why am i not tired?! its late and I’m still up, I’m just going to be retarded tired tomorrow!!! well shit… I’m clucky but there is so much else going on… it goes beyond making love and the other things like that… its getting close to that time again and i know I’m kinda crazy but its just something thats going to be nice when it happens. we’re both looking forward to it, along with other important things in our life together… i don’t know if i want it to be this month, but it wouldn’t be terrable if it was… i don’t know, its not that I’m dreading anything or scared or whatever I’ve just had a lot of things going through my mind after talking to Bianca about weddings … there was nothing wrong with mine… really… really… it just makes me sad that it wasn’t exactaly how it should have been but nothing in life is perfect and someday maybe we’ll get to renew our vows and it will be better….

i dont want my guy to have to go down to dicksoncity tomorrow… thats so far away… i don’ have too much to do tomorrow. my 24 Italian songs book are missing, i got my coloratura aria book today but its not what i need right now. i hope i can find that… i also have that meeting tomorrow about the new faculty member thats being hired…. okay…. maybe i should suck it up and try to go to bed…

… i was mean in my sleep again last night to my bunny and he couldn’t come to bed until soooo late… i feel horriable i never want to be like that in my sleep its not fair… its just not fair that hes so kind to me and has to deal with that kind of shit…. i love him

so… there’s failing that last arabitch  exam… and then there was the other thing … the thing that i did… i blew it so hard there are no pieces left for me to even think of recovering… so i am hoping beyond hope that those 3 points i got for getting such a high grade on the first written quiz is going to do something to help me.

and logic sucks

i dont feel too good, but i dont feel too bad either, i just feel like my insides are unsettled and ive come in contact with too much aloe… class tomorrow 10:20-11:30 then work 2-9 and tomorrow is my bunbuns day off too… well.. actually thats today now…

bleck…. he wants me to go to bed, i want him to go to bed, we should go to bed but only after my hair is dry from the shower….

killing me softly…

its only the first week of the last semester here to get this godforsaken degree and i already feel like its killing me softly… I’m trying to do a little too much but thats just how it always is for me and i know by now i should be use to the constant overload of stuff but i think I’m just getting more and more tired from it.

Em and I are going ice skating today after she gets out of her program i cant wait… i have to find money tho…. maybe she can get this one and i will get the next one and I’ll drive. not like that really mattered.

snowed here last night too it was so pretty but i had such a migrane I couldn’t even enjoy it every time I ate yesterday the headache would get worse and every time i had something to drink it would do the same thing and i know getting dehydrated is one of the worst things i could do and thats exactly what happened. when i got up to get a drink last night i swear to god i almost lost my insides, part of me thinks i did last night but i think id know if that happened. anyway, only more amusing things

yesterday was my Davis’ birthday and the house is decorated like a birthday seizure… its really amusing looking to me with the door banner and the streamers and things all over. i really wanted him to know how i do appreciate him and i do love him so very much. I’m so proud i was able to make a pistacio pudding pie right for him. I just wish I was able to eat it too. Last year i tried to make it and all i ended up doing was thinking when the box said to reduce the milk you put it into a pot and heat it to reduce it that way and it turned out thats not how to do it… I’d never seen instant pudding before either…. yes yes, feel free to laugh at me. It was fun making it for him and we had pizza yesterday and went out for pretzles and Starbucks at the mall while it was snowing. I use to hate being in the car but since we got together the idea of being stuck in traffic actually has turned into something fun. I think the Haggen Daaz closed though, at least Cinnabon is still there. I hve movie tickets for him for when there’s something he’d like for us to go see.

We went into baby Gap and looked at some of the cutest little clothes there was this cherry dress for a toddler that i fell in love with and almost had to buy…eventually there will be someone the right size for it…and it might be sooner than later but that all depends on how soon I get some things worked out and how soon we get back to working on it together. I keep forgetting its not just a me problem its something that if we work on together we will get it fixed and life will get moving.

so… yeah…. but the new house is great… all the space and its going to be nicer when the dish washer gets here tomorrow sometime. I hope HBI calls me soon so i know when not to be out doing laundry and as god is my witless it will be fun its an add day for me I think… an ADD i should be doing Arabic but im not because i feel like since i did a paragraph of it ive made some gigantic accomplishments

OMFG….so Dev and I were talking about being retarded and who colleges don’t help kids enough when they really cant do something and he just looked at me dead serious and said that we should tart a union. Everyone with some kind of disability so all go and register for the same classes at the same time so that way some poor prof gets ALL of us simpletons in her/his class and then we all either have to pass/fail/be removed and accomodated better, it’ll be the simpleton union for better education practices and our personal amusement. lol I love that kid…. he made Sals’ Islamic philo, theo &mysti. class so much more amusing than it ever could have been….

i need to go find em and get something to snack on before she gets out of class, I had froot loops this morning and a bottle of water ive still not opened yet today… I’ve been feeling a bit crappy for about a week now but it’ll pass soon enough.

i really need to remember to get a date book today too.

this entry is all bitching… sorry…. feel free not to read it

i hate doing laundry… i hate doing it and i think i have 4 more loads to do before this place is sanitary… there were no spaces at the raccoon, i had to go over to catasauqua to do it and then it was $2 instead of $1 and i ahd to use the quarter machine but it ate my 5 and wouldn’t take my $1 … the guy had to get it for me then the drier at my quarters and i only got one dollar credit instead of 1.25… and i forgot to put the drier sheets in until the very end.

my thumbnail broke too and im still looking for my nail file, this place is still such a disgusting mess i dont know how im ever going to get through it all once the workload picks up again….

went over to book rack while i was waiting and i got a king arthur book with my credits, i was happy i didn’t have to pay for it…. i really didn’t have the money for a book i have nothing right now and i had to borrow a 20 from Davis to get more laundry stuff and im not sure weggies is going to pay me for the time i was out in disability because they didn’t put me on the schedule anyway so i think im just out of money for another 3 weeks and im worried about it. i think im waiting for a check thats not going to come…

i just feel very frustrated and sad… i have more to say but i try not to be completely negative in the posts….sorry… sorry you read this


we went to target to get some stuff for the house and as we went to the checkout there were two girls about my size trying to get this thing of tide open … and of course i hooked up with a white knight and he offered to help them open the thing of tide…. and it was stuck… so i held onto the handle and he yanked on it and the next thing i know the top pops completely off and explodes all over him and all over the floor! It was so funny but at the same time so pathtic!

poor thing went around for the rest of the night with this big tide stain on his shirt, the good thing is when i go to do wash tomorrow i might not need much soap to do the colors!

lol, poor thing

we went to friendlies for dinner and that was fun too now off to watch hoodwinked and then sleep. night night

so my father decided he was going to take my car to get its once over now that i have to leave… nice of him i think but i know hes all weird because of the cone thing and his friend having that almost killed him heart attack… i’m really going to miss my mommy no matter how much i want to go back im finally to the point where i know i have no choice. I just know one of the first things he says to me is going to be asking me if I’m his yet

what choice do i have but to say yes and just to get all of this over with? He’s miserable and i know its not fair that im not ready and hes waiting for me to be so i have to just move on and do it already…we’ll just get it over with on valentines day… i mean,ive never really made it up to him for sleeping through it that first year he moved down here and was waiting for me in the cold all that time…

its not really the end of the world, but sometimes i just feel like it is i love him to death though and i know i’ll be happy to see him when i get there