a painted kitchen and a panic attack… i

today it snowed… yeah… seriously… and somehow that made me freak out and xled my dentist appointment… like im really going to drive an hour north in the snow for a consult… kiss my duff. they're nice though and they thought it was ok that i didnt want to come then… its all about not being stressed up there… and me with the stress issues… yeah… makes sense… so i go in april now…

…and i ate like 2lbs of jelly beans tonight and i feel reall sick, so much for trying to cut back on the junk and the sugar, right? haha… easter candy FTW…

and i had an appointment with Beth today…I really dont think i like her … at all… or any of these people anymore, they're not helping me … we talked about the usual stuff and i tried to tell her about some of the things i have going on … she doesn't know if SNAP is going to help us now because my UC came through…i hope it will anyway… and she wants me to try CBIT again.. thats what Penn recommended… im not going to do that… i dont have insurance right now anyway,,, so even more than my visseral reaction to more doctors and more treatments and blah blah blah … .i just dont think that would help me …i think im too old for that anyway,,, too set in my ways and i just know my tics too well and what i need to do to get around them…but i think it would jsut make new tics and more OCD

…speaking of OCD… mine is out of control today… i had to pop 5mgs of valium once we got home from the food store… it was like… everyting was overwhelming for me … and thinks that the whole coupon thing for me is a bad idea…. very bad… becuse i get so focused on that he feels like he cant get anything else … i never said that… but im trying to be on on a budget and trying to save money adn then all this other stuff is going in the cart and then hes on the wrong side of my body … and hes not getting the stuff thats on sale … and im trying to make it so we're not broke…but he said its not fun to go with me places when i get so much like that… and its hard for me … so we get to the checkout and im trying to put the things on the belt and he just keeps on tweaking me and tweaking me and tweaking me …he said he was trying to help but it just was overwhelmign me even more… the items weren't level and they werent seperated right … and then things werent in the right lines ….amd he just kept tweaking me than ithe total got higher than i thought it was going to be so hes tying to make it better for me but we only had like …$730 for get us through the next few weeks and i had so many plans and now none of its going to happen because i got paint…

oh wait, i got paint… thats important to me …i painted almost the whole iten today and i can finish it tomorrow … its not that disgusting blue anymore!!!! its beautiful clean white with white borders … they're the shink white too … i just love how clean it looks .. i didnt fix a lot of the holes and things but i did make it so nicely … next is to finish up finishing the bathroom so its perfect and crisp and clean too … i cant wait to be DONE…. done done done done done!!!!!!! i have so much to do tomorrow… but for now… its time to try to get some sleep… i have a good book…. and im snuggly in bed already with my favorite person next to me …

even if my feelings are still hurt and im still upset about a bunch of things… oh, and im still trying to get this house kitten proof for when i get my baby!!!! 🙂 i am so excited about that too and to have a little fuzzy friend of my own!!!

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