What I’m thinking…

At This Point In My Life
Tracy Chapman

At this point in my life, I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t
know if
I can do right.

If you put your trust in me, I hope I won’t let you down.
If you give me a chance, I’ll try.
You see it’s been hard the road I’m traveling on, and if I take
hand I might lead you down the path to ruin.

I’ve had a hard life-just saying so you understand that right
now, right
now I’m doing the best that I can at this point in my life.
At this point in my life, although I’ve mostly walked in the

I’m still searching for light.
Won’t you put your faith in me?
We both know that’s what matters.
If you give me a chance, I’ll try.
You see, I’ve been climbing stairs, but mostly stumbling down.
I’ve been reaching high but mostly losing ground.
You see I’ve conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
right now, right now, I’m doing the best I can at this point in
my life.
Before we take a step, before we walk down the path, before I
make any
promises, before you have regrets, before we talk commitment,
let me
tell you of my past-all I’ve seen and all I’ve done, the things
I’d like
to forget at this point in my life.
At this point in my life, I’d like to live as if only love
mattered, as
if redemption was in sight, as if the search to live honestly is
that anyone needs, no matter if you find it.
You see when I’ve touched the sky, the earth’s gravity has
pulled me
But now I’ve reconciled that in this world, birds and angels get
wings to fly.
If you can believe in this heart of mine, if you can give it a
try, then
I’ll reach inside and find and give you all the sweetness that I
have at
this point in my life, at this point in my life.

In life there is always a good guy and a bad guy. The problem is, the good guy isn’t ALWAYS really the good guy after all. All of the players are equally flawed but that can be hardbto see. Everyone needs a good guy in their lives no matter how old they are. They want to think that there is some superman out there that can beat anything but will always be on their side for what they think.

The problem?

When you’re young you can’t see that there aren’t many supermen/women, there aren’t many white knights or prince charmings like in the books. You get who you get, the good and the bad. If you feel there are no good guys…well that leaves you is searching for the things that are good, right and honest in the world, but almost never sure what that really is.


My mother warned me about this. Getting involved with someone who has kids. She did the same thing and told me everything that she said she knows about it and I’d like to think I learned omething. Last night I was talking to Xamp‘s boy. He messaged me o Yim… we talked for a while (the whole time I was talking to Davis too) and it just left me feeling heartbroken. Heartbroken and like a bitch. Now, i know this was all going on a long time before I got involved I know all of those details but at the same time it just makes me sad that I know I’m part of what’s hurt him and his sister.

I love those two… really, but even if I wasn’t part of this equasion things would still be happening but thats not going to make sense for a long time. WHY this happened isn’t going to make sense for a long time. There’s nothing that can be done or said to make it make sense either. You can only take in what you want to know and whats at your level of comprehension.

I don’t want him to think his fathers the bad guy.

Done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
oh I’ve
Oh I’ve done so many things wrong, I don’t know if I can do right.

tonight… wow… well…

I was lying on the bed and he took out the poetry book and read to me “O my love is like the Red, Red Rose” and after he read it and was all snuggled up to me he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him.

yes… ladies and gentlebeans Xamp has aked Chantel to marry him …

… and Chantel said



BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY, seek opportunities

to genuinely connect with others, and need to

be appreciated. They do everything with

quality and are devoted and loyal friends and

employers/employees. Whatever or whomever

they commit to are their sole (and soul)

focus. They love to serve and will give

freely of themselves in order to nurture

others lives.

BLUES, however, do need to be understood. They have

distinct preferences and occasionally the

somewhat controlling (but always fair)

personality of a confident leader. Their code

of ethics is remarkably strong and they

expect others to live honest, committed lives

as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful

moments in conversation as well as

remembering special life events (i.e.,

birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are

dependable, thoughtful, nurturing, and can

also be self-righteous, a bit worry-prone,

and emotionally intense. They are like

sainted pit-bulls who never let go of

something once they are committed. When you

deal with a BLUE, be sincere, make an effort

to truly understand them, and truly

appreciate them.

What Color Are You?
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me: **Sings* walkin round it womens underwear

Davis: What?!

me: what? Haven’t you ever heard that? Walkin in a winter wonderland became that… or at least in my world it did, that could be a Juliet origional for all I know.

Davis: well… it is comfortable

me: NO it’s NOT!!! I mean, I’m not a bra burning lunatic or anything, but if i have 2 shirts on then i’ll go without.

Davis: and you know i’m not going to play “Find the Nipple” or anything like that. well, maybe sometimes when its just the two of us

me: well, thats okay … I think. *lol*


hahahahaha…. i don’t know if I’m just a bitch or if its something that I felt the need to do… but just because someone consideres my special someone their “mate” doesn’t mean that they are.

Sorry Tal, hands off. you captured your prey and now you can keep it. I am an evil, heartless, protective, and has bad sharing skills bitch. So go cry in your corner, no sympathy from me … thats what you get for being you. Maybe if you stop someday you’ll win more friends and influence more people.

❤ & *'s ….


p.s: only one kind of mammal has wings, and by-shit it's not you. 😀

Such a wonderful week…

This was something i know i said wouldn’t end up in here. but it will, then onto the rundown of the week eventually

we were standing in the room and infront of me was a mirror. He came up behind me and we were talking and he made this innocent comment about how he doesn’t notice our size difference much until now.

Now, I know it was harmless, I know it was innocent… I know it wasn’t meant in anyway and he felt bad about it. but this is me and it had to end up in here.

Sorry love