Writer’s Block: Meanwhile, back on the ranch …

the absolute worst thing about going back to work … especially at my really crappy job is that i know my boss will give me hell for no particular reason. She’s just a gigantic pain in the butt and likes to just be a great big bully. So for that time I’m not there… it’s really nice because i can actually just spend some time not being talked down to … and i think that every time i come back i get less and less acclimated to the fact that shes just a nasty bitch.

i was just off for 2 weeks and today will be my 4th day back after it … and all i can keep thinking is ‘why am i still here … and even better … why do i still put up with this nonsense from her.

Work today was long but it was an Ok day anyway… i need to do some work on myself so i dont put EVERYTHING in my mouth … it’s really hard working in a bakery to not want to eat everything. I just need to keep working on it

 and i went and got breakfast today before work too then i dropped him off and went to work… i had to pick the poor guy up late though because my job does kinda suck

we had a really good supper tonight too, my mom was going on about it so i finally made it i had a small breakdown while i was trying to do it though……. im not the best cook and it was hard for me to do but it tasted so good when it was done

my resource binder is due tomorrow by midnight too and i’m not done … i did 7 pages of the 9 page paper and i know i can do at least the last 3 pages tomorrow and find a holepuncher for the binder afterwork

now… since iron chef is over and i think im starting to get tired i am going to put the leftovers away … and go to bed …

i have to be up at 4 to drop him off, and then come home and go backto bed for 3 hours…and then i go to work 9-2 and get to pick my guy up from work then too! i am pretty darn sure we’re going to get home and just crash though i’ll get the work done i’m not even worried about that! 

a2 +b2 =

well i dont think i can do math on my subject lines very well… and it’s just fine with me. i feel kinda crappy today i woke up just … sick… i’m hoping to feel better tomorrow! So i didn’t do too much of value today… no homework for the seminary but i did a few things for S.M. I’m trying to think what else i did today. 

oh wait, i did clean! the kitchen is looking better and some of the christmas decorations are down. i just didnt have the energy to do the rest of it today. i think i’ll get it done tomorrow since we’re both off

other than that today was an easy day with not too much drama

and i think im going to go to bed now, and hope i feel better in the morning

First things first … HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY   I love you, by the way… so deal with it! we’re actually off together for today. it’s neat

I had something of value to say about yesterday too but i never got to it because of other random stuff. my father called me in the morning telling me that he has a light day and he knows my car needs work so he’s coming down to get the stuff done to my car ( i found out later that him doing this is a bigtime man insult to the other important man in my life) and i was caught by suprise… i had a ton of things to get done but he was coming anyway. So i take a shower, take the trash out of my car, go get her washed and he was here. I have 2 lights burned out on it. it really wasnt too bad… i was suprised. He met me at westgate where my laundry was. we went and got bulbs… and he wantd to know where the local Honda dealer is … I have no idea… but there is one on freemansburg, so we replaced my tail light and my headlight and then i got him a coffee and a sticky and me an icegreen tea and something to eat and we talked for a while and it was nice. by the time we got back my wash was dry and he went on his way…

and i had to rush around like a nut to try to get all the decorations up, the laundry home, the pie made, the other thing picked up… and the presents wrapped. It all got done of course… but it was a bit stressful in the morning to try to get everything i needed and know i had to get back to pick him up and TRY not to blow all the suprises! 

I can’t keep secrets! 

we had a nice night together and then this morning has been nice too 😀 . it’s just going to be a very good day.

I have one last thing to do for this Tarot class before i become a full fledged facilitator … the problem is that it’s boring, and it’s long … and i really don’t want to do it. I have to make my own spreads, then use the combined exploding and the compound methods to make another huge spread and then i have to go through it and answer it. I really, really dont want to have to make a spread that is more than 6 cards. I hate doing spreads like that. I know it’s important for me to know and for me to be able to teach … but gods it’s a lot of work just so they can tell me i know what I’m doing and other people in the class can cheat off my work.

I really dont feel like having people cheat off my work for the rest of their homeworks. and i know it’s just one more lesson. I’m not too cranky about it really… and i know it has to get done. I think i can get it all done today…oh wait, i probably have to do that and do thesis the rest of the week. That would be a decent plan i think. 

Well, i’m going to try to get some of this homework done before we decide what else to do with our day. I think he liked his presents! 

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Writer’s Block: Snark, who goes there?

I have said a few things to online friends I’m not sure I’d be able to say in person. I can’t say that it would be NEVER because sometimes I’ve been known to say stupid things in both places. I know first hand that sometimes it’s so much easier to say something to a face time person online than it is face to face. Especially if you have doubts about that person actually listening to you when you’re close together.  and I have had a few different occasions where we’ve sat next to eachother while on our computers and just had to talk out the things that have been bothering us. Just so we both could have the time to make sure the words were just right. It helps me a lot to be able to do that, and i think it’s helped him too. We both sometimes have trouble communicating our feelings when we get upset. it’s not that we dont want to, it’s just that there are baricades that stop us sometimes.

I feel like it’s harder to discount real feelings when a relationship is online, you cant just turn your feelings on and off like from a light switch. if you love someone, you love them. That’s something i read in time magazine too, they did a big article on MMORPGs and Second life where relationships are really formed and those feelings ARE real. There is no such thing as ‘discounting’ feelings. They’re not some magical thing that can just be for someone online. You can love someones RP character, i know I fell inlove with  ‘s character before i fell inlove with him, but i couldn’t stop loving this person on the screen and beyond it.

I think the disconnect can be habit forming in that sometimes the online relationships can truly mean more than the face time ones. I’m sure that there are some people that are able to do things like making a habit of disconnecting yourself… if all of your relationships are online and you can’t have a realtime one because of a communication gap…. then i think it’s time to reevaluate yourself and see deep inside if there is something that is preventing that deep connection from moving from the screen to the skin. Everyone is different. The internet, like everything else, can be a wonderful tool to help communicate… but we all need to make sure that we know where the heart and soul of everything is.

Omnia vincit Amor

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the class is over.

I am so glad… this has been one long week and i wish i could say that i learned more through it but there were a lot of experiences that i wouldn’t get to have if i didn’t go to this class. Today was by far the hardest class for me to be in though. We did freeplay today, and al ot of that is sound effects and strange motions. I loved getting to do the dancing to the music, it was so much fun because i could close my eyes and immagine i was ice skating or anything else i fely like i want to do but know i can’t.

So, that part was amazing. One of the problems with freeplay is that they do a lot of noises like the ones that i get when i have my tics. They were making a lot of squeeking and shreaking osunds… strange scrunched up faces and then more weird jerking body motions. There were afew times my verbal tics got away from me and i ran out of the room. I was so embarassed.

I called Davis to bring me the Bible Bread i needed (that i forgot on the floor at home) when he came i was so upset but so very happy that he came to bring me tha tbecause i wanted to see him and be with him for just a few minutes and know that this stuff was going to be ok and it was only for a few more hours.

Bertie and i talked because she was very worried about me and my comfort level, and she has Fibro so we could talk about things … and Barb and i partnered and did Reki things when we should hve been doing something else. it’s good to have a prof whos also a reki master and fun and we like eachother

well i have more to post but my head hurts so bad

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