today


Well, busness as usual i guess for me. you know… classes and things ….I love my Zoology class, he’s already planned a big fieldtrip for us to NYC. I can’t wait for us to go! It’s going to be so much fun! Dr.Mitchell is really cool. um… I failed my test in early christianity too. I forgot to read part of the book of Acts and he quized us… asshole… i hate him, he’s older then the guy who founded the school….

Still hate blotchei’s class. HE’s a moron and I told him I didn’t like him today either… and I hate his class… he understood I think … about how I feel its wasting my time and I’m tired of all of this crap i have to do with him and for him because its a stupid frosh class and I don’t need it!

Now for the true lowlight of the day… the pre-med meeting I was invited to…. like all the other pre-med people I got the E-mail saying there’s going to be a meeting. so… i decide to go… and it was scary… the evil acronym MCAT was brought up, and cadavers and other horriable things that I don’t need to know… along with M.D and D.O and all these other things that don’t make sence to me, like the LOOOOOOOONG resedency… and then she tells us about Allied health …

I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS ALLIED HEALTH. and how dr.Mitchell is our advisor… and we shouldn’t be here… and i go right to him after this meeting and we talk for abotu 45 minutes about stuff and how I shouldn’t worry and with my GPA and my work ethic he can try to get me to field study next semester in the hospital as a shadow…I’m looking forward to my chance at that… He told me to chill out and stop worrying and he has no problem with me and knows I’m a good kid. All that rot. It made me feel good after talking to him.

I saw my mommy today before religion too. I really needed to see my mommy… I just feel sad… I just feel very sad and alone… I have for a while now. I’m just tired… I guess thats it…

I'm going over the same useless shit again…there's some new stuff too…but its a lot of old things too that no one has to read about… I'll start cutting it all from now on, I'm complaining about missing him too much

so…


He was online last night for a long time just like I was and neither of us messaged the other….. but he blames me for being standoffish and cold or 10,000 other thing. I know I’m not innocent in this. Everytime I talk to you I end up feeling like an idiot…

We talked over the weekened… i think it was sunday and it was like every other coversation with people. I always get the feeling like I’m the bad one, I’m the one that does everything wrong. You don’t make that better you jerk.

How could you even ask me what I want? Really? You know that can never happen! It’s just like you’re tanunting me about what I’m missing. That really sucks boy… really, really sucks… As much as I want to talk to you, as much as i’d really want to talk to you and just feel like you care I get this deep and painful sensation that you just don’t give a shit about me. and I’m probably right about that now too.

Why is it that “Lets just be friends” is the worst fucking thing you can ever say to a person? I mean, it shouldn ‘t be that bad! It’s not like you’re loosing them forever, it’s just a change in the way things are… I was just an idiot for investing myself so much, Why would I invest myself in something like that? Was I really that niave?

The answer to that is YES. I really, really was that Niave… and how stupid I was. To think that I’d even get an E-card or something from him on Single Awareness day! I had to hold back from sending him a valentines day card… a real one … oh whatever really. I’m making myself feel bad

I don’t know… I’m not in the mood for hot breakfast today… maybe its because for the past 2 months I’ve lived on those weird little Ham and cheese omlets… ugh… well, the bus leaves at 8:2… so i should get my stuf ready… and i never did any of the work for christianity today… makes me think he’s going to give us a quiz… fuck fuck fuck…

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