Disappointment

I’ve come to realize I have a lot of things working against me.. I went to school for religion and not something more useful … I’ve spent my whole working life in food, or food stores, or bakeries… and I’m disabled.

I really hate having to think about this. My mom encouraged me to call up this job placement place… the woman even told me that it would be very risky because of my experience levels … and my work history. I guess it’s time I start looking back into the grocery stores and into those bakeries again…She said that everyone who has experience over me will get first picks because they have worked in that area before. Everyone is looking for jobs, there are not enough out there. I should be happy to have what I do. Not everyone is that lucky.

I just feel defeated… I feel like I’ve lost a lot and that the best part of my life was before I had to turn into an adult…like the best of my life happened before I ever had a chance to get it started. Now I’m stuck… with broken parts, a damaged brain… and just this deep, penetrating sadness that all I am is a gigantic ball of failure hoping for something good to come my way. I wanted to accomplish something, I wanted to not go to work and come home dirty every day, I wanted to wear clean clothes, nice shoes… maybe even makeup…

I hate it … but I need to deal with it … I just need to be thankful for the job I have and try to keep it … and just do what I can do…but I’m sad…

 

I’m tired of being sick, I’m tired of being broken … I’m tired… just so tired and so sad…

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s