too many doctors, it’s time to call the whole thing off.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of doctors trying to convince me that I'm crazy.

I'm tired of having ideas put into my head that are not my own

I feel like if I am so insightful
then why am I paying these people
to tell me things I already know?

So… Saturday I made the decision that I don't want to play these games anymore with the doctors. I decided that this is game over… I was given an ultimatum at work and I decided to make the right decision for myself, my family, and my finances… I do not regret it. I'm back on my medications … and that's fine with me … but I'm not going to constantly be checking in with people anymore. I don't need to be convinced I'm crazy … I also don't need someone trying to mess with my drugs or tell me things I don't think I need to do.

and somehow watching Top Gear was what helped me come to this conclusion … It was about Hammonds accident and him talking about what it was like coming back from almost dying … and it made me think of the epipen thing, and about my brain and my life and what all this has done to me… and most of all, how much im tired of it and how much im ready to move forward and now have this be held against me anymore.

so the psychiatrists don't think I should do this, but I told them that I'd call with my new schedule everyweek so they can find ways to fit me in.

No. That is not happening.
That's way too restrictive for me, I don't want to be trapped into this. I don't want to do this, play this or have this happen… Im going to try to work on myself with diet and exercize too … i'm always a more grounded person, tics/jerks/ contortions in all as long as I have some kind of activity… and it has to be an hour of it everyday. I can make due with 30 minutes but I NEED to have this done for me … and i need to eat better and focus more… I need routines to keep my OCD under control… so it's time I let myself do what I need to do.

but the doctors gave me all the paperwork to go back to work like I need to do …

Oh, and my mom is coming again tomorrow and this house is a STYE … I should be working on it instead of posting on here… but … this is also something important for me to do too …

Talk to me

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