Yes… LJ post all about today … tomorrow..
yes… right … my fucking head hurts ….
Yes… LJ post all about today … tomorrow..
yes… right … my fucking head hurts ….
I got all dressed up for studie, just like she wanted. And the one day I really, really want to sing something she doesn’t even pick me. She always says I’m going to sing. Everyone has to sing. But I never get picked. I’m just not fast enough… I just don’t get up.
I don’t have a pianist. I don’t want to have Martian play for me when he’s got other people to play for. It just drives me crazy… I just really wanted to sing for once. Just to get all of this shit out of my system.
The Rufus Wainwright version of this song just wasn’t enought for me today. Kristian said it best once “Sometimes you just need the sound of a full choir.”
Its true, sometimes to get yourself to just sob your eyes out you just need that sound of a full choir singing “Hallelujah” maybe even some miserable sounding Tom Waits today. I have no idea right now. I just got really sad in studio and frustrated in guitar. I just got everything at the same time and just wanted to run away from all of them. How pathetic is this?!
Sean came back to bother me today. he’s just insane and I can’t take him anymore. He’s always comming in here and i know hes got a right. but if he’d stop being such a pervert ALL The time … I’m just so tired of his antics… i guess they could be called antics… he’s so annoying and disgusting and acts like an idiot . He’s writing songs about feeding the squrells and them biting him and all of this other crap. How peanuts are too salty and he’s giving them to the animals and one scratched him and he never got it checked. I think he’s a manaiac. I mean that too.
There is a dress rehersal tonight from 6:30 to 8:30 and its a 1/2 hour walk to the damn thing… and the masque is tonight… 9 to midnight. I definately won’t be there that long.
It was my dream comming true now, it was the realization that I would see him for the first time face to face. Everything I saw in the dreams, everything that Kismete told me seemed to be empty words now. THis was going to be his story! My Story! I had to pay attention to the road, to this feeling that pulled me and my car towards this small town far away from my home in Princeton, it scared me how the farther and farther I went the more and more rural it became, I knew the area I was in… Hunterdon county…
He lived in a small town. They were all small towns around here, I feel like an idiot actually writing that down now. I never found out the name, something with an “L” but what does it really matter, I just knew how to get there. It was a gut instinct. Rt. 22 took me there, i felt myself feeling drawn deeper and deeper into his mind and into his story as I drove closer. Past the pharmisitucal company, past the garden center. To this access ramp
This little darkened and rather worn down main street was the busness center? IT was dark even for night time, the trees were all overgrown. ‘just like home.’ I thought to myself. This is not a place you’d fall inlove with. I had no idea what I would see when I drove down that street and my apprehendsion called me to pull onto cherry street. it lead out to a resivor but I didn’t go any farther, I just stopped.
This place was sad to me, there was an adandonded house, there were so many things that seemed so much like the other little towns in this place, those places no one cared about anymore. People lived here, this was an affluent area. How could an affluent area look so much like this.
I reverced my car and kept going, it can’t be much farther. This road can’t go much farther. Past these houses, a doll house store, open space. a construction store. and I had to slow down, there was a dirt road off to the side of the main road. the only marking that their might be another house there was a broken down wooden frame that must have held a sign once. I took a deep breath and turned down the road.
the broken asphalt and gravel made the road jagged, and their was a yellow house to my one side, and the construction company to my other. before me was the darkest road I had ever seen, no lights, no sounds, just my car alone.
Ugh. Today is just going down hill from last night… I know that seems funny to start a bad awful day yesterday night. But it did start lastnight.
Sean found out that it was me behind fucking us his picture, but I talked my way out of it. It was mean what I did but he asked for it, because he’s crazy. But he took it back and now he wants to get people back for it, he insane. It was a computer print out of him in a sparklie shirt and bell bottomed pants. It deserved to be ripped down…
Lindsay came back. She went home to go to the doctor and she came back again! Why couldn’t she just stay home and get better! Get a note from your own doctor! I was sick and I went home and stayed there for 3 days. I liked having the window open and having freedom. I know she’s not here that often, but thats beside the point… she shouldn’t be here to get me sick.
and now onto today… MY head hurts from crying my eyes out on the phone with my mommy… I hate music, I never want to do it again. I don’t want to sing, I don’t want to play. I don’t want to do any of this anymore. I hate it I hate it I hate it! I mean that too.
