posting…

So carry your blues behind your eyes,
Don’t flatter yourself I will survive.
So carry your blues your own denial.
Your feathers are gone you’ll never fly.

If I could change anything,
Then I would wipe the years away.
If I could change anything,
Then I would brush the time away.
If I could change anything,
Then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.

Since you’re gone I’m much better than you

… yes, ’tis a lot of HTML that I did… and it was all worth it too! Proves I’ve had nothing to do recently.

Today was such a busy day for me, and it was fun too… I went into to CBC at roughly 7 something… but the road was blocked off. Most of lee street was, so I had to take the highway to work and I was late (as usual) Turns out that there was a bad fire that took a long time to put out struck the town and they had to close everything down! Really, really sad. A bunch of buildings torched, 4 I think. Old ones too… a lady I know had her jewelry store destroyed!

poor Joan…

but I worked until 11am … my mom is still sick… she’s been sick all year… and she might have to go to the hospital for more tests soon… *sighs* I want her to be better already… And it’s stressing Mike out he’s so rude and snappy to her and she can’t help it… I hate him so much for it… he’s such an asshole sometimes… well, not just sometimes.. ALL THE TIMES… I can’t stand how he hates me sometimes… where all he does it yell at me and lecture me… and I just want him to shut up about it all and just leave me alone… I can’t be what you want me to be so shut up already! … you’re just making it worse…

there’s so much I still can’t even say…

I worked at the NHMA car wash today too.. Mike punished me soundly before hand though… so there wasn’t much joy in going there knowing the before I went up to the wal*mart and when I got home I’d be punished again… and I was… but it was great while I was there Dave Rocco and I split some McDonalds fries and it was cool! We raised over $500 I believe! it was great, I didn’t wash any cars though *damn* 😛 I was just begging at the door! *lol* great fun, all the people from Clinton Bagel who knew me contributed Generously!!!

So I get home, get in trouble and yelled at more… and I go upstairs to call Victor… I feel Bad. He’s got bad sinuses and other things… and his moms a bitch and stuff… I really wish I was there with him to help out and everything. I hate his family so much for what they do to him! He does everything there and I feel so bad for it… I love him to death and there’s nothing I can do to help him. *smiles* I promised to send him some Zyrtec in the mail to see if that helps him, maybe some of my clarinex too. *smiles* Wooo hoo the FBI is going to LOOOVE me…

But we get DCed and all that rot… a few times… and then I give up because of a phone call. I have to call him back later tonight… maybe about 10ish… the usual tile for us… I’m a little guilty about talking to Dave last night during Victors time… but I think we both really needed it. Him especially…

he’s such a great guy… I worry about him sooo very much…I hate seeing him upset… but i did do part of it last night… I was on a really short fuse and I got pissed off at him… and I told my mom and she said to let him alone for the rest of the night… but with each message I got from him… *sighs* It just made me feel more and more guilty and i did call him… and it seemed like his night got so much worse… I had a guilt on my head for a while after that…

but we talked for over an hour… just about stuff in the journals, and opinions of people… I really wish I could record one of our conversations like that. I’d put it in my book and it would be my perfect Saybia reference… I love how he thinks… we talked of Heather and Victor… and ho he said we have so much in common yet we’re with the exact opposites… and about me and Victor Red-assing people…

and I can’t help but keep looking at how hard it’s raining and how that just keeps coming and going, downpours then it backs off… like it’s starting to do again now. … I like the rain…

but the rest of the night has been pretty Vanilla, pretty damned Vanilla… I’m gonna watch an old musical movie from the 40’s or 50’s with Fred Estair. I love those movies! Dave Rocco invited me to go see “Finding Nemo” tonight with him, but I wanted to hang out with my mom…

I’m gonna post a few pictures

::End Transmission::

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