Shit sandwitch…

Well, I’m at my wits end right now and i need to get out out or i think I’ll just loose it all over the place. I dont know what’s wrong with me! if its that I’m burned out … if its that i don’t care… I had my review yesterday and i got told I leave early too much and my attendance is bad… i know that im use to that …so I thought to myself that I’d say today is the day to make everything better… Today i got up with the mindset that today is the day my attendance improves and I will be a better employee, student and most of all WIFE to my handsome…

but i get there… and my period was last this month… a lot late 9 days … so it started sorta yesterday and i was wet but i came home after the full day and it was okay but i felt a little strange too thought it would go away in the morning but i got to work and about an hour in i got horrable pain all over my body so i thought i’ll just run up to the ladies room and see if I’ll be okay … well, nothing happened so i came back down but it started to get worse … i took an actual break at 10:15 … and told Riss when i got back with Bianca that I feel like hell and i really cant seem to eat anything and she said if i feel bad to go home … so i said I’m going to try to stick it out and it will be okay …

I started to feel worse and worse… so she tells Xtina and I’m all upset because i just got this long attendance talk and i had this goal for today to be a better everything so I;m just going to have to be be a better student and wife today and a better employee forever starting tomorrow … but i got so upset because i didn’t want to go home because i felt sick i wanted to force myself to stay… force myself to do it and then go home and just collapse and get on with the day. So another talk with xtina follows and she says it okay if i go home legit sick… and i told her im trying to make this better… she says that maybe i should just take some time off and she knows i need the money but maybe it would be better for all of us ..

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN… she said they love when I’m there… I’m a big help i do great… but this all needs to get under control… so I want to cry now because i feel like a failure because of it.

I dont want to loose my job, i dont know where i’d get another one at … i need to be there and i need to do better i know i can do better but i need to get a grip on my life. Sometimes I feel like I’m just starting to fall apart.

Cleo also died this morning… ive not talked too much about that in here because its been so hard for me to want to deal with… i guess should put a lot of pictures in here too of all the things i owe… thats the big thing for today though … I think im going to go lye down now and watch my guy sleep…

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