It was okay I guess… we got caught in the rain and walked around and stuff… Just walked around flemington… I don’t know…it feels okay… but it’s just not all that much fun… well… I mean… it is fun… but it’s not really the greatist … its hard to explain becauyse he’s so much more restrictive, so much calmer… so much more everything… you know? It’s not like I can just start talking about music I like… or something stupid I mean, even Videogames have to be calm… and I know I’m the one that needs to be toned down…but I mean, just walking around and not doing anything that could even look like anything is just …. it’s not me I mean… it’s not like I don’t really like him… I just have to be totally clean and PC around him and I just feel like I’m scared I’m going to give the wrong impression or something…It’s nice… but I think he has the feeling that we’re going to do something and he’ll get bagged, I don’t know…..he just seemed a little weird…I just wish I had an idea of what he was thinking maybe I’m not made for this kind of thing! I don’t know what I’m going to do…I mean, I don’t want to break his heart by doing something stupid or anything, It’s like I care about him as a great guy. but as for a relationship I just feel like after everything thats happened I don’t want to get stuck with someone because i’m even more worried about getting hurt… but I want him to be happy too! I know I won’t really find out an answer unless I wait and see, but I don’t think I have enough patients to that I’d like to hold hands with someone… it’s like I can’t touch him because he won’t know what to do about it and I’m scared of his parents hating me… It was good today in flemington though, we walked all over…. there was some talking about stuff… but it wasn’t anything really meaningful to me, it was just crap… he got some stuff and I got a bunch of little things… and we got soaked trying to get to liberty village…so yeah… thus went the rest of the day really..played Saturne and stuff…. he’s square… I’m wondering what would happen if we take a bus with lockart somewhere… and we have to sit with someone, because i know I’d want to sit with you if you wanted to with me, but I don’t want to feel obligated to someone anymore…. *feels very messed up talking to Lisa and it really, really isn’t helping*

i have most to post… but I don’t want to right now sorry if thats all backwards

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