First Saturday

that I’m not working or have a football game to be at … and it feels kinda good but at the same time its a little bit sad to know that my time in marching band is really, really over. i really should be cleaning up the house and doing dishes but i just want to post beforei forget to do it. 

The babies are so cute, they’ve gotten so big and Davis and I are back talking seriously (not like we ever really weren’t) about working on having a baby. It’s not like we weren’t serious, a lot of that was a bit of my problem because ive been scared. I know its a big adjustment to life and a huge change but I know its getting to be time for things like this. It’s been so much up and down over the past 2 years. 

I like not having to be at a game today but some parts of me are sad about it because I feel like thats another part of that life I had is gone. I think I grew up a lot in the past 2 years and I was done last year. I jsut want to get done with school sometimes and move on with this part of my life. But sometimes I don’t think i want to do it the way I am. Not leave Davis, I’m happy with him. There is just so much drama. 

I think after I go see him for lunch I’m going to do some cleaning before work tomorrow. I need to get quarters too for laundry since its that time of the month and I’m not happy. 

I don’t really know what to post about. There are a lot of things going on in my head… like the fact that i’m graduating from here in a may and have to get my life in order… and I’m really worried about money…I’m not going to put that all in here, i have my little list on this paper beside me about how i’m going to pay the bills and make sure I do my part to get us up to date. I don’t want us to be behind anymore and I realize that a lot of that was from last year was my problem for not getting my priorities in line. This is all jsut so new to me. I don’t really understand how imporant some of this stuff is because he is older than me and has more lief expeirence in some things. That doesn’t upset me, just like knowing hes stronger than me and bigger than me cant.

I want the bills call caught up by november… I don’t know how its going to happen…it will i’m not too worried, I just have to keep doing my part. I guess… well… other than being mistreated in the ensamble is the fact that I know i need to work … its better if I am. and yes, i am very sad in my own way about not doing band anymore but i jsut had to make sure my priorities were in line… and when it really got to the bottom of it …well… makeing sure we don’t loose th land… and the other things… well… I made my choices didn’t I?

My mother gave me money… there was something else I wanted to do with it, but i cant in good conscious… no… we’re a team… and that means more to me than anything else in this world. i just worry about the check from Alice… I hope that its good still. I’m actually almost terrifdied to cash it now… but its money that i know we need. I have maple story up too and other things i need to do… 

I wanted to go dancing tonight but I can’t… I know he gave me the $20 to get money for laundry and to go dancing if i want to go… but my hip still hurts from yesterday and i really should get a new spong for dishes… I just… this is why i stopped going to contra last year… there will always be another dance… 

I wish i could get my check thursday I have to get the payment for thel and in the mail by thursday… i keep starting to talk about money in here and i really shouldn’t.

i love my job

Firstly i got an 90/100 on my first assignment i couldn’t believei t and i would have had a perfect or close if i didn’t forget that one of the letters is connecting and i just forgot. i am so proud of myself and tonight i got to clsoe with charles and make this cute little cookie cake which is always a kick to make something new. marissa got on me about my engadgement ring but thats why my wedding band is plain but the cke was amusing. i keep saying im going to write doen what i use to make those tihngs so when i have my own store or something i have a few little secrets an tricks of my own that aren’t really mine but i have some things id change. 

his wife is 16 years younger than him and we were talking about age differences and things. oh it was great. and people who suck. the only problem was that i popped my hip slipping on the floor  since it was wet…. good night over all. i go back in sunday at 7 and thats good for me… i kinda like not working ever day. i mean its nice to know i have some days off. i jsut don’t know how i’d get to keep this schedule for the reast of the year. 

anyway… not too much else is going on … other than my period started and i bled through my white pants …. i am so pissed off laundry tomorrow…… and my poor guy got sick at the food store, who puts latex in the god damn dog leaches so im really worried about him still … this is just another reason im happy he didn’t get that promotion to flooring i was scared hed get sick and id not know soon enough or something else. i know thats sucha small chance but i love him so much and i don’t want anything to happen to him… hes my guy. So I’m trying to take care of him now… i know hes going to be okay… but its just that i hate when that happens.

Free at last free at last

I cant deal with band anymore that fucking whore has hurt me fir the last time… she cant shair she comes lateer than all of us to rehersals and I am tired of feeling like shes going out of her way to make trouble with me! We were friends… I taught the damn kid how to pump her own gass. I hope my kids don’t act like this with me… I feel like a part with a lot of the moco people. 

