‘Cause i’m hanging on every word you say
and even if you don”t wanna speak tonight
it’s allright, allright with me

‘Cause I want nothing more
than to sit outside heavens door
and listen to you breathing
it’s where I wanna be… yeah.

~*~

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren’t coming out right
I’m tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don’t know where to go from here

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and
It’s You and me and all of the people and
I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you

~*~

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These foolish things…


yes yes, I know, mindless crap, Blame Adilya

~*~

10 Favorites…
Favorite Color: Midnight Blue and White
Favorite Food: I don’t like food
Favorite Band: The Goo Goo Dolls
Favorite Movie: “Over the Hedge” & “Lady and the Tramp”
Favorite Sport: Taekwon-Do
Favorite Season: Spring, the iris bloom then
Favorite Day Of the Week: Monday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Strawberry

9 Currents…
Current Mood: Lonely
Current Taste: Nothing
Current Clothes: Parahute skirt, red tanktop
Current Computer: My mothers Gateway
Current Finger/Tonail polish: nothing yet… I’ll get to it eventually and it will be clear
Current Time: 21:00
Current Surroundings: The usual office stuff
Current Annoyance(s): …My mother

8 Firsts…
First Best Friend: I never had one until recently
First Screen Name: SugahFly13 or Julaya Na (I don’t remember anymore)
First Pet: Hermit Crabs
First Piercing: My ears in April ^^
First Crush: Brian T
First time kissed: 14

7 Lasts…
Last Cigarette: …Does a joint count? 2 years
Last Drink: too long ago…
Last ride: To Clinton
Last Movie Seen: “Over the Hedge”
Last CD Played: The Goo Goo Dolls – Gutterflower

6 Have You Ever….
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: Yes
Have you ever Broken the Law: yes
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: I want to
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yes, multiple times
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: yes

5 Things….
You Did Last Night:
1. Put the fan in my room
2. picked up my room
3. watched Tv
4. Talked to Davis for about 8 hours or something
5. Tried to sleep

4 Places You’ve Been Last…
1. Dunkin’
2. Home
3. Clinton
4. computer

3 People you can tell anything to:
1. Davis
2. ~
3. ~

2 Choices…
1. night or day: night
2. blunt or bong: Blunt…definatly blunt

1 Person You’d Do Anything For:
1. I can’t name one person, because the one I am thinking about it’s not only about that one person. It’s about that one person and his kids, because they all mean the world to me and I cannot say I’d do anything for the one without saying that for them too. It’s part of that love thing. I just wish that I was ready to to that anything right now… at this moment.


I just started crying in the shower. I started to think, it’s not a dangerous pasttime of mine but its one of those things that happens when I get to be alone and know that the chances of someone walking around and finding me are slim.

I started to think about how summer vacation is symbolic of death, I know it sounds strange but really… thats how it is for me. It feels like everytime I say good bye to him its the last time i’m ever going to see him again and I have so many things I want to change but I wasn’t ready to work on… Now I’m getting closer and closer to ready but I want to do so many things before I…

Before I embark on my new life, Before I leave Juliet Michelle behind and become Juliet Chantel I want to do things he tells me are impossiable. I want to get myself to a place that i’m comfortable with here, Anyone whos been reading my posts for the past 5 years knows that I like to have ends tied, saudered, Glued … you get the point.

Like with Doug a few years back… I wanted to just end it cleanly. I know it’s pretty impossiable for that to happen the way I want it to but it’s something that I can explain later on as putting the last of my energy into.

somehow I’m going to find a way to apologise to the two people who I need to say it to. I had the chance to tell one of them that I really, really wanted to be somewhere…but I couldn’t. You don’t explane those things yet, not until you’re asked and then try ..

I’ll post more later

work sucks.


work sucked… she said i’d get a schedule that i asked for and its not it … i have to go through more training tomorrow… its all bullshit…

i had a migrane for almost 2 days and its finally goneish but i don’t want it to come back

Davis came to see me at work… he waited for me… i love him so much…

Yesterday today whatever


Today… I got up, went downstairs only to have my wearabouts intterogated about how did I put 80 miles on the car when they were at the weddding. I don’t like it and I’m sick of it. It’s not their business where I’m going as long as i pay for my own gas and don’t get killed.

okay… I don’t want to talk about that … or yesterday… but yesterday was one of those things… I got out of work, checked on the dog and headed to his store to visit him and everythng was allright for a while but i started to get that feeling when i was driving too but i got there… and things were okay…

But while I was there things started to get funny and i started to feel funny and he told me to go back over to his department and sit down. So i went to a part thats a little secluded and hid there to flip through a paint book and hope it passes but it didn’t and I had a few little ones when i was sitting there.

I was scared … I was alone and scared…but there were a lot of people in the store… he ended up paging me to find me but i couldn’t move i was stuck in the chair i was sitting in. I hated it… i was scared…

He found me but i couldn’t move and I didn’t want him to be stuck taking care of me when he was at work because thats not why i went there… i went there to see him…

we ended up going into the breakroom where i just felt worse for being in the way… I love him so much and i just want to get to take care of myself… but im just getting worse…

i don’t want to be a burdon

seizures


I spend a lot of time wanting to die… I spend a lot of time that way but when i get the chance to do it I can’t do it because its at those times I just want to snuggle up beside him and have him tell me that its going to be okay and everything is going to get better.

My father is monitoring the miles on his car that he’s letting me use (It was considered mine… but not anymore) … I just need a hug…

Nothing changes… why cant i just go curl up in a ball beside him and just be safe… just be happy…?