My Theory class is killing me. I just don’t understand how I could have had this class before and now I’m doing so badly in it. It should just work! I shouldn’t be wanting to kill myself because of it. I just hate it so much… and I’m trying to pass it. But I can’t go into the practice rooms because everyone down there is so loud, and they’re all so much better than me at everything, and I feel so out of place down there trying to do some work and they’re all… my god… They all sound so good and then there’s me!
I just want to pass everything and do well… I just want to get out of this school and be free again. I’m dying here. I’m really dying here. I’m tired of sitting and spinning in nutral. Why is everyone getting good grades in theory and I’m doing so badly!
MY mommy is comming to see me after Choir because I’m so miserable here. Maybe I can find a way to get out of going to winds. I hate winds. and tonight I have to work on other projects that are due and I don’t want to do them. Its writing up a lesson plan for my guitar & Recorder class. Its due tomorrow afternoon and I need to do well in that too so I can do well in that and just be freed!
But choir is in a few minutes, more like 10 and I have to be there and be ready… I just want to get out of here… so, there will be more of Juliets Bad Awful day later… but I need to try and get a grip so I can go to choir and pretend everything is ok again.
And everyone should listen to this song. ITs really good
okay — that first post was at about 1pm… my mommy came after that and we walked to Quiznos and got food and I got to talk to her and tell her what was bothering me. We’re all excited that I’m at the downward fall of this crappy school year and I’ll be away from the worst roommate ever.
I need to work on La Entrada more. I always feel better when i can work on it.
|My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul|
|chantel goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a butterfly.|
|angelys tricks you! You get a dead frog.|
|aximilij tricks you! You get a wet rag.|
|beckon tricks you! You get a clothespin.|
|eightysix tricks you! You get a block of wood.|
|glitterbats gives you 11 purple apple-flavoured jelly beans.|
|hyougitsune tricks you! You lose 7 pieces of candy!|
|immortallover tricks you! You get a scratched CD.|
|littlepoet12281 gives you 1 dark blue orange-flavoured gummy fruits.|
|lost_lullaby gives you 15 blue coconut-flavoured wafers.|
|nakedmen tricks you! You get a 3.5-inch floppy disc.|
|chantel ends up with 20 pieces of candy, a dead frog, a wet rag, a clothespin, a block of wood, a scratched CD, and a 3.5-inch floppy disc.|
|Go trick-or-treating! Username:|
|Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.|
I am so glad I’m not a guy. They can be so weird sometimes…
I really need to post more too and i keep saying this too. but at least I’m getting somwhere right?!
I’ve gotten most of my applications in and Im’ so happy about that. I just have to get moravian college in and then Im’ done forever! well, at least until I change my mind again! i hope that I get in somewhere good. i’m really excited about the potential for that. I’m really excited about this whole Physical Therapy thing. I can’t wait.
Just getting out of rider university, you know? I really hate everything that has to do with Rider. Westminster is the biggest problem on this list.
Moving right along though. I got my grades, Im’ really happy about that. I’m doing so well. I need to do a little practicing tonight and tomorrow for some test that I’m going to have in theory on friday. I just need to pass that class well. THats all I want out of this school.
Anyway!!! I’m kinda running out of things to say!!! I’m doing a good job not biting my nails too much! I kinda slipped today when the one broke, but its not like I’m doing what I did before!
So I’ll end this now!
You gotta love how borring thursdays are… I just wish Semagic worked on my laptop, its driving me crazy. So I’m posting on here, the online cliant.
I really can’t think of too much to post about really, I just wanted to post…. Just because
The good news is I might be getting a new roomie, but I’ll post all about it tomorrow when I’m home and on the offline cliant, when i can take 10 years and do all this cool stuff that I want to do…
Right now my ribs/lungs are hurting me… I dunno why.