But I talked to my mother… well… let me start over… went to get my car foxed with my father this morning and made this msitake of waiting with him to get it done and we talked about school and about a bunch of other things and band but i was so angry with him about it because he was right about something i ahve to make my own priorities and i realized that working is more important than being in the band…so before my lesson and after class today i walked down to the music building, got my stuff out of my car and took it up to barnes office, put on the waterworks a bit to sound upset and told him i quit because of teh treatment of myself and the rest of the section. sad thing is he thought one talk would have fixed the whole thing and i just said its not working if its not enforced. 

i feel so free! he was sad to see me go! but i told the others from pit about it but Cindy and Mary but thats ok and the others felt bad but knew how i felt and its not like i wont see them its a small school. but it was better to go to work and not feel like im not going to die because i have no time to take care of myself and my life here too. 

went to work tonight and it was pretty good, i got to try the new carrot cake and it was great, i hate that too… everyone is pretty happy i left band. bleh… all i want to do is sleep for the past week i wonder if I’m gretting sick or something is up with me… im starting to get worried.  

Yesterday today and tomorrow

I cant believe it… I passed out at 8 last night and really never woke back up until 8 this morning… I cant believe it! I felt so crappy last night I was shaking all over and was tired and felt totally out of it … and i was up a little bit to see him get home and then back to sleep again ….

but yesterday was the last day of band camp… well… it sucked… Cindy is still talking crap about me behind my back and she made this mistake of telling that to Chrissy who I’ve been friends with forever & then she did it to Ashley too! they both came up and told me all about it and what happened and what exactally she said, but it was so mean and totally rude to do. She thinks I’m trying to steal her job as section leader ,well guess what bitch I don’t want it! I am so stressed out over this while thing with Band that if its not better by Saturday then I’m out! totally and completely out! Why make myself suffer over something that is not worth it. I could be working my real job making money instead of doing crap like this. My Review is coming up at the store soon too and I want it to be good so I get another raise. im not sure i got my last once because its been some time since i got a paycheck… thats another point.

how dare she…. and yesterday too somehow my drivers side break locked on my car and it started spitting break fluid or something and i had to stop and  call Davis and panic about it because that was mad scary… so i told my parents about it too and now they’re all pissed and are coming down here tomorrow because they have nothing but time and i’m so busy and they don’t know why id wait until Thursday to get it fixed instead of 20 years ago. I don’t have time right now. Huge fight with them today about it… absolutely huge. and then it got bigger about my sock drawer which she decided to go through all of my belongings there AGAIN…. i hate that… i hate them i think… i just feel like they treat me like a dog.

if its not better in band by Saturday I’m quitting and they can deal with it I am not here to be abused by some stupid kid in an ensemble i don’t even need

i got an e-mail today too saying a girl got mugged at the top of my road and the intersetion of his… thats scary… she was walking alone at like 11…but i’m scared of those things… and i have to walk over there today after band… i might go now to do it and just take my car down south again… i’m not technically suppose to be driving it but i have to go see him for lunch and I’ll take it slowly. I’ve got class at 2:20… thats plently of time to get home and do something for a bit… or just stay up here and do homework… I think I’ll go home.

all for now

::end transmission::

marching band sucks

Oh my gods… I really want to fucking kill someone right now. Cindy went and made a stink to Barnes and he threatined ot make cuts in the ensamble because he doesn’t approve of decent and he will ont have it in ihis band but he has no idea of whats going on. She’s conctantly talking down to us and treating us like we’re totally ignorant. Like she’s the only one that ever played one of those instruments before,.

I just cant take he.r I jsut cant take the constant talking and that feeling of acting like she has something over us which she doesn’t AT ALL. i’m not angry I’m not section leader anymore I jsut feel like she has no right to keep acting this wya. The first day or two maybe but not now. I talked to Michelle and she told me she talked to cindy and she said how much better she is than everyone else and how shes going to ahve to beat everytihng into us. What an attitude problem! Bitch!

so today we tried to play a stupid game with her and we hid behind the stage to pop out on her and she went to cry to barnes and i cant believe she just didn’t grow up and act like an adult instead of going crying to him. but I didn’t get it because i’m too sick. Well i think I’m too sick to help anymore too. I’ve not taken my stuff in 2 weeks and i know its bad and Davis is going to be upset with me when he reads this but I feel fine and i’d be better if i was taking it but it makes me tired sometimes

so it was the day from hell and we still have one more day of minicamp to go. She’s just trying to be Jen i think too and its not working…

so barnes said to us that cindy came back from Corps and had SO MANY GREAT IDEAS and we have to help her and go along with them because shes going ot be a teacher someday like all of us and we need to be pa part of the grop she is trying and we cannot be so hard on he.r but shes a sacred music major! She’s not teaching and if I have ot hear about Corps one more time I’m goingto kill her I have been in marching bands for over 10 years at this point and i HAVE NEVER had a problem ever with anyone in a band and Moravian has been one nightmare after another!! Fucking Bitch!!

i could keep bitching about how she does things 2 measures at a time and ten when she got bakc today she got a total attitude with us about her teaching and WHY we have to do things the way we do. But after yesterday when she told us that “We bought our tickets nad now we have to go down with the plane” I am sick of her…

fuck her… I have dishes and more work to do here tonight to make this place nice for him tonight… i’m trying to make the house clean and i think im doing ok… i just am totally out of paper towels and i cant do the last of this without it…

back later…..maple for me soon… no more homework tonight