to say that right now i can’t hear it because it hurts too much to hear right now. So he took that as i want him to go away and then wanted to die thinking i didn’t want him anymore… because i got upset that he was upset and then he had to pull himself back together because of me and thats not fair either.
So…thats it…so thats why i feel like i want to die.. but i’ll be okay, thanks for giving me your number but i’ll get over it. I always have to b ecause i don’t want anyone who sees me everyday to know that im upset or whatever.